Another question for STMs UPDATED!

BB0214 · January 2014

I'm still trying to convince DH that his family can wait at least a few hours before coming to see us at the hospital after I deliver. I am planning to breast feed and I do want at least an hour of skin to skin contact after delivery. I realize that also there are other things going on like delivering the placenta. Can you tell me everything that is going on after delivery and a rough estimate of time that passes before you're taken to the post partem room? Thanks in advance!

BB0214 · January 2014

Yes. From their policy, they will let you have as many people as you want at any time.

gigantan · January 2014

My DD was born at 11am, and I was moved out of recovery (CS) by 2pm into PP room. My family was waiting for me in the PP room however, I didn't mind them waiting for me and baby there

Bwhitten · January 2014

I delivered the placenta, breastfed and then was moved to post partum. Don't remember the exact time. As soon as we were in postpartum family saw the baby quickly and left. I think they had common sense and knew I was tired not up for visitors. If they didn't get the hint I'm sure DH would have let them know I was tired.
If they would have came the next day or hours later they would have felt more comfortable staying longer so I liked it that way.

magentawarped · January 2014

For me, after DD was checked and I delivered the placenta (and got my few stitches) they let me try to nurse for a bit. She wasn't really interested, so it didn't take long. Maybe half an hour. Then they took her to get cleaned up and I was encouraged to try to use the bathroom. I only had DH and my mom in the room for delivery - mom left after DD was first checked so we could have some privacy, and DH followed DD to the nursery. All in all, I was probably in the recovery room about an hour to an hour and a half after delivery.

BB0214 · January 2014

BlueDot818 said:
I'm a FTM, so I can't give you details on what's going on. BUT if DH is wanting his family in the room right away it sounds like you need to hash out this convo quickly.. Let me say I'm completely with you in not wanting visitors right away. I let DH know people can come by on DAY 2 after the birth. For exactly the reasons you're saying. Skin to skin, BFing, other messy details, exhaustion, and I would really love to get a shower in before anyone comes by... He understands that I'm just not comfortable with anyone coming before that...

I carried this baby around for 9 months... I don't want to pass him around like a hot potato 120 minutes after his birth...
:-O

He and I do need to hash this out. Every time we try, he gets so offended that I want some bit of privacy. I get accused of being selfish and inconsiderate of everyone's feelings of excitement. In all honesty, I'd feel a lot better about having any hospital visitors at all if he could just see that all I want is a few hours of privacy for after delivery medical procedures, to bond and breast feed, and to get cleaned up and rest a bit. My thinking is that people would want to give us that time so that the time they do get to visit us and see the baby would be less chaotic and less interrupted. Also, to me those first few hours will be precious time for just the 3 of us. But he doesn't see it that way. It's been very frustrating to get my point across to him.

Jecca07 · January 2014

When I had DD, I tore and then the light went out and they actually had to take me to an OR and put me under in order to stitch me up. I didn't get to see DD till about 6 hours after she was born. So this time my plan is definitely to only call people once we're ready for visitors. Heck, I'd be cool if it were the middle of the night and then we'd just call people around 9 AM.

shellbell3845 · January 2014

FTM, but at my hospital, it's about two hours between delivery and being moved to the mother baby unit (assuming everything goes well). DH and I recently discussed our plan for visitors, specifically his mother. My parents will be at the hospital while I'm in labor. We plan to call mil when we go to the hospital, he'll call again when baby is born, and he'll call again when it's okay for her to visit. Depending on the time of day, she may have to wait until the next morning.

We have also agreed that when I'm breast feeding or having any kind of medical check done all visitors (except him and my mom) need to step out. I don't want to be feeling self conscious when I'm trying to breast feed for the first time.

I've also shared with him that I have anxiety about other people holding my baby for too long. I told him if I say I need my baby back, I need the baby and he needs to back me up immediately.

I think h's really need to take their cues from us on these kinds of things. It's not about being selfish or ruining people's excitement. It's about being protective and meeting the needs of your new LO while also trying to take care of yourself.

inluv4life2 · January 2014

When DD was born, she had some trouble breathing and had assessments, oxygen, and tests before I was able to bf or have skin to skin. It was about 3 hours before I moved to the postpartum room.

I was thankful that we didn't have anyone in the waiting room anxious to see baby. That would have stressed me out! We told our whole family we'd call once baby was born and they could come. My ILs lived 5 hrs away so we told them we were in labor but not to come until we called again. They showed up anyway and DH told them to take a hike.

Do yourself a favor and insist that no one come until you say they can. Knowing they are a few feet away anxious to see baby will be super annoying!

cbear47 · January 2014

My H and I have talked (in depth) about this and he gave me some insight into what he is thinking and feeling. (Remember, his perspective as relayed by me...)

We have had all the bourdons of carrying this child. Our bodies have gone through hell! But we also get the "good" stuff. We get to feel our LOs move every single time. We already "know" our LOs, and they know we're Mom. We, as the person growing this tiny human, are already parents.

But, after the birth. After that long, stressful, exhausting labor, THAT is when our SO's become parents. When they get to finally hold the thing that we've already been holding for 40 weeks!

That is also when our SO's feel like they have some sort of say in what happens, because it's the first time LO ISN'T a part of us. Until that point, if we had the control. (Our bodies... We do what we want!!!) Now, LO is it's own person, and our SO's just want to show them off!

Okay, back to being me! I say you take as much time as you need to start bonding as a family before inviting anyone else in. And let you and your DH's relatives know that. If they don't understand, they'll still forgive you! (You made a baby, they HAVE to forgive you!!!)

keags5496 · January 2014

I had a c/s in the middle of the night so my family just waited until morning which was perfect. I think it really depends on how your labor goes, when you'll want to have visitors. For me, learning to nurse took a little while and I was completely bare chested. I did not want anyone in that room until I had a go at it and knew LO was content. It was also great to be able to take a little cat nap for an hour or two before visitors. I labored for a few days and was exhausted. I think everyone needs to understand that they need to be flexible. You can't predict how things will go or how you and DH will feel in the moment.

boogerbearoriginal · January 2014

Our hospital is set up that labor, delivery and recovery all take place in the same room so I didn't go anywhere. Well, unless of course you have a csection when you'd go to surgery lol.

While they did allow a few visitors right after birth, the hospital policy is that they kick non-support people out for an hour minimum to give me time to take a shower and rest a bit. They also asked IF I wanted the visitors before granting access immediately after birth. From there it was up to me when to allow people back in. The nurse told the grandparents to leave very nicely but firmly without me saying a word.

I have no idea of actual time it took for me, but typically they want the placenta delivered within 30mins of birth and then stitching up varies, and some women don't tear at all. Then they do the baby measurements/etc and let Mom/Dad hold LO for a bit. I'd say it was probably a good hour after birth before they let people actually come in the room.

I actually need to talk with H about how we're going to do things this go around, while we have to call our childcare person I would really like to just not call until after LO arrives. The only exception is perhaps my Mom since she lives 2+hrs from here so even if I call once we're admitted it's not like she'll be there quickly anyway. But I actually didn't mind the visitors right after birth, probably because they were kicked out quickly lol and because I was still all dazed from the whole birth experience it was all sort of surreal. Plus my Mom got some really nice pictures lol.

boogerbearoriginal · January 2014

bribbon said:

Maybe I'm being a bitch, but IMHO there is no reason on earth you should have to stress yourself planning this out so your ILs can know when they will be with the baby. The post-partum stuff takes as long as it takes depending on your delivery and your LO. Then, some babies take right to nursing, some need some time. Once you are ready for visitors, you'll be ready. Anyone who doesn't like having to wait can bring a good book.

I think this is a really important point that perhaps you can stress to your H - it's really not something you can "plan" ahead of time. Some women have easy birth, quick stitch and are ready for visitors in an hour. Some babies are born in distress, Mom has lots of tears, etc etc etc and the whole process after birth can take a few hours to ensure everyone is a-ok.

My ILs were first-time grandparents and SUPER excited to come sit in the waiting room. Honestly, I didn't give a fig that they wanted to sit from 4a until like 11a-Noon ish when they actually got to see the baby. That was their problem and I never once in labor gave the waiting room and who may be impatiently sitting in it a thought.

I would perhaps talk with H about just seeing how things go and making a decision after LO arrives when it's time to let people in. Yes, it will be some time after you actually deliver but that's just how it is.

iwubrory · January 2014

DS was born a little after 7pm, we planned ahead to do the whole golden "hour" thing. This ended up being much longer than an hour. After delivering the placenta, I breastfed which takes a good long while getting things to serm even semi comfortable (imo). Then, the nurses brought in dinner and all kinds of delicious sweet treats, since I hadn't had anything to eat since that morning. When we were finally ready for people to come in it was after 10, 3 hours after birth. Grandparents came in for a qquick visit, then rounds if our siblings, then grandparents really quickly again to say bye and to see if we needed anything. I guess we just hung out for a bit after that because we weren't moved to the post partum room until around 1am.

funchicken · January 2014

ITA with all the posters that it takes as long as it takes. You can't predict how things are going to go or how you're going to feel.

DD1 was born at 3:00am, so we called people the next morning. DD2 was born at 7:30 in the evening, and we called his parents a few hours later to let them know (they were watching DD1), but they waited until the next morning to visit.

halfthetree · January 2014

Since we are having a home birth, I was a bit worried that people wouldn't respect our need for short visits during the immediate post partum period. So we actually just decided to ask people to wait a few days and warned them ahead of time that visits will be short.
You absolutely need that time, and more importantly your baby needs you. That bonding time is so important, cherish it! The baby will be small for a while, they don't need to be holding the baby within hours. That's your job.

Put it in terms of what the baby needs during that period maybe? Explain to your DH how your baby must feel about being passed around to weird smelling people, when he/she only wants you and dad to be safe and familiar. That's what made my DH really understand why I was being such a meanie about not allowing visitors at all until the first couple days are over.

MamaHollywood27 · January 2014

At my hospital it's all done on one room, they pop the end of the bed off and u delivery, they clean u up and put bed back together. When u have a c-section they bring you back to ur room for recovery.... I feel bad so many of us are/where having problems w people respecting our wishes for labor and delivery. Like I said in another post my plan was thrown out the window and I actually liked how it ended up... If possible wait til u give birth then call/text people.... Baby is here! Mom and baby need some rest but are going great. That would hopefully give people a clue?!

RondackHiker · January 2014

Tell him it's selfish to expect you to rush through recovery from labor so people can peek at the baby. It is not unreasonable to want to get rid of the placenta, go to the bathroom, clean and feed the baby, and make yourself a bit more presentable. You have no way of knowing how long that will take.

tiggernorton04 · January 2014

Both sets of grandparents hung around in the hospital waiting room waiting while I was birthing DD. It was around 10 pm by the time I had her. It took some time for us to bond, for me to deliver the placenta, get stitched up, etc. I honestly don't remember when they all came in to meet our DD but they didn't stay too long and nobody held her that first night besides me (and DH I guess lol). The next day is when we had longer visits and the grandparents got to hold her. You definitely need to do what feels right to you. This time will be different because I'm planning a homebirth. My mom will be there mostly to take care of DD but the rest of the grandparents will get a call after the baby is born and we'll let them know when it's okay to come.

Scottnsaranhenri · January 2014

With DS we were going to wait until he was born to call anyone local. As it was I ended up having a c/s, so MH called his mom (she's our only local family). We were in Post op for about 2 hours before they brought us all in to our regular room. I'm glad we had those 2 hours because she was already in the room waiting for us. And it was almost non-stop from there.
Here's the thing that is important to consider. As others have pointed out- You do not know how your labor & delivery will turn out. What if you have complications, a c/s something you didn't plan for. I certainly did not expect a c/s! Plus, what about your excitement? After all that work you need a chance to be excited & meet this person. Hopefully you will come up with something both of you will be happy with.

Chereen · January 2014

FTM but I'm delivering and kaiser and they have a 1 hour no visitor policy so mom, dad and baby have bonding time. After that there's no limit on visitors in the room or visiting hours. I would check with your hospital and see if they have a blocked amount of time after birth for you and baby. Have you talked to DH about how important the window of skin to skin bonding is?

BB0214 · January 2014

Hey Everyone!
Thanks for the information and support! I seriously appreciate it! DH has been working really long hours to complete a work deadline. We hadn't had much time to talk about anything, so I was stressing about this since I'm so close to the due date. I really appreciate the support.
MH and I had some time this morning to have breakfast together and talk. He really let me express how important it is to me that we be able to take our time initially so we can both bond with the baby and not rush through the necessary medical pieces that happen. What really helped him see this point was when I said that these will be the very first moments of us being an actual family. I asked him if he honestly wanted to sacrifice those minutes that we wont

BB0214 · January 2014

Sorry. My finger slipped.
Anyway, DH ultimately agreed with me. He hadn't thought of it in terms of that time after delivery being our first minutes as an actual family.
Thanks everyone for your support and information. I appreciate you ladies!

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