When you and DH don't agree on parenting stuff...

charmcity82 · January 2014

My DH and I rarely argue about anything, and he is an amazing father who tries really hard. Lately, though, I have been really fighting the urge to be angry and correct him when he does things that I don't think are going to work. I know that we are going to have different styles and techniques - I know this is largely my issue. I just get so mad when I find success with something, tell him about it, and then he does it another way only to have it fail.

Does anyone else deal with this? I suppose I just need to keep the mantra going that it's important that we develop our own parenting styles, but some days that's hard to do.

psychgirl33 · January 2014

Yep, I deal with this, too. I am so tempted to just tell him how to do everything because I do a lot of it and I "know" the right way. However, my mom is like that all the time. She "knows" what's right and will tell anyone that they are doing things wrong. About everything. And it's so condescending. It drives me completely up the wall. So I'm trying really hard not to be like that. But it's hard sometimes!

CDMay2006 · January 2014

If what he is trying doesn't make more work for me and, obviously, isn't detrimental, then he can do what he wants. For instance, he's greet at calming baby, but doing the things that work during the day get him excited at night... If dh is going to follow through to getting baby to bed, then great. But if he's going to hand him off to me, no bueno.

thedash · January 2014

DH is a very active parent and we are usually on the same page about the major stuff. Every once in a while one of us will feel strongly about how the other is doing something and bring it up. I try to approach it more like "I think we should do that X way because Y." rather than me telling or ordering him to do/not do something.

For example, DS has always had a hard time with bedtime. He needs a strict routine and gets upset sometimes when we leave the room, it's too dark, his blanket is folded wrong, etc, etc. Yesterday he was throwing a tantrum and DH said "Do you want to go to bed right now?" Now, he was right that DS was overly tired but I just said "I don't think we should use bed as a punishment since he already has a hard time with it. I think we should stick to time out." DH thought about it for a second and agreed and that was the end of it.

jchytil · January 2014

Yes sometimes you have to give them space and their own parenting style however sometimes mom has to say something because Dad is sooo relaxed. For example I find that my husband lets our toddler play with real screw drivers and thinks its ok. Unlike mom who knows he could run fall and hurt himself badly. So sometimes you do have to step in and it does cause some problems.

JLMcWeeney · January 2014

Yes! This happens all the time. I know exactly what to do and what my baby needs. DH knows how to take care of him, but doesn't always know what the baby needs.
I am subtle with it. If DH is doing something I know LO doesn't like or is crying an DH can't get him to calm, I will just say something like, " he always chills out for me when I blank". That way it is a suggestion not a command.
Give him some time and he will figure out exactly how to do everything. I know it is very hard to watch someone do something you know your baby doesn't like even if it is your own husband.

Habs2Hart · January 2014

The only thing I really care about is CIO. DH has had a few people tell him we need to start letting him cry or else he'll never go to sleep on his own. I told dh that if he won't agree to no CIO I won't trust him to take care of lo on his own.

Our son has a bit of trouble in the nap department but is in his bed at 7 at the latest and only does 1 or 2 wakeups in a 12 hour span. He also goes down drowsy but awake most nights. Ya. But he really needs to CIO. wtf? People suck.

AppleMuffins · January 2014

I think it will help if you just remind yourself that you and dh are on the same team with the same end goal: a healthy, happy baby. He isn't going to do things just to annoy you that would be detrimental to lo, so try not to take things personally. Next to you, dh is the other person who loves your lo the most in the entire world. I have also learned that just because something works for me, doesn't mean it will work for dh. Babies are tricky like that. Offer him your advice, but if he doesn't use it, then just take a deep breath and go with it.

For the bigger things, we haven't had many disagreements yet but when we do, usually we just evaluate how important something is to the other person. Whoever feels least strongly about it usually let's the other have it. I don't know what we'll do if we both feel very strongly about something!

magdalina.h · January 2014

You gotta let go of it. Your way isn't the only way. Now if you're against spanking and he's pro-spanking, then you'll need to talk about it.

ravenclaw1 · January 2014

I let my H do his thing... he's an awesome dad and he can figure out what works for him and our daughter

when real parenting decisions need to be made, we'll have a talk and come up with something that works for our family. I am not going to helicopter him - I think it would discourage him from making his own routines and bonding with her.

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