WWYD - funeral, Honduras, 19 weeks

wtfisup · January 2014

We received a phone call last night that my husband's grandmother is, it seems, dying. She's in Honduras. So now we have to decide if he goes, if I go, etc.

The negatives to consider:

neither of us are vaccinated
it's really easy to get a stomach issue down there from the food and water
the flights suck. Every flight that was affordable (which was still pretty expensive) has at least an 8 hour layover, making the trip to and fro a long haul.
while this isn't a big concern for me personally, depending on who you ask, it could be considered a dangerous trip. (Honduras has the highest murder rate in the world, lots of corruption, etc.)

But:

this woman and her husband mean a great deal to us both. She's a beautiful, amazing woman and has always adored us.
I hate the idea of him going alone without me. I've been struggling with my anxiety through this whole pregnancy sans medication, and my husband is my actor. He is what holds me together. I feel so selfish for even thinking this way, but I know that if he leaves for an international trip to a developing nation, I'm going to be a complete wreck. (Long story, but I have a history of PTSD from abuse and my brother's death, and losing loved ones is a huge thing for me, especially my husband. Sans medicine, I've been struggling with panic attacks through pregnancy on normal days.)
part of the reason he might go is to support his mother. His other brother and her husband don't have passports and can't go with her. She would be making the trip for the passing and funeral alone.

I'm really struggling with all this. Add to it that I'm currently battling some kind of sinus infection or cold that's zapped all of my energy and that I'm pregnancy hormonal and then this news, so I'm tired and sobbing a lot. And trying to hide it at work. And trying not to be selfish. And trying not to freak out. And wanting very badly to go down there.

BLARGH.

Ladybird2014 · January 2014

I would go but...but it sounds scary. I understand supporting your hubby and you wouldn't want him to go alone. Go and take your bottled water.

abastian00 · January 2014

Where in Honduras will you be? Agreed you don't want to put you/the baby at any health risks, but assuming you're not seriously out in the sticks you should have a modicum of control over finding bottled water and access to clean food. I've spent a bit of time in Latin/Central America (though not Honduras), and it can definitely be possible to get out unscathed. Same goes for the crime - unless you're in the sticks and/or traveling unsafely, I wouldn't be worried. (However, I am the anti-worrier when it comes to travel... so take that all with a grain of salt!)

This is a tough one though. If it were me, I would probably go. Go see your dr, ask what vaccinations you could/should take in advance, and enjoy saying goodbye to this incredible important woman!!

ElTrain5 · January 2014

What aren't you vaxed for? Hep A? I would ask doctor about pregnancy save anti-diarrhea medicine, and try and be as safe as possible (sealed bottles water only, etc). Personally, I would go. But you also shouldn't feel bad if you don't want to take the risk.

robbinrl · January 2014

That's a tough decision - im not sure what i would do.

If you decide not to go, is there a friend or family member you could stay with while your H is gone to help take his place in terms of support and calm your anxiety?

wtfisup · January 2014

It's my understanding that the vaccines would need to be taken earlier. My doctor won't do some of them until after baby. For instance, i don't have chicken pox or measles immunity, so I was already told to avoid being around my international students' kids. Not sure if they'd give me the hep, tetanus, malaria during pregnancy, but doubting it, especially since I'm sick right now.

The area is outside of La Lima. So not in a major city ; not the absolute sticks.

Another minor issue is that if I needed any care down there, it would be very expensive. The hospitals don't do insurance and demand payment up front. (This is something we've dealt with, as they've been like "give us $2,000 today or we're kicking her out" with his grandmother.)

If he goes without me, I do think I'll stay with friends. I would be nuts at home alone.

wtfisup · January 2014

To explain, we always knew this would happen and the plan was always to go down together, no questions asked. But we always expected a slower decline (and time to get prepped), and never did we consider that it would happen while I was pregnant. We were hoping to take the LO down there in 2015.

MrsCase1 · January 2014

I wouldn't go. I have always wanted to go to South America and I am not usually one to shy away from politically volatile places (I'm still going to Egypt, for example.) Bit while pregnant those things are off the table for me, combined with the medical issues you described. And don't feel guilty at all. Your primary job is to protect your unborn child and it seems as if you know best how to do that. Sorry for the predicament; that really stinks.

zolastele · January 2014

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Thoughts and prayers to you and your DH.

I would not. It would be the toughest decision ever, but I don't think id do it. I've traveled all over Central America, and absolutely love it, but it is really tough down there and even as a perfectly healthy and fit early 20 something I got sick every time. I would be worried about the baby too much.

Would grandma understand if you didn't go? Good luck with your decision!

ElTrain5 · January 2014

If you do stay, I recommend downloading "viber" its a free app that allows texting/picture messages as well as calls. He would need wifi though. My dad just went on a trip to Belize and we were able to stay in touch that way.

amackattack · January 2014

I would go. This is the kind of thing you could really regret not doing. Follow all the normal rules for traveling when it comes to drinking the water and fresh fruits, and look into what vaccines you can get while pregnant. If you don't feel comfortable going, I definitely think H should go and do everything he can to be there for his grandma and his mom.

lellymine · January 2014

Oh that's rough. I probably would have him go alone. I'd be worried the entire time and then my DH would be worried about me and would be unable to fully be there for his relatives.

babygabe614 · January 2014

I'm so sorry you have to make such a difficult decision. I personally would not go. I know it's not the same scenario at all, but the worry about contracting diseases, not having easy access to good medical care in the case of an emergency, etc. are the exact reasons why my DH and I decided against taking a vacation out of the country this year (pre-baby). It is just not worth the risk to me. That said, I understand the emotional toll this must take on you if he were to go alone, but I think in the long run it might be better to be stressed for a few days than sick for several days/weeks and potentially putting baby in danger. Neither option is really all that great, and I'm sorry you have to choose. ((Hugs))

Abenedict2011 · January 2014

I would go. I lived in Costa Rica and wa told that they haven't seen a malaria care in over 30 years despite the USA urge to medicate. Just stick with bottles water and well cooked foot and you should be fine. Good luck on your decision.

temursgirl · January 2014

I just came back from three and a half weeks in India and here is my experience/advice FWIW: Definitely get cleared by your doctor. He/she can advise on your specific health situation and also tell you what you need to do or avoid if you go. I couldn't get vaccinations because of being pregnant. My doctor gave me specific advice regarding this as well as pregnancy-safe antibiotics to take with me. I did get sick and I did use them. The travel time to India is about 30 hours for us (24 in flight). I was twelve weeks when we left and even now still get nausea. The flights were really really hard. I vomited a lot, takeoff and landing were torture, and it was just plain uncomfortable. My kind DH upgraded us on the return trip, which helped because I could fully recline. The conditions of where you stay matter a lot. DH's hometown was fine and although I still felt unwell it wasn't that much worse than being unwell at home. Since DH came to the US, my ILs have moved to a smaller, more remote town. It was torturous discomfort... Washing out of a bucket with cold water = not fun while pregnant, their sense of hygiene is non-existant, and there was a shortage of water. I had no control over my food and got really sick, as did DH. I feel like if you stay with family, especially in smaller towns, you can have way more of these issues. Anyway, hope this helps you make your decision. GL! ETA apologies for the lack of formatting... Don't know why it never works on mobile?

wtfisup · January 2014

I think I'll be staying, regardless. H isn't comfortable with me going at all, not are his parents. They all say they've never been without getting very ill at least once, and that's a good enough reason. Waiting to see if H goes.

bebemac · January 2014

What a difficult situation to be in, I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. I think you are wise to stay back with friends if he does go. Hopefully you can find a solution that works for you folks, but I am sure all in Honduras would understand your absence.

temursgirl · January 2014

wtfisup said:

I think I'll be staying, regardless. H isn't comfortable with me going at all, not are his parents. They all say they've never been without getting very ill at least once, and that's a good enough reason. Waiting to see if H goes.

That's been my experience in India too... Never been without getting sick at least once, and to varying degrees. Even DH gets sick. If your H goes, maybe he can plan a short visit, you can setup skype times, etc. so it doesn't feel like he's out of reach.

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WWYD - funeral, Honduras, 19 weeks

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