surprise morning phone call

BeckyP005 · January 2014

One of the coordinators called and said that the donor we didn't pick is now available. I was told we probably would hear anything for many months after our cancelled cycle so this was a total shocker. I have to let her know on Tuesday and she is going to start making phone calls to find another couple.

I tell MH and he doesn't say much. I know I have to ask him this next question. Do you still want to do this? He said he is not sure....cue tears. I wish they still kept our $. Having it back is hard knowing we can quite and only lose small amount. He got called in for work and I'm glad because I can't stop crying.

You would think waiting almost 3 years to cycle I would maybe get use to the idea of being child free. I think that's what he was maybe hoping. Don't get me wrong..he would make a wonderful dad he is just afraid of losing the $ like everyone else is and I will be 46 in May...blah blah. This all sucks

Lacyj67 · January 2014

Ugh that's so hard. I'm sorry I hope you both can come to a decision that works for both of you.

MrsT4 · January 2014

Oh noooo Becky, I'm so sorry to hear this news!

I wish I could jump through the computer and give you a big (((hug)))!!! I totally understand the age concern, but just make sure you won’t have ANY regrets for at least not trying. It just sucks that DH doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you are right now. I hope you guys can talk and work it out.

Super big squishy (((hugs))) again and you know how to reach me if you need someone to listen.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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BeckyP005 · January 2014

Thanks ladies. I'm not sure he would really say no to this cycle. I think he was voicing his concerns and I know the regret of not doing this will bother him. He has always been wishy washy. He has been so miserable and stressed at work that the thought of a baby in the house scares him. That sounds so lame. If it even works of course.

You ladies on this board have been through so much more than me and I'm always amazed at your focus and strength and feel silly complaining. Hugs to you all...

BeckyP005 · January 2014

Thanks girl. No. He won't be home till dinner time.

DoublePortion · January 2014

First, huge hugs!! I hope you guys can figure it out ASAP and move forward with the cycle. You have been waiting for so long!

JM1977 · January 2014

I'm sorry this is so rough. I hope you and your DH can find a common ground and be able to move forward. (((HUGS)))

liz4paws · January 2014

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry this is so difficult.

Km672 · January 2014

Oh Becky, you have waited so, so long for this. I'm sorry about your husbands reaction. Have you talked since?

I'm so sorry. This must be so very hard.

BeckyP005 · January 2014

We are still on. We talked a bit. We both suck at communication. In the back of my mind I've always new he wasn't 100% about this but when he voiced this I freaked. He is nervous. Huh..I'm not even sure what I want anymore! I do know that he doesn't want to do a FET if this cycle fails but I feel until/if we are faced with that who can tell.

He said yes so I need to stop overthinking all of this..call clinic on Tues and hope they found another couple to share and be happy I have this chance and don't look back. He just gave me a big hug and were ok

I just need my stomach to settle down now. Thank you.

lmielocl1 · January 2014

Becky - so glad you talked & are moving forward!!! Fingers crossed everything is smooth & successful!!

Km672 · January 2014

So excited and hopeful for you, Becky!!

Forgive me if you've already explained this, but why wouldn't your husband want to go through with a FET?

How many embryos are you thinking if transferring?

Hoping things move forward quickly!!!!

katie_71208 · January 2014

I'm glad you guys worked it out!! Everything definitely becomes more stressful when all of the waiting becomes a reality. I hope that everything falls into place perfectly for you! We just got matched with a donor too so maybe we will end up cycling at the same time!! Good luck!!

BeckyP005 · January 2014

@Km672 when we first started with RE he didn't want to do DE. After month of me being miserable he said we can do ONE cycle. He wanted me to know I guess he didn't want to spend more $ on many cycles. There had to be a stopping point.

Does that make sense? Like I said.. who knows his mind can change. I think its $2500 or $3000 for a FET at my clinic..not quite sure...small amount but still enough for him not wanting to spend. Idk...we shall see. He does realize that first cycle does not always work

Silly I know not to do another cycle. My clinic only likes to transfer one.

BeckyP005 · January 2014

@Katie_71208 happy to hear you found a donor!!

Km672 · January 2014

Aha. Gotcha.

I hope you don't even have to worry about a FET as a back up plan. He might be overwhelmed thinking of another cycle before you've even started this one.

I really hope this works out for you.

Every weekly check in I find your post and I'm always hoping to see you've been matched and you have!!!

BeckyP005 · January 2014

Thanks Km..praying for you!

poohniki · January 2014

So sorry you have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Huge hugs. I'm glad you had an opportunity to talk and work things out. It's so difficult when you're waiting to speak to DH about something and you think of everything they might say- and it gets so depressing.

FX they find another couple for you soon.

MrsT4 · January 2014

Just wanted to say "YEA!" in this post as well! And of course, I hope they find another couple for your shared cycle VERY SOON!!! You've been waiting too long!

lincoln79 · January 2014

sorry to come late to this post, we were OOT. so glad you have found solid ground again with each other. with all we have all been through, it's a testament to our marriages that they still exist!

something that is so hard with all of this is that we are sometimes required to make extremely important decisions with limited information and on a short time scale. that is incredibly stressful for some personalities. i make decisions quickly, then second guess myself for a long time.

mh at first appears non-commital, but just takes a long time to sort things out in his head.

becky, you have been through a lot too and your struggles are no less important than anyone else's. (((hugs))) and peace.

MrsT4 · January 2014

lincoln79 said
becky, you have been through a lot too and your struggles are no less important than anyone else's. (((hugs))) and peace.

I totally agree with Lincoln on this!!

brooklynesque · January 2014

Becky: Fingers crossed for you as you move forward!!

stinkerbell6879 · January 2014

(((HUGS))) I am glad you guys talked things out!! It is so hard, my DH and I have gone from being on the same page to not being on the same page, and then back on the same page SO MANY times this past year! So hang in there and I am keeping my FX that all goes well for you hon! ;-)

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