Venting.....

krysfran1979 · January 2014

So our children (my son and my bf son) go to a private church school. I have been a member of this type of church my entire life. We recently switched churches and schools for the boys. Same religion. We applied for membership and thought all was fine. Now let me mention we applied back in June so all this time we have thought everything was fine. We received offering envelopes and have been participating as if we are members. I was told by one of the pastors that the board of elders has denied our membership because we are choosing to live together before marraige in sin...WTH.....I mean we have different last names but we come to everything together and they just figured out we are not married???? I am upset with this because we do plan on getting married in 2 years at a destination wedding. I do not want to walk down the aisle being pregnant. But I guess we are getting married this weekend because it is important to us that our children receive the best education possible and the public schools in our area our not good. Sorry if anyone thinks this is petty but i just needed to get it off my chest because I am pretty upset by it but feel like my hands are tied.....grrrrrr

dogsombrero · January 2014

Wow judgy mcjudgerson church-folk. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

FlemDance · January 2014

Wow, that's an awful situation - so sorry! Hugs!

krysfran1979 · January 2014

Thanks. It just pisses me off. I also am not allowed to come to the Lords table until I "rectify" the situation. I thought everyone who came to communion was coming as sinners but hey im not a pastor or elder I guess. Just frustrating...

firebelle26 · January 2014

Wow, I know plenty of women who are married but have kept their maiden names. How do they know that's not what you did? I know that's not the case, but still.

SurprisePartySue · January 2014

Wow! Churches still do that!? You would think they would be more concerned about other pressing matters around the world than you "living in sin" SMH

I'm sorry your going through this.

julesf817 · January 2014

So they've been fine with accepting your donations all this time, but suddenly they aren't ok with your marital status?

yet another reason i want no part of organized religion.

mmks · January 2014

Sounds like a catholic church. Considering how attendance has fallen off so much, can the church really be so picky? I agree with PP about not wanting to attend church where I'd feel judged/not accepted.

oscarwao · January 2014

mmks said:

Sounds like a catholic church. Considering how attendance has fallen off so much, can the church really be so picky? I agree with PP about not wanting to attend church where I'd feel judged/not accepted.

Catholic Churches do not have pastors or elders. They have priests and deacons, so I would guess this is not a Catholic Church. I wouldn't want to attend an organization actively trying to exclude me as PP said.

Unknown · January 2014

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reneewhite90 · January 2014

DH and I already had our first two children before we were married. We were also living together. We just got married this past August. My parents still attend the church I grew up at (was part of their youth group when I was younger and did a ton a volunteer/mission work). There have been a lot of changes made there over the past few years, including the priest at the church. My dad made it a point to tell us that he knows the priest pretty well at this point and that in talking with him he found out that this priet has called and cancelled on couples signed up to be married merely from hearing their answering machines at home and finding out they were living together before being married. I understand as Catholics there are "rules" but seriously...? We got married through DHs church (also catholic). He had attended school there from K-8th grade, though, so they were much more lenient with us. Crazy church folk....

TaylorHam86 · January 2014

That is awful! I absolutely HATE it when churches try to throw their power around. Unfortunately I think all churches are a little bit guilty of it in some way or another, mine included.

I am Presbyterian as well, but sadly we're not all as loving and accepting as yours is, @Carpenter627. We have many families who left our church because of "the sexuality issue" across the denomination, even though our particular church has tried to remain very neutral on the issue.

One family in particular left the church, but is still choosing to raise their daughter in our youth group and Sunday School. The daughter is even going through Confirmation and will be confirmed (aka join) the church at the end, "as long as we don't discuss sexuality" in Confirmation class.

To top it off? I'm pretttttty sure their daughter is gay. Yeah.

Sorry, I didn't mean to stray so much from OP. @krysfran1979, I'm really sorry they are doing that to you. Can you meet with the pastor and try to fight it?

mileswithmyles · January 2014

That sucks. Good luck!

lv2011 · January 2014

That really sucks. Especially because it seems like you're getting a double standard on what your particular faith teaches, having already not had problems previously at another church. I will say, just in case, that if they frown on that and you've always known but managed to squeak by, then I hope you're not terribly surprised. If that's what they teach, and you're not okay with it, then you probably shouldn't belong to that church/ faith.

For what it's worth, a Catholic school will take ALL kids, regardless of family background

krysfran1979 · January 2014

The only reason I am choosing to get married is because I truly want the boys to go to school there. I went to a private school k-8 and I want that for my kids. I have talked with the pastor who became our pastor the same time we "joined". He is trying to be understanding but has to stand with the church on this one. If it wasnt for the education I would not care where I worshiped. I have been Lutheran for my whole life but I have worshiped at other churches from time to time just because. I am a believer and I believe my sins are forgiven regardless of what they may be. I am just upset that a group of men who are all over the age of 50 can sit there and deny me membership because I am a sinner. I truly thought we where all sinners in one way or another. Are my sins any worse then theirs. Ok i am starting to feel better just getting it out because I can not post this one facebook as the one pastor is on my friends list.....

krysfran1979 · January 2014

Oh and it is important I become a member because then my children go tuition free. Otherwise it is 5000 a year per child......

MamaLlama14 · January 2014

We have a very progressive Pope for the first time in history. He has very progressive opinions on marriage equality, contraception, economics, homosexuality... heck, he even told moms to feel free to breastfeed during his homily last week during a baptism! He told those same parents that children should not be punished for the unconventional choices their parents may have made (specifically, he was talking about why he agreed to baptize a little girl whose parents had a JoP marriage, unrecognized by the church). Maybe you should cite that to the Elders and see if they change their tune!

He asked bishops around the world to poll their congregations and find out where the people stand on these same issues. It surprises me that some churches remain closed-minded to a more modern form of religion and worship.

No, I take that back- it doesn't surprise me at all. It just saddens me.

Edited: spelling

rainydayluck · January 2014

krysfran1979 said:

Oh and it is important I become a member because then my children go tuition free. Otherwise it is 5000 a year per child...…

Wow that is a nice deal. I am atheist and want to avoid parochial schools and was about to suggest non-parochial schools, but obviously they are super expensive. We live in an area with really crappy schools. DD will either go to a magnet school, charter school or a better district where I work. Education is a hard decision when you live in a crappy school area!

Jillzy86 · January 2014

mmks said:
Sounds like a catholic church. Considering how attendance has fallen off so much, can the church really be so picky? I agree with PP about not wanting to attend church where I'd feel judged/not accepted.

As a Catholic, I would like to clarify that this is not something I have ever witnessed in the church. When my DH and I got married we had been living together for three years and all our priests said "just to clarify, the Catholic Church frowns upon living together before marriage, but They are not one to judge" they never brought it up again. Never have I heard anyone being denied anything just because they were living together out of wed lock. As for schooling they would probably make you promise to raise your children in their faith and receive all of their sacraments if they are going to a catholic school.
To krysfran1979 I'm sorry your church has made you feel like a sinner. You have every right to live your life the way you want to. If you can look at the plus side now you and your partner get to have Two weddings!

shaunamw · January 2014

I totally understand. we signed DS up for the wait list at ours and during the initial interview we were told that we would need to be remarried within the church walks before they could admit our son. I felt like screaming we've been married happily for five years and we don't need to do it again with the church walls for it to be official.

Stupid but we agreed because we really want DS to go there.

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