Just wondering

cole1265 · January 2014

Unfortunately we lost Skylar at 11 weeks so our whole family and friends knew about the pregnancy. Did you announce anything on fb when you lost the baby? Just something along the lines of "baby Skylar did not make it past 11 weeks, for God had bigger plans." Or anything?
Did you just let people tell others throughout until everyone knew?
I'm honestly wondering what to do. People are slowly finding out.
If you did post something what did you write?

TIA

kboydbowman · January 2014

I did announce it on Facebook, actually, and have been posting near daily updates on what is going on. It depends on how comfortable you are being public about things. For me it's important to be public because this happens to so many women and yet no one talks about it. When things aren't talked about, there's an implication that they are somehow shameful, and there is absolutely NOTHING shameful about what we are going through. So I talk about things as a shame reduction tactic (my politics are very important to me, and I try to live my beliefs). Here is the text, verbatim other than my wife's name, of what I posted on Facebook:

This does not require a response or an "I'm so sorry" or anything else (I personally find it hard to come up with a response in these situations that doesn't sound trite), but since we decided to announce we now have to unannounce. After a first ultrasound this morning where the midwife found a baby but no heartbeat, she referred us out this afternoon for a higher resolution ultrasound. Second ultrasound showed no heartbeat and stopped growth at 7w5d (should be 10w). So I have lost the baby. Wife and I are beside ourselves; she is still crying, I am in numb mode. Have already called our respective works and taken the next week off. Midwife will be calling later, presumably to talk about how to proceed; she drew an HCG level so hopefully that will let me know if it looks like I'll pass the fetus naturally or whether we need to do a D&C or RU486 or whatever. Still in shock. We will try again, but this hurts a lot obviously. The ultrasound technician was very respectful and did take some still shots for us to keep. In some ways I hate that we had announced already (and situations like these are exactly why many people wait until after the first trimester to announce) but in other ways it will be nice to have the support, so I'm not sorry that we did. I know some of you have been through similar situations and can relate. We are in a lot of pain right now, but it will ease. Things happen for a reason, so I'm sure there is a reason for this as well. And even if for a short time, it was exciting to be pregnant.

stefani103 · January 2014

Since we announced the first pregnancy on Facebook, it seemed appropriate to announce the loss there too. I went back, this is what I posted, and tagged my husband:

"It's been a rough week. It was confirmed today that we lost the baby. There was nothing to be done, and we have very much appreciated the love and support of our families."

We haven't announced any of the other 3 on Facebook. I agree it is something that should be discussed, but I've said it before, everyone is so friggin nice, and every time it comes up, it just hurts again.

BackstreetPixie · January 2014

First I called my Dad. I asked him to tell his mom and my mom to tell hers and they spread it through the family that way. My hubby called his mom and did the same. Then I posted it on facebook later that day after our parents had called all the grand parents and aunts and uncles. I posted "We went to the doctor today. There was no heartbeat, the baby is miscarried. I don't really want to talk about it." A while later I posted a more details note about what I was going through and a month later I just posted a new note describing how I am feeling. I put both those notes in my post "A month Later" if you are interested.

I post my notes because I need to talk about it and hate that so many women I know private messaged me about having them and never telling anyone and how alone they felt... I feel it is important to talk about it especially since it is so common. I do have to sit back and try not to let things people say hurt me (they never mean to hurt you, but sometimes they do) But I feel it is important to talk about this.

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