Pet Loss/Grief While Pregnant

jendem8 · January 2014

I'm just seeking some words of wisdom if anyone can relate. Today, rather unexpectedly, my DH and I had to put our cat to sleep. She was only 5 years old, and we noticed within the past month or so that she was losing weight. We took her to the doctor about 2 weeks ago and thought she was doing better... until yesterday when she took a sudden turn. This morning she was not herself at all and wouldn't even eat wet food - so obviously we knew something was severely wrong. We both ended up staying home from work and took her to the vet as soon as they opened. They admitted her, and had to incubate her because her heartbeat and temperature were so low. The doctor believed that she had intestinal cancer, and within just a few hours we knew there was nothing we could do.

Needless to say, I am devastated. Just after seeing her behavior this morning, I feared the worst. I have been crying and hyperventilating and just utterly heartbroken all day.

Here's where the baby part comes in. Of course my mother (who definitely empathizes with my pain, so that's not in question), keeps telling me that I need to calm down and think about myself and the baby. At this point, being such a sudden event, I'm finding it nearly impossible. Have any of you been through something like this while pregnant? What can I do to reduce some of this stress/sadness (which thinking about is causing me to stress more by the way)? I appreciate your thoughts.

guppybaby · January 2014

Be sad, cry and get it out. Holding it in will only make it worse and delay the sadness. I am so sorry your lost your kitty. Your Mom means well, I am sure.

LouLou918 · January 2014

I've never been through anything like that during pregnancy. Regardless, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There's nothing quite so sad as losing a beloved pet. Take time to grieve, and remember that even though you're growing a tiny human, YOU are still human, too, and you may need some "me" time. Sending tons of hugs your way.

rstarrlemaitre · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss

Animals are family members too, and of course it makes sense that you will grieve. Crying won't hurt the baby - take the time you need to feel your emotions, remember your kitty, and mourn her death.

BeachM · January 2014

Yes

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our chocolate lab passed away the day after I got my BFP in 2010. It was beyond awful. She had diabetes that we were having trouble controlling and our regular vent sent her to an emergency vet one afternoon. I can't really remember how it all spiraled out of control so quickly, but we got the call about 7pm to come back to the emergency vet immediately and she was gone before we got there.

Miller had originally been DH's dog but was my constant companion through 2 deployments. I was devastated and sobbed for 2 days straight. It was rough, but we got through it. It's been over 3 years and I'm still sad about it and miss her every day.

I would imagine that not letting yourself grieve would be more harmful than trying to bottle it all up for the baby's sake. Bad things happen and we need to deal with them. DS does not seem to have suffered any effects that I can tell.

MandMLeona · January 2014

I lost my first pet at the beginning of my last pregnancy...a pony I'd had 27 years. Grief didn't damage my baby. A little wailing and nashing of teeth is natural and healthy. If you find you can't pull out of it in a reasonable timeframe...then talk to a professional.

jendem8 · January 2014

Thanks for the kind and helpful words. I appreciate the perspective and am glad to hear that you feel (as I do) that it's better to grieve and get through it all that way. I'm sorry to those of you who have had similar situations... it really blows.

IvyMagic828 · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your sudden loss of your cat. It is so hard to lose a pet, especially so unexpectedly. I agree with the other posters advice about taking time to grieve. Hugs to you during this difficult time!

midwestFNP · January 2014

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I am a huge animal lover and can't imagine what you're going through. Big big hugs to you. I agree with others that it's best to acknowledge the loss and work through the grief in whatever way makes you feel better. I will hug my fur babies extra tight tonight.

HeatherHam10 · January 2014

I haven't been through this but just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Losing an animals is losing a big part of your family. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. I know it's not good to get overly upset when pregnant but allow yourself time to grieve...you just experienced a loss. sending lots of hugs.

jdox · January 2014

I agree with everyone else, allow yourself to grieve, holding it in will make you feel worse. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is to lose a furry family member.

ungraceful13 · January 2014

I am sorry. That is very difficult. Take the time you need to grieve. You are not going to hurt the baby. When I was pregnant with DD DH's grandma passed away suddenly and I was devastated but I allowed myself to feel the pain and to grieve. DD is fine.

salsy2012 · January 2014

When I was pregnant this last summer before my mc, we noticed that my cat (8 years old) wasn't eating/drinking or using the litter box. We thought maybe it was the stress of moving into a new house so we gave her a couple of days to adjust. She drank some water but was still not eating or going potty. At that point my husband insisted on taking her to the vet.
She was in the middle of full blown kidney failure and the vet suggested putting her down so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. It broke my heart. A couple months afterwards, we adopted 2 kittens. They won't replace her, but their cuddles sure do make me feel better. (:

I hope that you'll find some peace.

spacedolphin11 · January 2014

I am so sorry. Losing pets is so, so tough.

My advice is to not try to keep yourself in control and to just let yourself feel the hurt. It sucks, but it feels so much better than bottling it up. I had a few grief experiences with my last pregnancy. The first was relatively minor - my sister and I were trying to nurse a pair of orphaned baby squirrels back to health, and we've done it before, but this time they died without warning and that was hard. Then both my grandfather and my husband's favorite aunt declined in health majorly during my pregnancy. My grandfather ended up dying the day before my baby shower, and my husband's aunt passed away a week after my son was born. There was no way I could bottle up that grief for the sake of the baby!

Nuclearcupcake · January 2014

I had to put down my cat and my mom had to put down the dog I grew up with when I was pregnant with my second (different months thank goodness) but it was rough. I cried it out. Hormones don't help either. Just try to relax and drink water to rehydrate. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Daisylola11 · January 2014

I just wanted to say i am so very sorry for your loss! I am a lover of animals and especially cats, grieve and think about all the happy times as sad as it may be. Take care of yourself **hugs**

GinnyJ2012 · January 2014

I'm very sorry for the loss of your fur baby. When I was pregnant with DS my grandmother passed away rather suddenly when I was about 20 weeks. I cried and talked about it as I needed. I knew holding it in and possibly exploding with grief would not help me or the baby. I remember hugging my bump a lot and talking to it about my feelings. I found talking through my tears to my son about my grandmother really helped.

Allow your self to be sad, because it is a sad thing to lose part of your family. Try to not become hysterical with crying though because that can raise your heart rate and blood pressure. Make sure to eat and keep hydrated.

heart_of_virginia · January 2014

Im so so sorry for your loss!

My lab got hit and killed by a car when I was 7 months pregnant with DD. We only had him 9 months, but in those months, we moved to a new state and H was gone for training, then a deployment, so that pup was my best friend and the reason I made it through all those nights alone.

I was completely heartbroken and alone. H was still deployed and my family lived two states away. I was hysterical. I get anxiety/panic attacks quite frequently, so I honestly felt like I was going to suffocate. And I was like this for that whole day up until I fell asleep. H and my mom both tried to keep in contact with me as much as possible, and kept reminding me that I needed to not only think about myself, but also our sweet baby. But it was so hard. I couldn't think about anything except my puppy.

Anyway, I wore myself out that day, fell asleep, and in the morning I could control myself. I missed him so much, but I had finally got to the point where i could think clearly.The best thing for me (though probably not healthy), was to wear myself out from crying. I had mild breakdowns after that, but it got better.
I still miss my pup everyday, he was the best dog Ive ever had, always by my side.

I hope this will get easier for you, not that you will miss your fur baby less, but that you will be able to grieve in a healthy way for you and your LO.

Scaura · January 2014

Just grieve. It is so sad to have such a sudden event like this and not being upset is just crazy talk. Be upset, cry, whatever you need. It is SOO much better for you and the baby to express the perfectly normal emotions you have now rather than suppressing them. I am very sorry you are having to experience this at any time, but especially now when you should have so much joy. I hope the good and fun memories of you kitty soon fill the hole in your heart.

tamarar5 · January 2014

I'm sorry for your loss!

The best thing you can do is let yourself grieve. You will stress yourself out more trying to hold it in.

I'm so sorry.

njancich · January 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. We had to put our 13 year old black lab down the day after I got my BFP. The joy I felt knowing I was pregnant was taken over by the grief of losing my childhood dog. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Take the time and grieve. Like others have said, keeping it in and delaying the grieving process will just make it harder. Hang in there

meggyski · January 2014

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. We nearly lost our Lexi girl this year due to acute liver failure (the tan dog in the right in my avatar pic) and it wrecked me. I wasn't even pregnant. I can't imagine dealing with a loss of a beloved fur baby on top of all the other crazy emotions that are part of being pregnant. I'll echo what others have said- be kind to yourself and process the grief however you need to. Sending love.

Young and In Love · June 2014

I am so sorry for your loss Jendem8. My heart aches and breaks for you, sincerely. Right now, I have a painfully good idea about how you're feeling.On June 7th, my boyfriend and I left to visit his dad in Nicaragua. Every day since I arrived I tried calling my mom to check in on our 2 dogs, Cooper and Monkey but the power can go out and wifi can be spotty. I just wanted to see how they were doing, Cooper's older and he's used to us going out of town but lil Monkey Man's just 3 and hasn't experienced us leaving enough to be OK with it just yet, so I wanted to be sure they were OK with their grandma and grandpa.Finally, on Wednesday June 11th, I was able to contact my mom. I never imagined that when I asked her how the boys were, she would've told me that Monkey dug his way out of the fence when they went to the store and that somehow he found his way to the freeway and got hit and killed. "He's no longer with us" she said sobbing, she had been hysterical since Saturday. Not only for my poor baby but because she knows how much he means to me. My poor mama had to deal with how to tell me from Sunday when she found out, until that Wednesday when she could finally get a hold of me. My brother and dad knew too, and they all were so heart broken because they all loved Monkey so much but they knew how much I loved Monkey. I had to wait another 4 days until I could come home. It was so hard being so far away from my family but my boyfriend did his best for me. Monkey was my world, my light, my soul. I still can't believe he's gone. He was the sweetest, most loving chihuahua I've ever met or heard of. Every day he brought smiles, laughter and pure happiness to our lives. I'm 5 months pregnant and my boyfriend keeps telling me I need to be strong for the baby. That the baby is the most important thing right now. I know this, but it doesn't make my pain go away. I feel like I'm doing the best job I can. Sometimes I'm OK and I stay distracted. But so many minutes of my days are filled with thinking of him. Especially being at home without my boyfriend, although Cooper's there and our 2 kitties, the energy of our home is just...different.The things that keep me going are knowing that my sweet MonkeyJoe isn't in pain and he didn't suffer when he died. A woman who heard it happen called my mom (she got her number from flyers my mom put up) and told her that she tried to get Monkey to come to her, but she couldn't and then he ran on the freeway and she heard it. She said it happened so fast that there's no way Monkey suffered. This makes all the difference in the world to me. Imaginging my tiny sweet lil man suffering would be too much.I also try to keep remembering that he's OK now. He doesn't miss us, he doesn't feel sad or know he's never going to see us again. It makes me feel so much better that he's in no pain or sadness at all. I can't believe I only got 3 years with him. But I am so thankful I had any time at all. He was so special.Perhaps the even harder part is all the future memories we imagined with our Monkey and our baby. Monkey loves kids and we knew him and our LO would be best friends. I honestly thought we'd have Monkey for another 15 or 20 years and that our LO would grow up with him. That really has been the hardest part for me. I'm sorry for the long post, its one of the first times I've been able to put it all out there and this seemed like a safe and understanding place to do so.I'm so sorry to all of your for your loss, whether recent or not, my heart goes out to you.Rest in peace to all of our loved ones.

rainbowwillow · June 2014

So sorry to hear about your kitty. When I was 4 months pregnant my dog went in congestive heart failure. He stayed overnight at the emergency clinic in an oxygen chamber.
Needless to say I was a wreck for days with worry. He is on a ton of meds, and even though his disease will progress, he is comfortable now and I am making the most of our time together.
No matter what, our furkids know we love them and they love us back. Kitty is playing over the rainbow where there is no pain or disease and watching over you with love.

forevermyfenix · June 2014

During the first tri the now EX housemate let my Hahns macaw Ody out of the front door. Right when the polar vortex hit and we never heard from him again despite days walking up and down the streets of the neighborhood screaming his name, handing out flyers, and anything else we could think to do. I know a lot of people dont understand the attachment people can get to birds, but Ody was my baby and we had a special bond. Waking up knowing I wouldn't hear him telling me to "wake up!" was so hard. I kept dreaming about him (and still do today sometimes), and I couldn't walk outside without listening for his voice for months on end. In the end though I knew there was no way my pampered macaw was going to survive out in freezing weather.

In cried and hyperventilated for pretty much the whole first and 1st half of 2nd tri. It was tough. The hurt still isn't gone completely but it's manageable and I can now think "Ody would have done..." without bursting into tears. I still get lumps in my throat but I'm not hysterical like I was. It does get easier, and I'm sorry for your loss.

candyland33 · June 2014

I'm just seeking some words of wisdom if anyone can relate. Today, rather unexpectedly, my DH and I had to put our cat to sleep. She was only 5 years old, and we noticed within the past month or so that she was losing weight. We took her to the doctor about 2 weeks ago and thought she was doing better... until yesterday when she took a sudden turn. This morning she was not herself at all and wouldn't even eat wet food - so obviously we knew something was severely wrong. We both ended up staying home from work and took her to the vet as soon as they opened. They admitted her, and had to incubate her because her heartbeat and temperature were so low. The doctor believed that she had intestinal cancer, and within just a few hours we knew there was nothing we could do.

Needless to say, I am devastated. Just after seeing her behavior this morning, I feared the worst. I have been crying and hyperventilating and just utterly heartbroken all day.

Here's where the baby part comes in. Of course my mother (who definitely empathizes with my pain, so that's not in question), keeps telling me that I need to calm down and think about myself and the baby. At this point, being such a sudden event, I'm finding it nearly impossible. Have any of you been through something like this while pregnant? What can I do to reduce some of this stress/sadness (which thinking about is causing me to stress more by the way)? I appreciate your thoughts.

I am so sorry you are going through this

I am right there with you! My sweet Maltese passed away on my husbands lap Tuesday evening from heart and lung issues. We were devastated and still are. I have been crying all the time and I feel like I am depressed. Yesterday was hard for me because I work from home and she was no longer there with me. I had to work at the office todayshe was only 7 years old It's been 2 days and I'm starting to feel a little better but im still upset, I have hard time wrapping my mind around her not being here with us anymore.

Please know you are not alone and I am so sorry you have to deal with this during a special time in your life.

I have just been crying it out and grieving for her loss. I had doctors appointment the next morning and I let them know and she told me not to worry baby would be fine.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

klauke_t13 · June 2014

So sorry for your loss. We just had to put our 13 yr old cat to sleep last week. I have been having a hard time with it, but I know at least she isn't suffering anymore. She ended up having a tumor on her kidneys that caused them to shut down very suddenly.
Take the time you need to grieve for your kitty. She was just as much a part of your family as the baby that is on the way.
Thinking of you!

Hilee18 · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I haven't had any pet losses during pregnancy, but we placed my grandfather on hospice. It was hard and some days realizing what my grandpa and son won't get to share is overwhelmingly sad. I found a really reassuring study that said the stress that affects pregnancy that people talk about is usually in the first trimester. During the 3rd trimester we as moms and the babies are able to handle more. Don't feel like you can't grieve your beloved kitty.

kiley820 · June 2014

I'm really sorry

I would be devastated as well. Pets are so much a part of our family, of course you are going to be upset.

I lost my grandfather in December at only about 6 weeks pregnant and it was one of the most difficult and emotional times I have ever been through. We also had to put our 12 yr old Rottweiler to sleep due to cancer in March. So, I can relate and empathize with you. Like others said, feel how you need to feel and do what you need to do. I would think it would be worse if you didn't grieve and try to put those emotions aside. Thinking of you, hang in there!

jamielcall · June 2014

Sorry for your loss... My advice keep yourself as busy as possible to keep yourself distracted. It comes in waves. I lost my mom 3 months into my pregnancy it's hard.

Arwen0503 · June 2014

first i am very sorry for your loss. I went through a furbaby loss with my first pregnancy. My parents had to put down their boxer-pitt who they had since i was 12 years old, I was so heart broken but my advice is to cry it out. The crying will help you grieve and you will eventually feel better.

alisonc87 · June 2014

Lurking from S14, but I have a little expertise here. I lost my mom unexpectedly a month and a half ago, and I know that losing a pet can feel like losing a family member. Be sad, grieve, cry, whatever you feel that's not so much the issue. Stress isn't great for the baby, but trying to not feel upset is just going to stress you out more. On the flip side of that, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! While we were waiting at the hospital to find out what was going on and why she wasn't getting better (long story short, it was a weird infection thing) I ended up also admitted to the hospital because I wasn't taking good care of myself. I dehydrated and was having no appetite, and therefore not really eating, and started cramping. 5 hours, lots of fluids, and a bunch of food later I was released and given strict instructions to take care of me and the baby.

yahoomlw · July 2014

My dog was my best friend of 7 years and at 8 months pregnant I watched her get suddenly sick and pass away horribly. I found it helpful to put up nice pictures of her everywhere and carry them around too so that when the bad memories came to mind I had something right there to bring me back to the good memories. So sorry for your loss. Pets can be closer than family because they are your little constant innocent companion with so much love.

absterboss · July 2014

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost pets in the past so I know the pain.

As far as being pregnant, I haven't experienced a pet loss during that time, but I did go through a traumatic/ stressful time with my husband. Like others have said, cry. Don't bottle it in it will be worse for you and the baby. Take a bath, read a book, go to the beach, do things that you enjoy and help clear your mind.

It won't help the pain go away, but it will allow you to process it a little easier. Thinking of you!

shutaff · July 2014

I have not been through this while pregnant, but I did go through almost the exact same situation with my dog a few years ago. He had surgery for what the doctor said was kidney stones and just kept losing weight afterwards. One night his kidneys ruptured from what we were later told was a cancerous tumor. We took him to the emergency vet and his abdomen was full of urine. She told us we should put him down because he was in a lot of pain and wouldn't make it even another hour. It was seriously the hardest night of my life. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is really tough.

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