Please tell me I am not crazy.......(another shower question)

getitdone · January 2014

So I know there have been a bunch of shower questions, but I have another one. My SIL offered to throw me a shower a couple of months ago and then a couple of weeks ago one of my friends offered to host a friend shower. I thought this would be perfect because I will have my SIL invite the family on my side and my friends that are like family (and not part of my other group of friends). Then I figured I would have my friend do my friends shower. On the guest list for my SIL, I have about 15-20 people and on my friends shower, I have about 20. My mom was pissed when she found out I wasn't having my SIL invite my friends and my family. I explained that I thought it would be rude to ask my sil to invite 40 people to her house for a shower. I also explained by doing 2 smaller showers, that I could visit more with each of the guests. She then asked if she could come to both which I said was not a problem at all. Then she went on to ask if I told SIL I was having another shower too and that her feelings might be hurt. Did I do something wrong here? Should I have just given the 1 big list to my SIL? I forgot to mention - I am a FTM.

chillypenguin · January 2014

I don't think you did anything wrong, honestly your SIL will probably be thankful to not have to be responsible for such a large shower. I would give her a heads up though and let her know that her shower will be family only.

Don't feel bad, last time as a FTM I had 4 showers (Husbands extended family, local family and friends, my out of town family, and work).

getitdone · January 2014

savannah_girl said:

You can have several smallish showers. As long as people are not expected to come to both.

Great point. Other than my mom who asked to be invited to both, no one else is on both lists.

bumpuser10194737 · January 2014

I think what you did was fine! I had two smaller showers (not counting work) and I am glad It was done that way! Only my grandmother (my mom is not living) and two of my friends (who asked to be invited to both) came to both.

glowworm0166 · January 2014

This sounds totally normal to me. I had two showers - one for my husband's side of the family (who all live near each other) and one for my side of the family + my friends (who all live 4 hours away). Even if we were in the same city it might have made more sense to do it that way because of the number of people vs. the size of the house. Only so many people can comfortably fit in a living room and I'm sure your SIL would rather set up (and get food, drinks, games, shower gifts, etc.) for half as many people. I agree with PP that you should give your SIL a heads up but I can't imagine she will be offended.

Empireceo · January 2014

Totally normal. As PP said, as long as there is not an overlap in guest lists, I think it's actually nice to have two smaller ones so you can spend time with your guests.

MissLadyTay · January 2014

No you did nothing wrong. Two smaller showers is what I did too and it was so much better that way. I would tell your SIL you are having a friends shower just so it's not perceived as a "secret."

MrsT2008 · January 2014

Totally fine and pretty normal. Your mom needs to relax.

spinsoffresonance · January 2014

Totally makes sense to me. I think it's more comfortable for the guests and the hosts to split up the guest list in different groups and have 2 smaller showers rather than one large one with a lot of people who don't know each other.

SurprisePartySue · January 2014

Coming from a person who hosts a lot of events/showers. I would be relieved to have a guest list of 20 rather than 40. I don't think your SIL would be upset.

FlemDance · January 2014

OP, As a FTM I don't have experience with this, but I had several smaller wedding showers. Loved having the smaller groups of people! I agree that with a smaller group you have more time to socialize with more of the guests. Plus, not as many eyes boring into you while you open gifts! I'm not a shy person, but that is SO awkward!

Christinaruth74 · January 2014

yeah, sounds fine. i don't think it's wrong to mention to your SIL that you're having another shower for friends as well, in case she wonders why there aren't many friends on the guest list.

but as PPs have said, as long as people aren't expected to attend both, sit back and enjoy!

NorthernGal248 · January 2014

I hosted a baby shower not too long ago. I ended up inviting way too many people and almost went bonkers! I think you SIL will be thankful that she doesn't have to invite as many people! The cost of the shower almost made me weep!

jfletcher3113 · January 2014

You're not crazy. This is perfectly acceptable. I'm having two smaller showers as well. In the circles I am in, that seems to be the norm. Some people have three smaller ones because they do something separate for work.

lavendergiraffes · January 2014

Ditto what everyone else said! I'm having two smaller ones as well so I don't have a big one. :-)

jay3907 · January 2014

coming from the guests point of view id rather be at a party/shower where i knew most of the people instead of meeting my friends cousins and aunts and things like that id have a much better time around people i knew and besides who is your SIL to get mad because you have people in your life that want to throw you another shower theres no rule that says you can only have one.....

jay3907 · January 2014

just be happy you have people willing to throw you any bc when i had my DS i threw my own shower

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Please tell me I am not crazy.......(another shower question)

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