Dilemma-No kids at shower… WWYD?
flgirl20134
member
I need advice. My BFF is throwing my shower. She mentioned she is doing a theme that wouldn’t be good for kids (spa theme and fancy foods) and asked if we could do adults only. Since it is at my house, she really wants my input. My house is also not kid friendly at all, we have a lot to do before LO comes. I was initially torn, because I wasn’t sure if a lot of friends with kids would be insulted or wouldn’t be able to come unless they brought their kids. I really don’t know what the etiquette is.
However, we started talking and I have a family member whose son is a total monster. His mother never disciplines him and he runs around destroying everything. My house is decorated with white window treatments, sofa, glass vases, tables, etc… (I know when the baby comes the white stuff will likely be ruined, but still I don’t want to have this happen earlier than needed). Last time this boy was at my house, he stuck his hands in every food, butter and sauce he could and ran around running his hands on the walls, window treatments, and couch, trying to break anything that he could like glass like vases. He is also very aggressive with other kids and very load. He screams and throws a fit if he isn’t getting attention. His mother rarely tried, but even when she does he doesn’t listen to her at all. I really don’t want him at my shower. I told my family member that we were doing adults only and she made a big deal about how she never heard of no kids at a shower. She also has a habit of RSVPing and then not showing. So who knows if she will really come.
Now, my BFF is starting to get RSVP and a couple of family/friends RSVP with their 1 year olds. She is asking if she should tell them they can’t bring their kids or just allow kids now. She as well doesn’t know if it’s rude to start telling people not to bring their kids. Here is my dilemma. I am actually fine with all of the kids except this one little boy who I am afraid will cause a lot of stress. His mother won’t stop him from breaking and destroying things, so we will have to watch him. Is it wrong to let her think no kids are allowed and then act like I didn’t know these other people were bringing their kids? Or, do I need to stick with either adults only or allow all kids including hers? (These kids are well behaved) WWYD?
Re: Dilemma-No kids at shower… WWYD?
Stick to adults only. A baby shower is actually about ONE baby, not all kids. I've never been to a shower that's included kids. I very much see it as an adults only event anyhow.
PLUS if I were invited to bring my DS, I probably wouldn't! I like to have adult time.
I think your host needs to call these guests and just gently explain that it's an adult themed shower and unfortunately kids can't be accommodated.
I don't really get people who get "offended" over their kids not being invited to certain events. Not ALL events are kid friendly - it's a part of life. And if your friends rewally would be insulted - I find THEM rude more so than you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Melissa
When the day came, one of her SILs came in trailing her 3 boys, five and under. She apologized because she knew by how the envelope was addressed that we didn't intend to invite them, but her husband was called in to work, her dad and brothers went hunting, her MIL is deceased and her mom would of course be at the shower as the grandma to be, so it was either she brought them or she stayed home. I honestly did not mind them being there because they are pretty well behaved and we'd much rather have her come and bring them than not come at all. They got in front of her opening a couple presents, but really, nbd.
The mom of the boy we were trying to avoid having at the shower, of course, still ended up bringing him. (Soup Cousin strikes again.) He had temper tantrums under the gift table, was trying to ride on the cart that we used to bring supplies in, and kept running out the door into the hallway, so we had to keep the door closed even though the room was stifling hot. Soup Cousin wouldn't chase after him because she said she wanted to leave him with a friend but her mom (our aunt who was also at the shower) insisted she bring him.
So, simply addressing the envelopes to the women doesn't necessarily work and she might have to verbally tell people no kids. But keep in mind, some people may not be able to come if they don't have someone to watch their little one. So it comes down to if you'd rather have your friend/family member there or not have their kid(s) there.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
THIS!!
THIS!!
This x1000. I had someone ask to bring their kids, and I felt like I had to say yes and I still wish I hadn't (she asked the host, host asked me)... It wasn't fun for them.
It's just in this case, I just think that you're over-thinking it. If they weren't invited by the hostess, then they aren't invited and she needs to stick to what she said.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
A- 09/2006 I- 04/2010 N- 04/2012 M & G- 01/2014
A cousin of mine is getting married and everything has been kid free thus far. I live 3 hrs away and my bf 10 month old wont take a bottle or eat table food. When I asked if I could bring him she said no kids. My sis has 4 kids, very well behaved, 1 3 month old also breast fed. She told her it wasn't kid friendly either. We both said fine sorry we can't come. She got mad and then eventually said come.
Her best friends 4 mo was there and screamed the whole time. The house and event was more then kid friendly and mine and m sisters kids were quiet and behaved.
I overheard my cousin say she didn't want kids to take the attention off her. That's also why they're not invited to the wedding...
In our family it's 99% of the time kids invited... So I'm offended by no kids allowed
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
Yup. All of this. It was wrong of the bride to get pissed when people declined, but - this concept of "my kid HAS to be included" is so weird. Luckily most Of the women I know are capable of maintaining their individuality after becoming moms.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No kids!!
I would like to add to sschwege's comment that just because kids are allowed 99% of the time in your family does NOT mean that they are allowed in other people's families. A non family member hosted my bridal shower and I would not have felt comfortable with some people (including family member's kids) coming to this person's house. The cople didn't have children and they have a lot of expensive things. Many parents that I know aren't teaching their children to respect other peoples property and when the children break things the parents rarely replace it or make the children earn money to replace it if the kids are big enough.
Would I be fine with all the kids from my IL's side coming to a baby shower if someone from the IL's side was hosting? Absolutely. However, I wouldn't want to step on my hosts toes. It is really tricky when the mother or mil isn't hosting the shower. Guests should respect the hosts wishes. I hope OP realizes that often times the expectant mother can't control whether her host allows children or not.