Any other STM thinking of staying home?

Julygirl80 · January 2014

I go back and forth.....

If you are thinking of staying home, what is motivating?

If not, what is motivating you to work?

I understand financially, it needs to make sense. Totally get that. Just trying to hear some other opinions on people who have the option.

Thanks!

Unknown · January 2014

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Julygirl80 · January 2014

Good point- in my mind I was thinking STM because I am a STM but really this does apply to any and all!

potbellypig · January 2014

I thought about it before DD, and I thought I would love mat leave and thought that I would want to stay home when it was over.

Turns out, I didn't love being home with a baby. I found it boring.

We can afford either financially (daycare/not having my income), but I find that I am a much better mother/wife/individual when I work. I also like contributing financially and find that when DH and I are both working, we fight less about the division of labour/childcare in the home in the evening and on weekends because we both perceive the other as having worked just as hard during the day. Plus, this way we can afford to hire a cleaner once in a while which is a nice perk.

EDIT: to complete a sentence.

Virgo&Aquarius · January 2014

I personally couldn't imagine not working. I've been working since I was 15 and been with my current company since 17. Helping my "kids" reach their higher ed goals drive me when it comes to my career. I had to work with my first DD and with my next one, I have to work as well. We need two incomes in our household and I actually love what I do. When I was home for 6 weeks with DD#1 I would go and visit my job lol I've formed life long relationships with people there and I appreciate them. I'll be taking 12 weeks off this go around. I'm going to enjoy spending time with my newborn while DD is at school... I know part of me will miss doing what I do at work though.

dunvilles · January 2014

I am a second time mon and didn't like staying home with a baby. This time I am considering it bc I am loving helping out in my son's preschool, we are much better off financially now, and I have a lot more friends that stay at home this time.

slwprincess · January 2014

This has been a tough decision for me for quite a while now and to be honest, up until recently I never really felt like I was the one making the decision... more like my circumstances were dictating what I had to do. That's a really tough position to be in. With my first, I had just started a new job with the govt and I knew I had to go back... for financial reasons and just b/c I hadn't finished my first year and if I ever wanted to go back, that would be a career killer. Luckily my office has a daycare on site so even though I had to return at 8 weeks, DS was there with me and I could go down and nurse him.

With my second, it was a HUGE debate on what I was going to do. Financially, we were more stable and the cost of 2 kids in daycare was a huge drain but I was still bringing home enough to cover it and then some. DD was going to daycare at my office but we had moved DS to a different facility closer to home b/c he needed more one on one care with speech development. So I was doing TWO daycare drop offs! STUPID STUPID STUPID- in hindsite, I should have just put DD at the same center but I knew that would be the end of BF so we did separate daycares. After about 6 mos, I was unraveling at the seams and asking to go part time. My managers offered to work with me and let me use leave without pay as needed to spend more time with the kids. Even so, it was still hard as hell! I should also mention that my commute was over an hour each way so that plus 2 daycare drop offs was taking me 2+ hours each morning and evening. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained and really questioning whether it was worth it anymore. It wasn't until last year when I basically started teleworking full time that things became better. I only go in the office 1-2 days a week now and I love being at home and close to DS's school and DD's daycare so I can attend their programs and parties. Best of both worlds.

Now with #3 on the way, I realized that I would be returning to work just as DS got out of school for the summer. This would mean we would be paying for THREE kids in daycare all summer. Um, no thank you. DH and I make good money but I would basically be working to pay for daycare and that's where I draw the line. Luckily, I learned that my union agreement allows for me to take up to 12 mos off for the birth of a child (unpaid of course, but I still have the job protection). So I am taking 6 mos off (actually closer to 7). I will be home with all 3 kids this summer and will return back to work right after school starts back in August. I am scared and excited. Knowing how I am about working, I feel like I will probably be dying to come back to work after that amount of time but then again, I feel like if I don't do the SAHM thing (even short term), I will always wonder if I would have loved it? So basically, after this one, I will have done it all- FT working mom, PT working mom, FT Teleworking mom, and SAHM! I am beyond blessed to have these kinds of options and to have managers that support me. They are making some pretty huge sacrifices this year without me there and I will be eternally grateful for this opportunity! It's definitely not something I take for granted.

ETA: sorry this became a frickin novel

JackieP1023 · January 2014

I am a FTM and would love to SAH. Financially, it isn't going to work for us. It would-but lots of sacrifices would have to be made. Sacrifices DH doesn't want to make. I currently work 2 PT jobs, both have been very accomodating through my tough pregnancy. My 'main' job is talking about increasing my hours to FT, so then it would definitely be more beneficial for me to be working. Besides that, we travel to visit my family at least once a year, and we wouldn't be able to do that if I SAH.

kracosta · January 2014

Well I'm a TTM

I will be a SAHM this go around. I actually have been for the past 3 years. For me it was really hard in the beginning especially considering my other kids are middle/high school. I think i was a bit bored.... But actually, this has been the most rewarding experience. I worked full time with my other two (single mom to be exact). So this time I get to experience everything one on one. I'm really looking forward to this. That being said, I loved my job before. I was active duty Army and then started contracting for the military. Loved what I did. But thankfully, we are financially stable enough (very Blessed), that I can stay at home.

mdr619 · January 2014

I am a nanny to three girls. Been taking care of them for almost 8 years! This is my last week with them. I'll be staying home with my baby. There were multiple reasons that went into this decision, but the biggest was the cost of child care. It's expensive, not to mention the fact that it doesn't make much sense for us to pay someone to watch our baby so I can go watch someone else's kids.

PeachLove25 · January 2014

For the cost of childcare in the DC area, plus my commute each day on public transportation... It doesn't make sense for me to work right now! Definitely taking a break for awhile. I'll go back to teaching after a year or two. I can't see paying 1,600/month for someone else to spend more time with my baby than I do. Excited, even though it's short term.

shellbell3845 · January 2014

Ftm, but I'll be transitioning to SAHM in June. I'm taking two months of maternity leave, and I'll go back to my part time teaching job in May for the last few weeks of school. My school is more than likely closing at the end of the year, and I won't be looking for another job. I'm really looking forward to having this opportunity to stay home with LO.

sdlaura · January 2014

For me it's not a financial decision - I have just never considered not working. I'm lucky that my income is enough that it still makes sense to work with multiple kids, even with high daycare costs here. I also think daycare has been good for my daughter and like PPs said, it's good for me as a mom and for my marriage for me to continue working.

oscarkat · January 2014

This is my third go round. After my son I went back to work for a year with the plan that after our second was born I would stay home (the paid maternity leave in Canada is awesome). For me, I hated going back to work, but staying home isn't for everyone either. It's about what works for you.

I think I got a good dose of knowing that I wouldn't be happy working during the 10 months that my son was in daycare and I went back to work. My husband dropped him off in the mornings, so that I could start work earlier and leave earlier, and I still hated it every day.

I think it works so well for DH and I because I really love being home. I love cooking dinner at night, I don't love cleaning the house (who does), but I don't resent doing it either. It also doesn't bother me at all that five minutes after it's clean DS and DD will have gone through it like a tornado. My husband is very understanding too - he doesn't expect anything, and is grateful for everything. He doesn't care if the house is a mess, or the laundry is behind. If I'm tired at night he'll tell me to go have a bath and relax, and on the weekends, he'll let me sleep in at least one of the days and keep the kids quiet (we're fair here, if he's been able to sleep in during the week as his work start time can fluctuate, then I'll sleep in both days).

I also have a bit of a 50's housewife mentality too, by choice. I understand that he busts his ass every day for us to make sure that we can do this. Because of this I take on as much as I can around the house. I'm in charge of the budget and paying bills now. I do my damnedest to cut costs on our bills even though I hate making phone calls to try and get deals, I still do it. In the winter I shovel or blow out the snow from the driveway, and in the summer I cut the grass. I love doing things around the house too. I've re-graded the front yard, built a giant deck in the back yard, painted the house, put up wall paper, etc. Anything I can do myself, I do to save money, because it is tight for us. I started the blog below as a hobby too, and hope to grow it more in the next year. It does bring in an extra $30 a month in income, so that's usually enough for a movie for DH and I.

I will say that I need to find some more "Mommy" friends. I've got a few neighbors, but I should make more of an effort to spend time with them. After this DD is born I'm going to try and join a Mommy group too to make some more friends. I moved about 90 minutes away from the girls I was close with, but now, outside of the distance, I have nothing in common with any of them. We all went to a small private girls school together... none of them have kids yet, half of them aren't even in a serious relationship, and half of them are still completely supported by their families money. None of them can grasp why I would want to stay home, why I don't want a career, why I check in with my husband and kids when we are out for dinner, or why I can't and don't want to just pick up for a weekend away. I really am the black sheep now of the group, but I'm ok with that too, I'd much rather be where I am.

I don't regret it for a second. My advice would be this: If you want to and can swing it, stay home. If 1, 6, 12, 24 months down the road you decide it's not for you - don't feel bad about it. As long as you always make the best decision for YOU and for YOUR FAMILY you'll be making the right decision (screw what anyone else thinks or tells you).

blondegirl22 · January 2014

I'm a STM and I have been home since I was 8 months pregnant with DD. I love it. The time I get to spend with her and will spend with LO is priceless. I have no clue how people get bored. I'm always busy doing something... Play dates, story times, museum, plus keeping the house up and cooking etc.

DH and I made this decision before we were even married that I would stay home once we started a family. Are there frustrating days? Of course. Do I want to pull my hair out some days? Yes. But, who doesn't have days like that. I know what my daughter does all day and who she spends her days with. I get to be there for milestones. I cannot ever get this time back. They grow and change so quickly.

We have made sacrifices financially, but it is worth it to us. My DH is also very understanding. He helps out too. I have my MIL help 2 mornings a week so I can go workout and I usually spend a weekend morning at yoga or shopping so DH has one on one time with DD and I get me time. I think creating that balance is very important. I understand it may not be for everyone. It works for us. GL with your decision!

azzyberry · January 2014

I became a SAHM after I had my first. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM way before I had kids if possible. I had a good job and I was very good at my job, but I didn't love my job. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. Some people really love to work and need that which is fine, but that just wasn't me.

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