Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

sadly, an intro...

kboydbowmankboydbowman member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hello all.  Currently in the "waiting" phase of a missed miscarriage.  First pregnancy, at age 35, and very much a wanted baby.  First ultrasound at 10w on 1/8/14 showed fetus sized 7w5d and no heartbeat, so presumably the baby died right around Christmas (merry fucking Christmas, right?) which was also when we had announced on Facebook (oh, the irony).  Beta from 1/8/14 was 42,000 and beta from 1/10/14 was 28,000, so the numbers are going in the right direction, but nothing is happening.  No cramps, no blood, and all my secondary indicators (yay, nausea!) are still there.  So more waiting.  I'd rather not have the D&C if possible.

We have a name picked out (my wife is Hawaiian, so it's a symbolic Hawaiian name) and will likely get memorial tattoos (butterflies maybe) after everything is done.  I just want this to be over so we can try again.  I only have just so much time, you know?  Emotionally, I'm alternating between sadness and rage.

I don't know what else to say right now.  I've been posting on Facebook a lot (it feels important, both personally and so that something that usually gets hidden is actually talked about), but I wanted to post here, too, since you all are my "people" (family of not-choice, but family all the same) and can relate. 
Current pregnancy -
First BFP on 1/4/22.  Due date 9/13/22.

Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.


Report Reply to Post

Re: sadly, an intro...

  • anglndsguse44anglndsguse44 member
    I am very sorry for your loss. I am learning that this is a very supportive group of women. 








    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • aezimmermanaezimmerman member
    I am very sorry for your loss. You are brave to put it out there on Facebook. I hid from the world for at least 2 weeks following my natural m/c. My anger has passed. I am mostly fine now, but I do have occasional bouts of sadness. I told some friends about the m/c for the first time last night. I got tears in my eyes, but didn't shed any. Give it time.
    Report Reply
  • IfMamaAintHappyIfMamaAintHappy member
    The waiting part is the worst. I'm so sorry for your loss. Once the physical part is over, you will begin to find a way to start healing emotionally. I am three weeks removed from my natural m/c and my perspective and rawness is much different than it was even two weeks ago. I still have random bouts of sadness and crying, but it does get better slowly but surely.

    *** siggy warning- losses mentioned- everyone welcome *****

     

    Me:  36

    DH:  42  (w/ 2 children from prior marriage)

    Us:  TTC for our 1st together since August 2013

    1st BFP:  November 2013  (m/c at 7 wks)

    2nd BFP:  February 2014  (m/c at 6 wks)

    RPL Panel started in March 2014

    3rd BFP:  May 2014 (m/c at 5 wks)

    4th BFP:  June 2014 (CP at 4 wks)

    RE appt in June 2014 (all RPL panel tests are normal...it's likely egg quality due to my age and borderline DOR)

    Baseline AFC: 8 follies

    2 IUI cycles (July and August 2014- both BFN)

    IVF #1 w/ ICSI & PGS- October 2014 (AFC: 8 follies; ER Oct 20:  5R/3M/2F;  the 2 only made it to day 3 and stopped growing before biopsy)

    key supplements: DHEA (25mg- 3x/day); CoQ10 (300 mg/day) ISWTE believer here!

    IVF #2 EPP w/ ICSI & PGS- AFC:  13 follies!   10R/6M/6F-  5 biopsied for PGS- 1 normal embryo

    FET scheduled for February 2015 delayed in order to do one more ER in hopes of getting at least 1 more normal embryo

    IVF #3 EPP w/ ICSI & PGS:  7R/5M/5F-  2 biopsied for PGS- 1 normal embryo

    FET #1 April 23, 2015:  1 PGS tested embryo transferred - BFN

    FET #2 June 30, 2015:  1 PGS tested embryo transferred- BFP!! 

     image

    Report Reply
  • redheadscu1redheadscu1 member
    I am so sorry for your loss. It is refreshing to hear you are being open about it on facebook. The fact that it's such a taboo topic makes an already devastating thing to go through really isolating as well. Also having morning sickness when you know you're MC is a really cruel joke it seems. If you give yourself time to heal, it will eventually hurt less. The memorial tattoos is a really beautiful sentiment. Hopefully you will explain what it means to your future child or children. Hang in there.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"