Long distance family and delivery

shutaff · January 2014

My husband and I live about 18 hours from our families. While I know that I only want him in the delivery room with me, I'm not sure how soon I will want to see our families. My mom was in the room for both of one of my sister's deliveries, and she and my dad drove the four hours to wait outside while my other sister had a c-section and help her and her husband with their twins. She was very involved in helping both of my sisters care for the babies the first week or so. This will be my in-law's first grandchild. I know my husband has about 2 weeks paternity leave, and he will probably take another 2 weeks vacation.

I know that both sets of our parents will start asking soon about when we want them to come. I know my mom probably envisions hopping on a plane the second I go into labor. I'm not sure what my in-laws have in mind, but my mother in law and I have had a rocky relationship due to some of her words and actions. We are recovering from that now, but she and my parents are on odd terms (just cordial) for the same reason. I don't know when I will want them to come, if it would be super overwhelming for them all to be here (probably staying with us - We have a couple extra bedrooms.), and how I would handle the tension between all of us after just giving birth. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (mostly my parents who I love to death and have a great relationship with), but part of me just wants to get used to the baby with my husband without all of that pressure.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? How soon did your family visit? Do you wish you had done it differently?

90joelashleyhall92 · January 2014

Jumping in on this one b/c I want to know the same. I am not on the best of terms w/ my inlaws either. They didn't not want their son to marry me. 2ys later and I'm still dealing w/ those hurts.

Anyway, I think I only want my husband in the room w/ me. The inlaws can stay away for a couple days! My mom on the other hand can come in after. We will be living in a 1 room apt when our baby is born so there will be no room for people to stay with us... Thank God!

Vanellope · January 2014

I lived 20 hrs away from my family when DD1 was born. We chose not to have anyone there because H was deploying shortly after. While it was nice having bonding time with the three of us I was really sad I didn't have family to visit us in the hospital or to love on her in those first few weeks. WithDD2 my parents and brothers came, my mom was going to be in the room with us but ended up sick with anxiety so it was just me and H. The difference this time was great though I had family to take care of DD1, to visit us in the hospital and my mom was super helpful. She kept up on our laundry and dishes and made sure I was eating. It was actually very relaxing and I didn't feel like I had to entertain them at all. This time I think it might just be my mom coming in not sure, but either way I welcome it. She will watch DD's and I will be at peace because I know they're in great hands and then she'll get to see this LO and I'll feel like I can relax.

Hward1015 · January 2014

Oh yes I know the feeling all too well. When DD was born, we lived by by SO's family. His parents were at the hospital during labor, my Mom lived 7 hours away so when I knew it was time they hopped in the car (didn't quite make it though). My Mom ended up staying with us for a week or two after, I can't remember how long exactly. SO's family was in and out of the house from the day we came home until we ended up moving. I hated it. I wanted peace and bonding time, they wanted to bring the whole crowd including kids over every day. I have a feeling that SO's parents as well as mine will want to come down the week after this baby comes. I am telling everyone in advance that hotel rooms will have to be bought and when I say enough - people go. I know it sounds bitchy, but I want it to be just us during the first few weeks.

Texasgurly0313 · January 2014

My parents don't live anywhere near us (at least a 10 hour plane ride to get here) . They are coming about a week after the baby is due just give them some time to save up money (they just came over for Christmas) because flying here is hella expensive.

CplusJ=S · January 2014

We live 2K miles away from our families which I personally felt made things easier for us. I knew I wouldn't want my mom or MIL in the delivery room since I had my DH and a doula. My mom wanted to come out ASAP, but I told her she had to give us some time. My husband got two weeks of paternity leave which gave us time to bond with our new baby and she arrived the day before he went back to work and stayed for a few weeks. MIL didn't make it out until DD was 9 months old which was fine by me.

lesleyn21 · January 2014

We are military and with Ds we lived 32 hrs from dh family and 16 from mine. My mom flew in the week after I had Ds. My mother in law and dh grandparents drove in a month later. My dad didn't come up with his wife until Ds was 6 months old. This time around went stationed near all my in laws. None of them will be at the hospital. My mom will come in about a week later like with Ds. That worked out great because she cooked and cleaned while dh and I focused on being new parents.

ve304856 · January 2014

My parents live 3 hours away. It turned out that the weekend I had DS was the weekend they had to come out here for my brother's band completion (I am 11 years older than my brother). My parents came to the hospital the day after I had DS. And they only stayed for a few days. My IL's came to visit the day we came home from the hospital and only stayed 2 hours. I do not get along with my IL's very well as they didn't want DH to marry me. My mom always said that I wouldn't need that much help with the first, but I would need more help with the second so I am not sure how long they plan on staying this time.

shutaff · January 2014

Thanks everyone! I guess ultimately we will have to decide, but it was helpful to hear your stories!

MarisaKathleen · January 2014

We didn't tell anyone until after DD was here. Honestly, I would have rather had 100 people visit us in the hospital vs. coming to our house afterwards. In the hospital there's always a nurse there to tell you to feed the baby or take a nap or something which sort of gives people the "oh yea, I should get out of here" nudge they need. When they come over, they want to sit there for hours.

The majority of our families are local and my FIL, SIL and her DH and 2 kids sat at my house for almost 5 hours the 2nd week we were home. I can't even imagine wanting/needing someone to come and help me take care of my kid the first couple weeks. I was such a leaky mess I can't even imagine having house guests.

LTMama · January 2014

Both sets of our parents live overseas, so we were able to schedule their visits last time around. My parents were here when I went into labor (they have a house in town, though, so they don't stay with us when they're here), and DH's parents were scheduled to come 10 days after my due date (I didn't want them here for the delivery). I ended up going 8 weeks early, so DD was 2 months old by the time the in laws came, which was good. We had had time to bond with her and get into a routine before the ILs came to stay with us.

If you can, I think it's nice to stagger the visitors. DH had no problem telling his parents to wait to visit until after my due date so my mom could help us out in the early period. That was a wonderful stress-reliever for me, bcs having ILs stay with us is stressful (they stayed for 5 weeks). When my bro and SIL had both of their kids, they also staggered family visitors, and no one seemed to get offended about that. It gives visiting parents/siblings their own time with the new baby, too.

But I would make sure anyone coming to stay with you early on isn't going to be a pain or expect to be treated as a guest. I say if you're coming to stay with someone who has a new baby, expect to help out, or postpone your visit.

chusum · January 2014

Maybe stagger the visits and tell them you want the extra help so you would prefer everyone not be there at the same time. I would say let your mom come the first week to help and tell you MIL she can come for a few days the 2nd or 3rd week so that you still have "help" after your mom leaves.

shutaff · January 2014

Thanks everyone. I think staggering visitors is a great idea. @chusum I love the suggestion of saying it is so "I can have help" even if it is more so I can have sanity

Want a personalized experience?

Long distance family and delivery

Re: Long distance family and delivery

Choose Another Board

Search Boards