STMs Advice for a 16 month old's tantrums

Re: STMs Advice for a 16 month old's tantrums

• SandFHasse member

  January 2014

  Don't give in. My DD does the same thing. I stay calm and I explain what she's doing is not ok and I don't give in. People will stare, but she has to learn she doesn't get whatever she wants. If we are at a restaurant one of us takes her outside until food arrives just so we don't disturb other guests.

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• ac1259 member

  January 2014

  So being someone in this situation to a lesser degree currently(my 15 month old is starting to throw fits) she is definitely encouraging the behavior. When my DD1 throws herself to the ground I ignore her... She does it for the attention because if we walk away she'll get up, get within viewing distance, and do it again...its hard not to laugh. She doesn't do stuff like that in public though so its easier to say "just ignore it".
  
  I think if that happened in a restaurant I would've taken my DD out of the place but that's just me...sorry, its a crappy situation your friend is in- I hope it starts getting better soon!

  
  
  
  
  

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• bensmommy518 member

  January 2014

  Its hard and every kid will go through it.  You dont want to give in to demands - I would not have bout the bag of duckies - NO WAY!  In some situations, I may tell DS when he first picked up the ducks that if he is good (and explain what I mean by good) while I am shopping, he can have that at the end of the trip.  That is the only time I would buy it. 
  
  With DS what I have found to help the most is to get on the ground with him and talk to him in a very quiet voice and just hold him until he is done.  I say things like Mommy can see you are upset, or its okay to cry, when you are done mommy will be here.  This seems to calm him down the fastest but then again, I have found that my DS acts out the most when frustrated and doesn't know how to express that.  I just try to give him the words he doesn't know. 
  
  We also did go through a short period of time were DH and I made the decision to not take DS out to restaurants very often because they were too stimulating for him and were just asking to induce tantrums.  Think about it from the kids perspective - there are lots of people there but mommy and daddy wont let them go play with any of them.  There is food all over except for them - they see and smell it but dont know why they have none to eat.  The wait is forever for a small child with the attention span of a goldfish.  AND you want them to sit still with all this new distraction?  No way.  We took DS everywhere with us as a baby, and then had a little break and are now taking him back out again with us, but only at times when we think the wait will be shorter or we are going somewhere it wont be as disruptive. 
  

  
  
  

  
  

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• BaabyCakee member

  January 2014

  Thanks everyone! Helps a lot. I'll show her this feed.

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• ach298 member

  January 2014

  On the restaurant stuff, we bring snacks and crayons and such for DS1 to play with while we wait for you. I also often ask the server if they can expedite his food over ours.
  
  As for temper tantrums, DS1 doesn't have many throwing himself on the floor ones. If he starts screaming/whining for something though, he doesn't get it. He gets rewarded for good behavior, not bad. I also explain things before taking things away from him, so if I have to take something he is playing with away so the cashier can ring it up, I explain that he will get it back in just a minute so he is prepared. Also being aware of his mood etc when we go out helps prevent tantrums. I plan grocery trips and shopping for just after nap so he isn't tired and I either give him a snack before we go or pack snacks.

  

  
  

  
  

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• MamaP19 member

  January 2014

  I'm with PPs. DD is almost 18 months old and has just started doing this. Fortunately she behaves really well when we are out. She only has these "tantrums" at home. I usually just explain why she can't have or do something and ignore the rest. The only part that concerns me is that, like your friend, my DD will hit me if I'm holding something she wants. I am worried she might do the same to DS when he is here.

  
  

  Consistency really does work. She has definitely learned that some things are off limits. If your friend always gives in, her daughter is only going to learn that flipping out will get her what she wants. It's hard, but not giving in works with time. FWIW, I think taking her outside would have been a great tactic. Removing her from the situation that's causing the tantrum is a good first step. 

  

  

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• growingmybun member

  January 2014

  There was a 6 month period where my son just couldn't handle a restaurant or store, so we didn't go. And when he has a tantrum, he does not get what he wants. I also agree with staying calm and holding them tight. They literally need you to physically take control for them.

  

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• shiway member

  January 2014

  These young toddlers are just learning to deal with big emotions. Tantrums are not them being naughty. They don't know how To handle the emotions and situations. Try to avoid these types of things before it happens. But just telling a little child no an take something away doesn't teach them anything. Except you don't care what they are feeling. When my child has something we need to give back I speak to her at her level and say we need to say good bye. And give her a chance to give it back. And if she is reluctant I explain further why and that she can play with it when we come back. Or something to the effect and again give her a chance to give it back. Then if she still won't I gentle take it and say good bye toy good bye! We don't have many tantrums. A lot of tantrums can be avoided in the first place. Don't go to a restaurant without snacks and toys or a plan.

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• brideandbreve member

  January 2014

  shiway said:

  These young toddlers are just learning to deal with big emotions. Tantrums are not them being naughty. They don't know how To handle the emotions and situations. Try to avoid these types of things before it happens. But just telling a little child no an take something away doesn't teach them anything. Except you don't care what they are feeling. When my child has something we need to give back I speak to her at her level and say we need to say good bye. And give her a chance to give it back. And if she is reluctant I explain further why and that she can play with it when we come back. Or something to the effect and again give her a chance to give it back. Then if she still won't I gentle take it and say good bye toy good bye! We don't have many tantrums. A lot of tantrums can be avoided in the first place. Don't go to a restaurant without snacks and toys or a plan.

  You're just condescending about everything, aren't you?

  
  

  Surprising from someone who doesn't have a good grasp on proper grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

  
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• BaabyCakee member

  January 2014

  Thanks ladies. I'll pass this along.

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