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Late Term and Child Loss
jonahsma
member
I came to the realization...... TTC mentioned and DD mentioned
jonahsma
member
I have had 2 losses in the last yr and four months. My first loss was Sep 3 2012, I had given birth 6mths before to my DD and this pregnancy was a big surprise. A couple of weeks later I started spotting and well the rest is history. It was my first loss and it hit me really hard. I was 8 wks and 5days. I was depressed after the loss, I wanted to TTC right away, because I thought that maybe me being pg would take whatever pain I was feeling away it took us 9 mths and Emily was conceived I was so happy! Then we lost her .... it has been 2 mths and3 days and DH and I considered TTC soon. I thought to myself maybe it will take the pain away, but it wont .. I will always mourn my children and having another baby can not and will not replace my children or the pain . Emotionally and physically I need to wait for awhile. Thanks for hearing me out
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Re: I came to the realization...... TTC mentioned and DD mentioned
****pregnancy mentioned****
I honestly thought, from the time I came out of the shocked fog I was in right after my loss, that if only I got pregnant again I would be happy again. I just wanted to share with you that I was wrong. Being PGAL isn't easy even a year after the loss of Elliott and Ryland. It's so scary and I feel like I'm constantly anxious. I can't tell you how many times I've been to triage for little things because I need reassurance that everything is ok. (I was just there tonight). My advice to you would be to make sure you're really ready. I think God definitely did the right thing by making me wait (we struggle with infertility) I don't think I was ready to be pregnant again as soon as I thought I was. I'd also recommend talking with a counselor about it to get another's take on whether or not you're really ready.
Does being ready meant not fearing it will happen again? Because no matter how long before i get pregnant again, i will always be scared. Even if i have a grown baby i would always be scared to lose him or her. Right now im also so scared to lose my husband.
This is a good question and something I struggle with a lot too. I don't think that the fear of loss ever really goes away once you have been through it unfortunately and for us I imagine once we have living children that perhaps we will be so nervous about something else going wrong. I think that being ready can be different for everyone but for me it is a gut feeling of feeling emotionally ready to take on the risk of loss again if that makes sense. I don't think that I will ever be fully prepared to jump right into trying again in a naive way but rather coming to accept that my child has left the physical world and being prepared for what is ahead and for the hope of what the future brings. It's a very scary thing and having to pick yourself up and mourn and try to be emotionally ready is a really tough balance.
@poisonives I dont think we will ever get over being afraid, going through a loss like this totally changes our perpective on everything. I pray that we are all blessed in whatever we choose.
PS You ladies have all been a great support system to me and i appreciate it!!!
Ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)
I don't think so. I cannot imagine ever being pregnant again and not being scared. I have had an early loss as well, and while it was sad and heartbreaking, it cannot be compared to my later loss...yet with this pregnancy I was still scared of an early loss in the beginning.
It is really different for everyone. I cannot say that being pregnant again has made me happy...in the sense that I am fine again and over my loss. I will never be. But I know this past year has been easier in some ways being pregnant again. The holidays were a little rough, I missed my angel and it would have been her first Christmas, but I cannot deny the fact that part of the reason I wasn't in a very dark place over the holidays is because of my rainbow.
But of course, being pgal is hard, so along with the happiness it brought on fear and guilt. I don't know if I will ever be able to walk the line of loving my rainbow without feeling guilty that we replaced our angel. There are so many emotions tied up in it. Some people may think we started trying to early...we began trying at 6 weeks PP, BFN the first month with success on the second month. So I was already pregnant again by our angel's EDD.
But for us, it was right. We had already been TTC for two years with infertility struggles and one early loss, and both MH and I are going on 35. To wait any longer would not have been helpful for us as it would have caused more anxiety.
So no, getting pregnant again won't automatically erase all of your problems and grief, but even with the fear and guilt, there are still moments of happiness and excitement in pgal. It sounds like a cliche, but when you're ready again, you'll just know.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!