Trouble with Mom (I need advice)

Re: Trouble with Mom (I need advice)

• Disneygeek77 member

  January 2014

  I don't know.  I personally wouldn't say anything at this point.  It could be that she just hinting she wanted to go nursery shopping with you.  

  
  

  I would try to pick your battles.  To me, calling your son "her baby" isn't a big deal, but try to focus on her possibly overstepping boundaries about the parenting decisions you and your husband make.  If she does overstep, then let her know, but other things you need to let go.

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• clo1982 member

  January 2014

  I agree that the 'my baby' thing isn't a big deal. I mean, she knows without a doubt, that you are carrying the child and will be it's parent. So I think that is just a way, however odd, that some people show their excitement for the baby. As far as the comments on the nursery, maybe she was hinting at going shopping. If it's not in the cards financially right now to buy the things she brought up, just flat out say that! There's no shame in saying we plan to do that stuff in the future but right now we just don't have the funds for it. or on the flip side, we just don't think we need that for the nursery. Once the baby gets here, I think all FTM's have to get comfortable saying 'ok thanks for letting me know,we are going to figure out what works for us.' say it over and over in the mirror until you get comfortable! Moms or MILs are not the only ones who will push advice on you. 90% of the time, it is with the best of intentions, so just acknowledge that you appreciate their opinion, then either use it or let it go and figure out what works for you. If they ask why you didn't follow their advice, just tell them you found another way that works for your family. no need to overcomplicate anything!

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• LEIGHLOVE09 member

  January 2014

  My usual response is "Mom, I got it". She gets the point. I have a great relationship with my mom as well. I don't think id have a heart to heart about it with her but id certainly let her know that you have it under control.

  

  

   

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• EmeraldCity84 member

  January 2014

  You are lucky to have this.  I have a great relationship with my mom but she has basically been totally disinterested in my pregnancy and the baby and when I actually do need help with things, I have to ask her 3 or 4 times and she makes me feel incredibly guilty, like I am asking her for the world when really I just need a small favor - like her getting a TDAP shot or making sure she has my back up phone list for the hospital.  Very minor stuff.

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• KateLouise member

  January 2014

  I think it's a natural process, that Mums/MILs want to be involved, and share all their advice, and that new Mums have to develop their own confidence in their decisions.

  
  

  For me it caused a lot of angst and frustration, and in hindsight it really didn't need to. Yes my mother has a lot of experience having raised 4 children, but it is also experience that is over 40 years old, dated and dimmed with age. So while she may have some good ideas, and tips, she is in no way the guru of all parenting (and no one is the guru of all parenting because every child is different)

  
  

  Sure I spent the first few days/weeks/months feeling like I had no idea what I was doing, and worrying about each new stage, but really I was doing a great job. Feed your baby, clean your baby and love your baby and you're doing awesome! 

  
  

  Trust that your Mum has the best intentions and smile and do your own thing. Best wishes

  
  Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old

  
  

  
  
  

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• Haney3 member

  January 2014

  Thank you all so much for the replies! I really appreciate all of your feedback! 

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• cMichelle0423 member

  January 2014

  LEIGHLOVE09 said:

  My usual response is "Mom, I got it". She gets the point. I have a great relationship with my mom as well. I don't think id have a heart to heart about it with her but id certainly let her know that you have it under control.

  I agree with this. A little communication goes a long way.

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• lopezalonso member

  January 2014

  I totally understand your predicament. I am a very independent person and my mom loves to need people and be needed. As a result she's a bit overbearing and demands that I tell her about every doctor's appointment (even if they just took my weight and fundal height) and involve her in every aspect. I find myself getting annoyed and trying really hard not to snap at her. I agree with PPs that you should tell her how you're feeling but I suggest you do it when you are in a good mood so that it doesn't come out sounding mean or irate. 

  
  

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• veetveet member

  January 2014

  And this will be us in 30 years!!
  
  My mom is the same... she means well and pisses me off at the same time. I usually just remind her that I have things under control.

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• JennyCupcakes01 member

  January 2014

  Agreed. Pick your battles.

  Mom is just trying to help out and sounds excited for the arrival.

  My MIL will call our baby "her" baby which honestly doesn't bother me.

  It's an indication she loves him too and I'd rather have too much love than too little, ya know?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Excitedmum35 member

  January 2014

  Can u give your mum a few jobs to help organise things before the baby gets here? Might help you out and make her feel important?
  My mil is a total pain in the ass so every time she asks about staying after the baby is born I ask if she could possible visit before and help out around the house first?! Cheeky I know!

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