How would you react to this? (Daycare)

welly01 · January 2014

We have instructed DS's teachers that he is not to have milk provided by the school. We've chosen to only give organic milk and he really doesn't drink very much milk (maybe 2 ozs from his sippy, the rest ends up thrown out). We send a sippy cup of our milk for breakfast and he is to have water at lunch. Yesterday on his sheet, it said he had milk for lunch. I asked his teacher about it this morning because I'm worried that sending milk from home will confuse them. His teacher said that yesterday they had a state inspection and the director instructed them to give him a cup of milk because its required that all students get milk and water at each meal (?). The teachers informed the director that they were not supposed to give him milk but the director said since there is no doctor's note on file (which she never requested and isn't needed...its not a medical issue, just a preference of ours) he must have milk.

The issue is NOT that he was given regular milk. I know it won't hurt him and he probably didn't even drink any of it. What I'm pissed about is the director KNOWING our wishes and DELIBERATELY going against them to pass her inspection. This makes me seriously question what else she is "staging" to pass her inspections. This is not the first time that I've had an issue with the director. I just absolutely feel like I can't trust her now.

DS is 14 months and seems to be very happy at this school. We (for the most part) like his teachers and feel that he's taken care of. Also, as far as location and price, it is the best option for us. If we moved daycares, it would be to a chain (Kids R Kids or Primrose) which of course are more expensive. I really want to keep him at this daycare, but I'm just so unhappy with the director.

Am I overreacting? Do you have a daycare you like but a director you hate?

QueSrah · January 2014

Personally I don't think it's a big deal. If the state has guidelines about all kids getting milk at every meal and you don't have a formal note in the file that would "excuse" them in the eyes of the inspectors, then it's the school's duty to give your kid milk. They're doing you a favor to let you get around the rules (for a valid reason in your eyes, right?). But just because they're walking in a gray area on milk wouldn't make me think they're also skirting important rules related to safety and such where I'd no longer trust the director.

jneden · January 2014

I would have a one on one conversation about your concerns and see how she reacts. If she just kind of blows you off and isn't concerned with how you feel I would maybe look into another option. Whenever I have had a concern our director has been very understanding and has always made me feel my concerns were valid. I think that's the way they should be if they really care about the kids.

newenglander71 · January 2014

Like PP, it would be annoying but not to the point where I would pull my kid if I was otherwise happy with the care he receives.

welly01 · January 2014

Thanks ladies! I know I'm overreacting, but I just have a strong personal dislike for the director so pretty much I get mad at her all the time. She is always playing defense against what I'm sure is the craziness of being a daycare director, so anytime you approach her about something she acts like you're accusing her of something wrong or bad. The assistant director is AWESOME though, I wish she would somehow take over, lol.

*sparky* · January 2014

I would not be annoyed w/the Director in this case - I think she did what she needed to do at the time and if they end up failing their inspection I would think that could potentially create bigger issues for you. But I would talk to her about how to make sure you help them stay in compliance going forward, while still honoring your wishes. If that means getting the Dr. to write a note, or sending some milk in for you LO, that is what I would do.

welly01 · January 2014

cjcouple said:

See, I don't think she was staging anything. You said you instructed DS's teachers. You didn't clear it with director first. It's possible director had no idea they were skipping the milk for him.

That's a good point.

whynotwhynot · January 2014

I would be extremely angry. What if you had given the instructions due to an allergy? Someone should have double checked and confirmed with you before giving something you had specifically said not to give to your LO.

cecilyandgautam · January 2014

Would not be an issue for me or least not a big one, but if they have a fridge in the room, can you just send a quart weekly? Another family in my daycare set up is particular about organic and they send in a container labeled with the kid's name periodically along with a clean empty sippy each day.

emberlee3 · January 2014

cecilyandgautam said:
Would not be an issue for me or least not a big one, but if they have a fridge in the room, can you just send a quart weekly? Another family in my daycare set up is particular about organic and they send in a container labeled with the kid's name periodically along with a clean empty sippy each day.

This, exactly. DS loves to tell me about the different kinds of milk his friends drink

snicksnack · January 2014

We recently looked at a daycare That did not offer organic milk They said per state Regulation We would have to have a doctors note on file Stating they should give our child organic milk that we brought from home.

EastCoastBride · January 2014

whynotwhynot said:

I would be extremely angry. What if you had given the instructions due to an allergy? Someone should have double checked and confirmed with you before giving something you had specifically said not to give to your LO.

But her child doesn't have an allergy. That's not the issue here.

welly01 · January 2014

ArkansasMom22 said:

We also don't do juice, so I had to make sure he had some sort of fruit packed on the days when juice is served. That is because juice is used as a "fruit credit" so in order for his meals and snacks to be compliant he had to have a replacement.

That makes me sad that they are using fruit juice as a fruit credit. I know it is an issue of cost and practicality (canned/processed stuff lasts longer), but I wish schools/daycares would try to serve healthier food.

sillygirlio · January 2014

I see this as a case of "I'll scratch your back... you scratch mine". You've made a somewhat baseless request and they are accommodating you. You either need to accommodate them in kind, or you need to do the work to make your accommodation legal.

The director is probably edgy because she is constantly dealing with parents who are angry over minor issues. I'm not being snarky, I'm being honest.

RibbitGrl930 · January 2014

I would let it go. Inspection guidelines trump parent requests every time. To use an extreme example, if I had requested that my 5-month-old son only sleep on his stomach, and he was spotted during a surprise inspection sleeping on his stomach, they would get dinged BIG time because my state regulations state that infants must sleep on their backs until they turn 6 months. Since your son does not have a doctor's note exempting him from having milk during lunch, the director has no obligation to comply with that request.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

While I don't think it's a huge deal, I do look at it differently from the others. If it's a state regulation that they offer milk and water at every meal, they should be offering it with every meal, period. If that means you have to send more they need to tell you to send more (and that it may be wasted) and if you do not want to send more and have it wasted they need to point blank tell you that he will be offered their milk every day.

My point being, in this case the non compliance to a state reg seems ok with you but they shouldn't be picking and choosing and it's a slippery slope. The rules are there for a reason and I don't like that they only followed them because someone was watching.

sillygirlio · January 2014

amy052006 said:

I see this as a case of "I'll scratch your back... you scratch mine". You've made a somewhat baseless request and they are accommodating you. You either need to accommodate them in kind, or you need to do the work to make your accommodation legal.
The director is probably edgy because she is constantly dealing with parents who are angry over minor issues. I'm not being snarky, I'm being honest.

Why exactly is it baseless?
It seems that the daycare could have spared everyone the hassle by saying "We need a note for the milk" when the topic came up. Either the teachers didn't know the regulation, or the chose to ignore it. Either way, how exactly is that a parent's problem? It's not like the OP is saying "I refuse to send a note for the milk

I'm not saying the OP is the one in the wrong, it sounds like there is a serious lack of communication in this center. That said, her request was due to a preference, not a medical issue. Yes, she is free to have preferences, we all do, but I can see why the director said to give the child a cup of milk during inspections. They're doing her a favor by catering to her preferences and If I were in the director's position I wouldn't risk my job or business in the name of a simple preference. I wouldn't even consider it. There isn't an inspector in the world who is going to say, "Oh, the Mom asked you to do this? Well, then it's ok that you're not in compliance!"

The OP said herself that she wasn't upset about the milk because she knew it wouldn't hurt him.

My opinion is probably colored by the fact that I've been in the daycare director's role. I don't know anything about the woman who posted this, but I've dealt with MANY parents who threw a fit because I required a doctor's note to fulfill their preference. I've made concessions under the table for parents who's doctor wouldn't give them a note because they had a preference and not a need, but you can bet that when the inspector came through everyone was in compliance. Parent preference be damned!

scrappingcat · January 2014

I agree that this doesn't seem like an issue. If your son is drinking so little milk it may be a good idea to offer it at lunch as well. My DS didn't like milk all that much and when Pedi asked how much he was drinking and I told her she gave me a ton of ideas to get him to drink more saying that they've been seeing significant changes in calcium levels in little ones recently due to lack of encouraging milk in the diet.

bullybutt · January 2014

Yes, I think a bigger concern is the 14 month old not getting enough milk (period) in his diet. If it's not a true medical concern, I don't see the problem. I'd rather see him get drink any kind of milk at that point. Definitely not worth pulling him from daycare.

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