Grey - question re: teasing — The Bump
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Grey - question re: teasing

Re: Grey - question re: teasing

  • I know Grey isn't the most popular name on here, but it is one of the few that DH both have on our lists. However, he is worried that cruel kids will say "Grey is gay" in that sing-songy voice that kids tease with. Would you foresee this being an issue?

  • edited January 2014

    Maybe?

    But kids can be cruel and can think of something to tease anyone about.  If it's not the name, it's the hair, the clothes, what the kid eats, what he doesn't eat etc.

     

     

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    [Deleted User]MishaBelle521[Deleted User]Spin313
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  • Kids can make fun of anything. My sister said kids will make fun of Henry because it sounds nerdy but I plan to teach my kid to have a thicker skin then that. You can't foresee how your child will get picked on but you can teach him how to be happy and confident in himself. FWIW the way people are naming their kids now a days I highly doubt Grey would be the most out there name. Also with the gay community making great strides and becoming more accepted I don't see our kids having the same ignorant emotions that our parents had. kids get shit from their parents and now a days schools don't tolerate bullying.
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  • I'm with @Helenahhandbasket...  It'll be LO's speech impediment, his ears, that one time he came out of the restroom with TP stuck to the bottom of his shoe...  

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  • I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.

  • Grey is just so gloomy a name to me-  I think Grey skies or Grey matter or anything but a little kids name.   Not trying to be snarky just don't fully get the appeal but I do know its getting popular so I must be missing something :)    

    If I loved the name I wouldn't let that particular taunt hold me back.  Like pp's said I think kids will come up with a million reasons to pick on each other and they aren't always so obvious or avoidable.

  • OP, I get what you are saying, but "Grey is gay" isn't obvious to me. 

    Also, I really, really hope by the time our kids are in school, parents catch on and enforce that it's not ok to make fun of your class mates...

     

     

     

    ...unless they deserve it. 

     Kidding!!

     

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  • Ashli109 said:

    I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.

    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.
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  • I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.
    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.


  • Ashli109Ashli109
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    edited January 2014
    I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.
    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.


  • Eh, kids will think of some way to tease each other no matter what. That being said, I hate the name. Sorry.
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  • I beg to differ; it is not ignorance, just a simple concern that I am asking for opinions on. This board is for posting questions / concerns and for asking others' opinions who are outside your "circle". Ignorance regarding gay bashing is far from what is going on here.

  • Sahara78 said:
    Ha, I expected you to be worried about 50 Shades of Grey.
    That's exactly what I thought.
                                       
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  • I do not find there anything to be wrong with being gay, actually. However, I do find something wrong with teasing a child and calling him/her gay. If that is ignorance regarding gay bashing, then you hit the nail on the head. I'm not sorry that I would prefer other children to not call my child - or anyone else's child - gay, in a derogatory remark.

    This has gotten so blown out of context. Wow.


  • OP, a family member brought that up when MH listed off some of our favorite names and Gabriel came up. The quote was "Oh, they'll call him Gay Gabe."

    This irks me for so many reasons. I'm not going to list them all. In 2014, I think we know them all. Kids will find any reason to pick on a child if they want to, finding a suitable nickname for him out of his given name wouldn't be a concern of mine. We still named him Gabriel and in a perfect world, "gay" won't be considered an insult. In an imperfect world, hopefully we'll teach him to rise above jerks.
    Thank you. I truly appreciate your honest opinion - and this is exactly what I was hoping would be the general consensus.

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  • Ashli109 said:

    I beg to differ; it is not ignorance, just a simple concern that I am asking for opinions on. This board is for posting questions / concerns and for asking others' opinions who are outside your "circle". Ignorance regarding gay bashing is far from what is going on here.

    Yup! And that was my opinion! That it's ignorant to think a name can set your kid up for years of "abuse" simply because you think it rhymes with the word gay. Your really over reacting on this. I thought your comment about "years of abuse" was just dramatic. But that's just my opinion.
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  • The only experience I have with this name was in high school.  THere was a girl named Margaret who asked to be called Grey.  All I can say is she was teased mercilessly about it.  She gave up on Grey sooner rather than later and went by Margaret.

     

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  • Joy2611 said:
    Ashli109 said:
    I do not find there anything to be wrong with being gay, actually. However, I do find something wrong with teasing a child and calling him/her gay.
    But, if there's nothing wrong with being gay, how can it be an insult? 

    Maybe I'm just tired, but those two sentences seem very contradictory to me.  I'm not at all trying to pick a fight - I'm trying to point out how the argument seems slightly illogical.

    But, it all goes back to the same thing: someone says "Grey is gay!" and his response - that you've taught him - is to smile and move on.  If the person saying it doesn't get a rise out out of the other, the game quickly becomes not fun.

    EDIT: And you came in here worried that someone calling your child gay would be a problem.  That's going to strike a few nerves with a lot of people.  I'm actually surprised this thread isn't more out of control.

    Joy is right, OP. 

    You can't think it's OK to be gay and also see being called gay an insult.   

     

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  • So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.

  • Ashli109 said:
    So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.

    No, my children will be taught that gay isn't an insult. 

    They will be taught that it's a descriptive term-- like tall, chubby, brunette and straight are. 

     

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  • I also wouldn't want my child calling another child "chubby" - there are terms that, whether or not you think they are acceptable, are insults.

  • Gay bashing and gay bullying is verbal or physical abuse against a person who is perceived by the aggressor to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, including persons who are actually heterosexual or of non-specific or unknown sexual orientation.

    It's not blowing it out of context, by saying you think your kid will get teased for being gay is the definition of gay bashing. Just had to clarify why I used that term. I wasn't trying to blow this up but that's just what the term is.
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  • Ashli109 said:
    I also wouldn't want my child calling another child "chubby" - there are terms that, whether or not you think they are acceptable, are insults.

    But gay isn't one of them. 

     

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  • Your opinion is noted. I personally would prefer my children not to call anyone gay or chubby or be called gay or chubby. Regardless of if they are gay or chubby, they can both be interpreted as insults.

    I think we can agree to disagree.

  • I think this is not a good reason to not choose a name. Kids will tease about anything - they will just straight up call someone gay even if their name doesn't rhyme with it. What about the names Ray, Shae, Kay, etc.? These all rhyme with Gay and are perfectly suitable. Besides, I can't imagine children under about 8 coming up with this teasing. Being called gay is the one insult that would be good to have an open conversation about. Why is it bad or embarrassing to be called gay? What does the term really mean? What does your name have to do with your sexual orientation?

    If it is seriously an issue for you then that is not the right name. I wouldn't not choose it because of teasing though. I rather like the name and we would consider it if we had a longer last name. 

  • Ashli109 said:
    So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.
    Guys, let's chill out for a sec and realize the OP has a point here. In our house we use the word "gay" purely descriptively.  Our kids know that we have friends and relatives who are gay and that's who we call gay.  But I wouldn't let them go around calling people or things gay when it's intended as an insult.  I think we all recognize the difference and know that one intent is appropriate and the other is not.  We live in a time and place (some places more than others) where the latter intent still exists.
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  • FWIW I think most reasons kids get teased are impossible to anticipate and there isn't more to worry about with Grey than with any other name.
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  • I call this "othering". Some descriptives may not be inherently negative, but can still be used to other which causes ouchies.
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  • capulet said:

    Ashli109 said:
    So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.
    Guys, let's chill out for a sec and realize the OP has a point here. In our house we use the word "gay" purely descriptively.  Our kids know that we have friends and relatives who are gay and that's who we call gay.  But I wouldn't let them go around calling people or things gay when it's intended as an insult.  I think we all recognize the difference and know that one intent is appropriate and the other is not.  We live in a time and place (some places more than others) where the latter intent still exists.

    Good point.

     

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  • Thank you Capulet & Bleubird. That is exactly the point I was trying to get across.

  • ....
    capulet said:



    Ashli109 said:

    So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.

    Guys, let's chill out for a sec and realize the OP has a point here. In our house we use the word "gay" purely descriptively.  Our kids know that we have friends and relatives who are gay and that's who we call gay.  But I wouldn't let them go around calling people or things gay when it's intended as an insult.  I think we all recognize the difference and know that one intent is appropriate and the other is not.  We live in a time and place (some places more than others) where the latter intent still exists.


    OP was trying to twist what someone else was saying with that comment. She didn't want to understand where anyone was coming from so her defense was saying the above quote. No one was saying its acceptable.
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  • Ashli109 said:
    So, you're OK with your children walking around saying "That's gay" or saying to a classmate "You're gay"? Since it's not an insult, this should be acceptable behavior.

    That's fine for you - but not acceptable in my house.
    I'm very much NOT ok with my children saying "that's gay" just as I wouldn't be ok with them saying "that's black" "that's Chinese" or "that's Catholic" to mean something bad/uncool
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  • I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.
    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.
    This. I think the better thing to focus on is how will your husband accept his children if they are gay. I'm suspicious of his fretting.
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  • queenbone said:
    I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.
    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.
    This. I think the better thing to focus on is how will your husband accept his children if they are gay. I'm suspicious of his fretting.
    All I can do is laugh at this. I'm not sure if you've read the entire thread or not. But, please, do me a favor and don't worry about my husband and what his morals and values are.

  • Ashli109 said:
    queenbone said:
    I completely agree that kids will always find a way to tease another child and of course you teach your children how to overcome such a situation... I just don't want to make it easy for them, and don't want to set him up for years of "abuse" that could be avoided. I, personally, didn't see it being an issue, but it is something that DH is concerned about.
    I'm sorry but the fact that you or your husband think your setting your son up for gay bashing shows more ignorance on you or your husbands part. Your really over thinking this.
    This. I think the better thing to focus on is how will your husband accept his children if they are gay. I'm suspicious of his fretting.
    All I can do is laugh at this. I'm not sure if you've read the entire thread or not. But, please, do me a favor and don't worry about my husband and what his morals and values are.
    My husband would never in a million years worry that any name we picked for a son would lead to teasing about being gay. Because my husband doesn't think there is anything wrong with being gay.

    I think your H's concerns are misplaced.
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  • Oh good Lord... OP, I totally get what you are asking and took no offense. I have brother who is gay, have no issues with it and love him unconditionally. This is silly, implying that OP has an issue toward homosexuality? She is asking about her kid being teased, that's it. Some of these responses are reading waaaaay too much in to the issue here. I think we all need a little more to worry about. Nobody's going around burning rainbow flags here, people.
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    Ashli109
  • Kids can easily make fun of my son's name being that "feel" and "licks" is in it, but who cares. Really, most names rhyme with curse words, dirty words, etc...they'll find it if they want to. I wouldn't let that stop you from using a name you like.
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  • schnookeeschnookee
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    edited January 2014
    Joy2611 said:
    Ashli109 said:
    I do not find there anything to be wrong with being gay, actually. However, I do find something wrong with teasing a child and calling him/her gay.
    But, if there's nothing wrong with being gay, how can it be an insult? 
    Maybe I'm just tired, but those two sentences seem very contradictory to me.  I'm not at all trying to pick a fight - I'm trying to point out how the argument seems slightly illogical.

    But, it all goes back to the same thing: someone says "Grey is gay!" and his response - that you've taught him - is to smile and move on.  If the person saying it doesn't get a rise out out of the other, the game quickly becomes not fun.

    EDIT: And you came in here worried that someone calling your child gay would be a problem.  That's going to strike a few nerves with a lot of people.  I'm actually surprised this thread isn't more out of control.

    I tried to bold the one sentence but I don't think it worked. I agree with you for the most part @Joy2611. I also think the OP is over thinking this and if a kid is going to get made fun of they will get made fun of no matter what their name is. However, I do believe you can feel there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay but the word can still be used as an insult if it is directed by someone else in a insulting way. Your opinion on it does not change how someone else directs it towards you. For example someone who is completely comfortable with their curvy body can be called fat and even though the teased loves her body and sees nothing wrong with it, fat/big/large and several other words including curvy can be used as an insult. EDIT: I also want to add - take the recent comments about Gabourey Sidibe's weight. She handled it wonderfully but the comments were still insulting and her grace in handling the situation is not going to stop the comments from being made.
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