Yay or nay? CIO for a 2.5 year old

Cwhitaker27 · January 2014

DS is 2.5 and has always been a pretty good sleeper. Lately the past month he has been tough to get to sleep. He will lay down and about 2 minutes later he's screaming bloody murder for me. I typically go in and he'll calm down, lay down and the cycle will just repeat for an hour or more or until I rock him to sleep.

I know recently he has been scared of things at night. We put a night light in his room which helps somewhat. But now it seems to be a train you can hear in the distance occasionally that freaks him out. He continually wakes up crying talking about the train.

So my question is would you eventually let him CIO or is he going to feel "abandoned" because he's scared. I've read lots of different views on this. What would you ladies do if you were in my shoes?

shotzie · January 2014

Have you tried a white noise machine to mask the sound of the train?

veetveet · January 2014

We did CIO when my daughter was 1 and it was effective. We did not abandon her- we would be in the room- no picking up, no rocking. We would assist her to lay down- pat her back tell her it was time to sleep- those were the only words we uttered.

We do use a white noise machine.

My daughter is 3 now. Her BT routine consists of washroom, brush teeth, one of us climbs into bed with her- have a chat abt her day- read a few stories and then I ask her to lay quietly. Somedays Inpass out with her and other when I see she is very dozy I tell.her I will be back in a few minutes. It works for us.

Good luck... such a challenging age.

jlpev · January 2014

veetveet said:
We did CIO when my daughter was 1 and it was effective. We did not abandon her- we would be in the room- no picking up, no rocking. We would assist her to lay down- pat her back tell her it was time to sleep- those were the only words we uttered.

We do use a white noise machine.

My daughter is 3 now. Her BT routine consists of washroom, brush teeth, one of us climbs into bed with her- have a chat abt her day- read a few stories and then I ask her to lay quietly. Somedays Inpass out with her and other when I see she is very dozy I tell.her I will be back in a few minutes. It works for us.

Good luck... such a challenging age.

This.

Cwhitaker27 · January 2014

Unfortunately yes, he has a noisemaker and rainforest music nightly. Maybe I should turn it up though

BeanNut · January 2014

Does he also have a special animal or blanket that he sleeps with? I would probably do CIO if you are addressing his other needs--and it sounds like you are. IMO it is a short-term sacrifice in order to help him sleep better longer which is also important for his health.

dairygirl19 · January 2014

I'm going to be the dissenter here. For a kid who is truly scared, I don't think I could do CIO. It's heartbreaking to me to leave them alone and scared.

FWIW, I could never do CIO in the same room as her. It just makes my kid more riled up and the whole thing carries on longer.

For other stuff, carry on with the CIO. I have to let my 2.5 year old CIO sometimes too. She goes in streaks where she "plays" us for stupid stuff so she doesn't have to go to bed. It's pjs, sippy, rock, story, snuggle and then I leave. After that she can pretty much deal.

jllmb79 · January 2014

DD#1 is 2.5 yrs old. At 10 months we did Ferber's progressive waiting and she pretty much has slept great. Now at 2.5 she has stall tactics and tries to get me back to her room. She is still in a crib and night potty trained so I do have to return for bathroom trips. I am very consistant in how I handle her return calls. I pick her up bring her to the potty with just a night light on and right back to bed. On way back I sing her a song, tuck her in and one last sip of water.

She doesn't do to many scarred calls but she also has a night light and sound machine projector on her ceiling. Her room is pretty well lit.

I think if I were in your shoes I might return but not pick him up. Let him know its ok. Maybe a hug kiss, tuck him back in, sip of water and walk back out the door. If he is still in diapers and isn't calling to go potty I would try Ferber's progressive waiting to get him back into good sleep habits.

ThatWasAHoot · January 2014

When my son turned 2.5 it started taking him a lot longer to get to sleep. He has always been a great sleeper and continues to be one. But I do remember him singing himself to sleep, talking, playing with his stuffed animals in his bed, etc. We simply didn't respond to it unless he said he had to go potty.
Now he's 3 and has developed a fear of his window, so we do go in a second time to just show him that the window isn't scary and say goodnight again. But that's it.
Maybe it's just a window of time where they're a PITA with sleeping?

Vespah · January 2014

At 2.5 my excellent sleeper did a 180 and became a terror. As soon as we left the room she screamed bloody murder. It took weeks to get out of her that "alligators were sitting on lily pads waiting to eat her" At this age kids start to need less sleep and start to get better imaginations. This is not a good combination.

We did anything we could to get her to bed for a month or so (from sleeping on the couch, to going to bed in our room), and over the course of 4 months we finally got her back to a normal bedtime routine. She goes go to bed later (8:30 now) and no longer naps.

It was a rough few months though. Good luck! I can take a while to figure out what the problem is but don't be afraid to try multiple things if something doesn't work. I wouldn't do CIO if he is afraid of something, I'd work with him to find the best solution. It's a phase, it will get better.

Cwhitaker27 · January 2014

Vespah said:
At 2.5 my excellent sleeper did a 180 and became a terror. As soon as we left the room she screamed bloody murder. It took weeks to get out of her that "alligators were sitting on lily pads waiting to eat her" At this age kids start to need less sleep and start to get better imaginations. This is not a good combination.

We did anything we could to get her to bed for a month or so (from sleeping on the couch, to going to bed in our room), and over the course of 4 months we finally got her back to a normal bedtime routine. She goes go to bed later (8:30 now) and no longer naps.

It was a rough few months though. Good luck! I can take a while to figure out what the problem is but don't be afraid to try multiple things if something doesn't work. I wouldn't do CIO if he is afraid of something, I'd work with him to find the best solution. It's a phase, it will get better.

The alligators sitting on lily pads waiting to eat her really gave me a good chuckle! Even though I'm sure those nights were hell for you both.

Yah I'm not a huge proponent of CIO but DH is. Honestly it tears at my heart but we've done it a few times when DS gets outta hand. Last night was one of those nights. He cried for about 30 mins before falling asleep.

Thx for the encouragement!

Cwhitaker27 · January 2014

BeanNut said:
Does he also have a special animal or blanket that he sleeps with? I would probably do CIO if you are addressing his other needs--and it sounds like you are. IMO it is a short-term sacrifice in order to help him sleep better longer which is also important for his health.

Haha oh does he? you should see his crib! He has 4 favorite blankies and 4 million stuffed animals he can't live without. I'm not even sure how there's space for him in there

TiffanyBerry · January 2014

If you were freaked out about something, and crying because of it, and asked your husband to sit with you, how would you feel if he said "No, you need to be alone right now. I have other things to do."? You'd probably feel worse. And that wouldn't help you get to sleep. So, I vote on the side of "not-cio". Of course, I think there are few times I would ever consider doing it, so yeah, I'm a bit biased.

Can you stay in the room with him for a while? Maybe in his bed, maybe outside the bed but touching him, maybe near him but not touching, maybe at the door - whatever is the least amount of help that he needs, but is just enough.

LSU628 · January 2014

Can he name the particular things he is afraid of? DD had a really rough time around 3 when she thought "Boomaway" was in her room (yes, like the song in Lion King). At the advice of someone on the bump we did "scary spray" every night in her room aka Febreeze. I let her squirt it where she thought the scary things might hide. I also told her that our dog was here to protect us and keep us safe. She spent a month or so sleeping on our bedroom floor in a sleeping bag for when she got scared in the night and to keep her out of our bed. It finally took my DH going in her room and telling Boomaway he wasn't allowed in our house to get out and never come back again before DD got over it. I'd say address his fears, try to help him move through it, and definitely turn up the noise machine to drown out anything that could wake him and add to your problem.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

dairygirl19 said:
I'm going to be the dissenter here. For a kid who is truly scared, I don't think I could do CIO. It's heartbreaking to me to leave them alone and scared.

FWIW, I could never do CIO in the same room as her. It just makes my kid more riled up and the whole thing carries on longer.

For other stuff, carry on with the CIO. I have to let my 2.5 year old CIO sometimes too. She goes in streaks where she "plays" us for stupid stuff so she doesn't have to go to bed. It's pjs, sippy, rock, story, snuggle and then I leave. After that she can pretty much deal.

Agree. If LO is legit scared it's cruel to make her cry by herself or even standing right in front of her.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

My kid is a year older than yours and only you know him for sure but I KNOW my son uses being "scared" as part of his manipulation arsenal, including needs for water and the bathroom. Literally one night my husband went in, asked him what was wrong and DS said he was scared. DH asked him of what and DS walked to his nightlight, shut if off and said "the dark." El Oh El. Like I said, only you know your kid. For us, we've done CIO.

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