When to give up BFing...

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

LO is 4 weeks old. We've had a rough go of it. He was born tongue tied and I have flat nipples. His tongue tie was repaired, but he still had trouble. At about a week old, he finally started latching. It was painful though! I've met with multiple LCs, and none of the techniques have made him stop chomping with initial latch on. I have had lots of bleeding and cracking because of it. And now, I think I may have thrush. LO doesn't seem to have it, but my breasts are constantly burning and my nipples are discolored and swollen. Its even MORE painful now when he latches. So now I'm trying to pump as much as possible, but I feel like there's no down time with that. I feed him, change his diaper, put him down, pump.... By the time I've done all that, I have an hour and a half before it's time to start the whole process over again. What makes it worse is that when I give him formula he makes a yucky face like 'what the heck is this crap?!'

I'm just at a loss. I want so desperately to breastfeed my baby and it's just getting more and more difficult. :'(

SweetPriz · January 2014

Have you tried diff position to bf babe ? but other than that idk what to say but sorry your going thru this I hope it gets better soon ((hugs))

Lpegirl2013 · January 2014

Id try EP for a week before giving up completely. See how you like it and if it's less stressful. In the end if it's still not for you then atleast baby had one more week of breastmilk! I know when I was talking about transfering to EP I thought heck no I hate pumping, but when you don't have to worry about breastfeeding anymore it takes some stress off your shoulders. And yes I think it's double the work, but if you get on the schedule of pumping while you give LO a bottle it's not so bad

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

SweetPriz said:
Have you tried diff position to bf babe ? but other than that idk what to say but sorry your going thru this I hope it gets better soon ((hugs))

I switch him from cross-body to football. I've also tried putting him on my stomach and leaning back, didn't work. I think I'm too top heavy for side laying, but haven't tried it.

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

I've tried EPing for the last 24 hours and I'm still stressed and exhausted. I do have a simple wishes bra on it's way, so I'm trying to wait for it to come in before giving up. But currently my hands are tied for 30 minutes every 3 hours, which is tricky!

penelopemaria · January 2014

I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?

mh89 · January 2014

Try using a shield instead of pumping. They're a pain in the butt but easier than exclusive pumping or bottle feeding. Once you're healed try taking the shield off and having baby bf without it so you can wean off of it.

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?

I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

mh89 said:
Try using a shield instead of pumping. They're a pain in the butt but easier than exclusive pumping or bottle feeding. Once you're healed try taking the shield off and having baby bf without it so you can wean off of it.

We tried a shield and LO can't get my milk to express with it before he gets frustrated. Tried it multiple times and no success.

ChuggingWater · January 2014

SarahDavis83 said:

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?
I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.

My friend uses hair ties (search hand free pumping) to rig hands free. I have not tried it yet, but maybe you can do that before your actual bra gets there?

tyedyeme12 · January 2014

After 1 week of EBF, I moved to EP. That only lasted a week or so for me. I felt so disconnected from everyone and everything. I finally moved to EFF and have felt like a giant weight has been lifted. My LO definitely has had formulas he likes and doesn't like. Maybe the formula you're trying...he just doesn't like. Whatever you decide to do, you are making the right decision. Like PP have said, a fed baby is a happy baby.

imrachellea · January 2014

I'm fighting this battle as well. I've written several things in a few other posts on it already today (see "Nipple Shields?"). I was in tears with baby on the boob going in TWO hours when DH walked in the door today. Tears of frustration, not pain. I haven't had pain with BFing just insanely severe frustration. I am making a call to my hospital's LC tomorrow and can hopefully get some help. For right now, DH and I have decided I will still try BFing while he's at work, but for the next few days when he's home I'm going to pump whenever he's home and we'll bottle feed. I am not enjoying my LO because I'm so stressed with feeding. She latches (with and sometimes without a shield) but it can take up to 2 hours (typically 1.25-1.5) each nursing session. Then we're right back at it an hour later. I can't pump because she won't let me out her down long enough. I'm the person that would eat entirely natural and organic if it was not so expensive...I want LO to have what is lost natural for her and it's FREE...but I'm really struggling.

MissyC979 · January 2014

SarahDavis83 said:

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?
I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.

Try the hands free bra trick from Kelly Mom. Google "hands free pumping bra Kelly mom". That might help while you wait for your bra

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

sammichcat said:

MissyC979 said:

SarahDavis83 said:

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?
I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.
Try the hands free bra trick from Kelly Mom. Google "hands free pumping bra Kelly mom". That might help while you wait for your bra

I tried this trick and it didn't work for me.. I hate holding the f'ing flanges. I want the simple wishes bra thing, but this kelly mom trick didn't work for me so I'm worried the bra will be a waste of money.
Is there anyone that tried this and it didn't work and then the bra worked?

I just tried this and it sortof worked... One side kept slipping. Hopefully my bra will work though.

eileen12183 · January 2014

SarahDavis83 said:

sammichcat said:

MissyC979 said:

SarahDavis83 said:

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?
I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.
Try the hands free bra trick from Kelly Mom. Google "hands free pumping bra Kelly mom". That might help while you wait for your bra

I tried this trick and it didn't work for me.. I hate holding the f'ing flanges. I want the simple wishes bra thing, but this kelly mom trick didn't work for me so I'm worried the bra will be a waste of money.
Is there anyone that tried this and it didn't work and then the bra worked?

I just tried this and it sortof worked... One side kept slipping. Hopefully my bra will work though.

I just cut two small holes in an old sports bra (SMALL holes and a snug sports bra because u want the flanges to be tight to your breast) and used that. Haven't had any issues with it when I was pumping.

However, my lo is 2 weeks and I just gave up pumping yesterday. It's too stressful on me to think about how few ounces I'm getting and spending the time to build up a supply with a 3 year old to take care of was daunting. We're EFF and I couldn't be happier right now. I cried for months with my first lo trying to BF and got in a really bad mental place. As much as I really wanted to BF, I told myself that I would not let it go that far this time. The benefits of being stress free sometimes outweigh the costs of not breastfeeding. I still get sad thinking about not BFing them though, almost like a failure. But it'll pass with time.

stacers33 · January 2014

While you wait, I thought if give you a suggestion of what worked for me... I took a cheap sports bra (one that didn't hurt boobs) and cut slits where my nips are. Then I use that for a HF pumping bra - just put the cup on boob, slide through the slot and connect the rest. Free (since I already had the sports bra) and worked like a charm...

Lauren201312 · January 2014

I've really struggled with BF my twins and currently do a combo of BF, pumping and bottle feeding and formula. They are 8 weeks. Finding time to pump is hard, and feeding both twins while I pump is not an option. I've recently started this routine - I bottle feed both, then lay them on my bed and play with them while pumping. I stand over them. I have a double electric pump and a hands free bra (medela I believe, got it at target). The bra is awesome and allows me to actually have both hands free to interact with the girls! This routine been a life saver, maybe it'll help you!

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

Lauren201312 said:
I've really struggled with BF my twins and currently do a combo of BF, pumping and bottle feeding and formula. They are 8 weeks. Finding time to pump is hard, and feeding both twins while I pump is not an option. I've recently started this routine - I bottle feed both, then lay them on my bed and play with them while pumping. I stand over them. I have a double electric pump and a hands free bra (medela I believe, got it at target). The bra is awesome and allows me to actually have both hands free to interact with the girls! This routine been a life saver, maybe it'll help you!

Do you do this at night too? That's when it's really difficult for me. When is there time to sleep? Ugh!

Lauren201312 · January 2014

No, only daytime when I'm by myself with both girls. Our nighttime routine is this...I get up with first baby that wakes, huaband wakes up second baby (one up/both up with twins) we both bottle feed (formula, it's easier at night, no warming of bottles) then both girls fall asleep with dad on the couch while I pump for 15 min. After I pump, I wrap up each baby and put back to bed. Whole thing takes about 1 hour. I could not to any of this without my husband getting up with me for each feeding. We've tried letting him sleep but it takes twice as long to do the same thing, and I'll have two crying babies by the end of it. He can't sleep through that, so he might as well get up and help! What about feeding your LO, and then pumping while rocking/soothing back to sleep?

mh89 · January 2014

SarahDavis83 said:

mh89 said:
Try using a shield instead of pumping. They're a pain in the butt but easier than exclusive pumping or bottle feeding. Once you're healed try taking the shield off and having baby bf without it so you can wean off of it.
We tried a shield and LO can't get my milk to express with it before he gets frustrated. Tried it multiple times and no success.

Maybe try getting your milk to letdown before putting baby on the sheild then. Warm wash cloths beforehand can help or hand express or pump for a minute to get milk flowing. Once you're letting down, put the baby on the shield and nurse. Breastfeeding can be so so hard at first, but it gets easier and if it's worth it to you then stick with it. Get a new LC to help you, ask for advice in Amy's thread, and read up about it. It's one of those things where the first 6-8 weeks or so are pretty awful, but then one day it'll click for you and baby and be this wonderful thing. Whatever you decide to do is the right choice though, it's your body and baby and there's nothing wrong with formula feeding. Good luck!!

Eta - also, sometimes you just have to deal with a frustrated baby while he's learning new things. If he fusses at the boob/shield, then take him off, calm him down (shush, swaddle, dim lights, cuddles), and try again. He's used to getting a bottle now, which is much easier to get milk from than a nipple or shield. Babies are lazy so they want the easy way out even if it's not what you want for him. So he'll fuss, but it's okay, you know best and he's still learning. After a few days of solely breastfeeding instead of bottle feeding, your milk will begin to letdown faster ad produce more, he'll get used to not having a bottle, and the fussing will stop.

readyornot12345 · January 2014

eileen12183 said:

SarahDavis83 said:

sammichcat said:

MissyC979 said:

SarahDavis83 said:

penelopemaria said:
I could have wrote this post myself. We're in very similar situations. It's so heart breaking when I give him a bottle and he turns his head to my breasts away from the bottle.... yet he won't latch. I've been EP since birth and was at my wits end. I finally caved and bought a hands-free double pump and it has made a world of difference. Is that an option for you?
I have a double electric, but I have to hold the flanges.
Try the hands free bra trick from Kelly Mom. Google "hands free pumping bra Kelly mom". That might help while you wait for your bra

I tried this trick and it didn't work for me.. I hate holding the f'ing flanges. I want the simple wishes bra thing, but this kelly mom trick didn't work for me so I'm worried the bra will be a waste of money.
Is there anyone that tried this and it didn't work and then the bra worked?
I just tried this and it sortof worked... One side kept slipping. Hopefully my bra will work though.

I just cut two small holes in an old sports bra (SMALL holes and a snug sports bra because u want the flanges to be tight to your breast) and used that. Haven't had any issues with it when I was pumping.

However, my lo is 2 weeks and I just gave up pumping yesterday. It's too stressful on me to think about how few ounces I'm getting and spending the time to build up a supply with a 3 year old to take care of was daunting. We're EFF and I couldn't be happier right now. I cried for months with my first lo trying to BF and got in a really bad mental place. As much as I really wanted to BF, I told myself that I would not let it go that far this time. The benefits of being stress free sometimes outweigh the costs of not breastfeeding. I still get sad thinking about not BFing them though, almost like a failure. But it'll pass with time.

I'm in the same boat. Loathe pumping and been at it a month. Not sure how much longer I can keep it up.

Red_Dahlia · January 2014

Are you treating the thrush? Once that is gone, I would say keep trying. DD's chomp was SO painful for the first few weeks, it took my breath away every time she latched. Over time she loosened up and realized that she could still get milk out with out putting a vice grip on my nips! And by 2-3 months, I was loving BFing. It is SO much easier than pumping once you and LO get the hang of it. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet. Pumping is a PITA, so if you going to have to deal with one PITA or another, I'd personally rather deal with the pain in the ass that doesn't involve washing a million bottles and parts and not holding my baby. Check out kellymom.com, there's also a FB group for quick and easy support. HTH and GL!!

Chichigo · January 2014

I think you need to get the possible thrush evaluated and treated first.

If your LO doesn't like the formula, try switching or mixing with pumped milk, gradually increasing the amount of formula to breast milk.

Be confident that your baby will be fed and loved no matter what decision you make.

zxifnswdjdfn · January 2014

I have a few questions:
1) was he ever evaluated for any of the problems that commonly go with TT? Most doctors are NOT well-trained on these sort of issues, and I went 4 weeks with doctors, LCd and WIC staff telling me that my son wasnt tied, even though he was. It was corrected less than a week ago by a specialist. Three problems that are common with tongue tie are upper lip tie (ULT), high palate (very common with tongue tie because they can't lift their tongue in utero to develop the roof of the mouth properly), and receded jaw (overbite). My son had all three and this leads to some more challenges. If your son has a lip tie, that may need to be corrected as well. If he has a high palate you likely need to retrain his sucking. Do you hear clicking when hes sucking? He should not be causing pain. The chomping is a learned behavior because he does not know how to use his tongue. Instead of sucking to remove milk, he's putting positive pressure to push the milk out.

2) were you taught how to do the stretches for his tongue post-frenectomy? Tongue-tie CAN reattach and need to be re-corrected. The stretches can help to prevent that.

3) how's his weight gain and diapers? Are they the seedy yellow? Frequent enough?

4) when you say your nipples are discolored and burning, can you elaborate? Improper latch can cause blanching, vasospasm. It basically burns like hell, and your nipples would be turning white, to purple, and back to the natural color. It takes a while to go back to "normal". The vasospasm is caused by nipple damage. The pain goes away when proper latch and sucking is established, but it can take a few weeks. Is he compressing your nipple (it would look like new lipstick, with a flattened side with a crease). If its a vasospasm, then you should NOT be trying to latch him if you are having one until the pain subsides because it could cause further trauma. Pumping can also cause vasospasm if your flanges don't fit properly.

I've been where you are. My 3 year old was tongue Tied was tied and we ran into a lot of problems, ended up supplementing, and then I lost my supply entirely. Then she ended up with intolerances to most formulas. That's why I learned so much about it this time and am so adamant about sticking with EBF and no formula.

Kbrittonhart · January 2014

Try the nipple shield

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