Baby Showers

Apparently the etiquette of RSVP has been lost...

So, my shower was this weekend, and my mother and sister hosted a beautiful shower!! There were about 20 people invited, so they planned accordingly for food and desserts. Everyone was told to RSVP, and I was told my my sister that ONLY 3 people RSVP'd... and only about 10 of the 20 showed up.

Now, I don't care if you don't come to the shower, but if your not coming, please make it be known. There was so much extra food and stuff that I'm sure a lot of money was spent on, I felt really, really bad. She bought this beautiful big cake, and only about 1/3 of it was eaten. I took so much home just so it wouldn't go to waste.

I got about 7 FB messages after the shower saying "so sorry I couldn't make it, I want to make it up to you"... It just made me so angry. I don't care if you can't come, just please RSVP!!

Am I alone, or do people not RSVP anymore??
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Re: Apparently the etiquette of RSVP has been lost...

  • Yeah, my hostess didn't get very many RSVPs back, either.  We had a fairly good turn out, but there was still a ton of food leftover, which we split between the hostess and myself.
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  • I know exactly what you're going through. This happened at my shower that my cousins threw for me. Everyone was on board with going, and I believe around 30 people were invited, 20 people RSVP'd and like you about 10 showed up.  The whole thing made me so angry because I know my cousins spent a lot of money on the food that was provided.
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  • I hate when people don't RSVP. I mean really, how hard is it to pick up a phone and say yes or no? And now a days, people that somehow forgot how to use the telephone could even RSVP with Facebook private messaging. Geeze... I plan on calling all non responders. We're hosting my sisters baby shower at a country club and paying a lot of money for food so I definitely need a head count. If people are rude enough to not RSVP, then I'll be "rude" enough to give them a call to find out if they're coming or not.
  • I can't even tell you how many people I had to chase down for RSVPs for my wedding in 2011. And they acted like I was the crazy one for expecting an answer. What was even worse was the one's who said they were coming and didn't. Bitch do you know how much I had to pay for that seat you left empty!!!?
    Grr. I'm still bitter. In case you couldn't tell.
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  • I hate that. I had the same issue with my wedding, I had to call people and they thought it was obvious they were coming because we're good friends. But how would I know that without you RSVP'ing? There's enough to keep track of without that added stress.
    I don't get it, it probably is a lost etiquette.
  • Aw that's annoying, but I promise you, RSVP is not dead. I must have gotten lucky with the last few events I've thrown. I think it totally just depends on who you know. I definitely try to keep guest lists limited to those whom would care enough to RSVP. But yeah, there are always at least one or two flakes, I suppose.
  • Yes, people don't RSVP anymore and it's extremely rude and irritating.
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  • I hate that. I had the same issue with my wedding, I had to call people and they thought it was obvious they were coming because we're good friends. But how would I know that without you RSVP'ing? There's enough to keep track of without that added stress. I don't get it, it probably is a lost etiquette.
    Ugh, I had to deal with the same thing! Weddings aren't cheap!
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  • No one does anymore! Annoying as hell! I am preparing for twenty some for christmas and have yet to hear from everyone. People we are two weeks away!!!?? Pregnant chick here has a lot of people to cook for..some notice of who is coming would be fabulous!

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • My shower was this past weekend and only about half of the guests RSVP'ed and my host had to track down the rest. I felt bad but I had to do the same for her shower last year.
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  • I'm worried about this happening to me. My shower is in Feb sometime. My sister, mom and 2 cousins are hosting my shower, we have an extremely large family and close friends/people from my church. So far they told me its around 150 people invited and 83 has RSVP. That's a lot of people! I'm hoping either they keep the RSVP or decline but just say wether or not they're coming. I don't want anyone to waste money. Showers has become surprisingly expensive and its rude to just show up or say you are and not show up.

    I think I'm going to tell them to call everyone to be sure. This post really helps.

  • Kayrock18 said:
    I'm worried about this happening to me. My shower is in Feb sometime. My sister, mom and 2 cousins are hosting my shower, we have an extremely large family and close friends/people from my church. So far they told me its around 150 people invited and 83 has RSVP. That's a lot of people! I'm hoping either they keep the RSVP or decline but just say wether or not they're coming. I don't want anyone to waste money. Showers has become surprisingly expensive and its rude to just show up or say you are and not show up. I think I'm going to tell them to call everyone to be sure. This post really helps.
    Holy moly, your shower isn't until February and people have to RSVP already?  How would people who actually have to work weekends and get their work schedules month by month know if they can come or not?  That is sooner than most people would expect wedding RSVPs.  People do suck at replying, but that is jumping the gun, shower invites usually aren't even sent out any earlier than a month before the event.  Don't have them call until about 2 weeks before the shower, right now some people honestly will not know if they will be able to have the day off or not.
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  • nah82nah82 member
    edited December 2013
    Joy2611 said:
     
    Shower invites are usually sent 3-4 weeks in advance so the fact that you are expecting people to have already RSVP'd is kind of ridiculous because, hello, it's only December and it's only a freaking shower.  

    This is what I was thinking while reading this thread.  So. many. people. think that their event is the be all and end all of events so they send invitations out earlier and earlier.  Then, many of these people are surprised when there's no RSVP.  I dunno - it's December and you're asking me to RSVP to something in March. 

    Weddings are the WORST offenders.  I had to RSVP in March for a late June wedding last year.  Nope - forgot to send it.  Why?  We were trying to decide if we had enough to fly to Europe for it and four months kinda makes a huge difference.

    That said, many people just don't RSVP even if invitations are sent in a timely fashion.  Call 'em up!
    I got a save the date postcard for my cousin's wedding that is on the opposite side of the country next June that asked me to RSVP "no" or "maybe" and also said a formal invitation would follow.  So, are people supposed to RSVP a second time when the actual invitation comes, or?  Why the need for a preliminary RSVP 6 months in advance?  Are they only going to send "formal" invites to those people who reply "maybe" now to save money?  huh?

    ETA: This is not Soup Cousin.  Perhaps I should call her RSVP Maybe Cousin?
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  • @namcgee She is probably pre-screening the A-list so she can invite as many B-listers as possible when the time comes. You gotta pack that church as tightly as possible for maximum giftload! think this is in Emily Post's new book.
  • nah82nah82 member
    edited December 2013
    It is a lesbian wedding, so there won't be a church in the equation, I think it's outdoors.  I don't think there will be a lot attending just because of the travel factor since it's on the other side of the country from family (and they don't have much of a choice on where they can get married since it is not legal here in her home state).  I will be sending a gift, but I can't afford to travel that far with our family of 4.
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  • Actually it was a save the date.That being said I've received invite 2months before a shower/wedding/bridal showers. I'm not expecting everyone to come but I do have many family members from different areas that do need to plan ahead. (Nurses, family out of town etc etc ... The shower isn't "the 1st world event"/problem" but I think its courteous to give advance notice. The save the date only went out Sunday. I was honestly shock to hear so many people RSVP already. I never thought about the issue the original poster posted about, which was something to think about being that its a large amount of people. I'm grateful to everyone coming and not coming ,being that my hubby really didn't want a shower.(my family & friends would not hear it and instead of having separate showers from work/in laws/church they decided to combine it) I'm simply looking forward to having a good time with everyone being that I'm home on bed rest. And will have a preemie to deal with right after(baby will be deliver I'm late feb/early march) due to medical issue.

    I was thinking to have my family/friends call closer to the date of shower feb. 9.. Only then not before would I suggest that they call to reconfirm. As I said its a lot of guest but I wouldn't want my friends/family to over spend or not provide the right amount of food and either have too much people show up or less people show up. This post just so happen to help me. Now I could make a suggestion and be helpful in some way.
  • I can't even tell you how many people I had to chase down for RSVPs for my wedding in 2011. And they acted like I was the crazy one for expecting an answer.


    Same problem.  I think 1/3 of our guest list RSVPd, and then we had to chase down everyone else, but we were only able to pin down about half of who hadn't responded.  We just literally couldn't get a response by phone or email for some of them, or if they did answer, it was, "Oh, I don't know yet.  I need to ask off work." 

     


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  • I think the worse part of this is that they think a facebook message is an ok way to communicate about not making it.  I am sorry that this happened to you.  

     

  • @namcgee She is probably pre-screening the A-list so she can invite as many B-listers as possible when the time comes. You gotta pack that church as tightly as possible for maximum giftload! think this is in Emily Post's new book.
    *** 
    Ah! Now I understand what happened with my frenemey's daughter's wedding last summer. They sent the invites out with an RSVP deadline of June 1st. I was dragging my feet on responding because I was hoping to talk Dude into not going. 

    By April, she was using Facebook statuses to demand everyone RSVP right away, and in mid-May she had her husband call mine to get a yes or no. (At that point, I didn't mail the damn card until 5/31 just to spite her.) 

    As it turns out, of the 400 people invited, only about 225 showed. So I guess they were panicking about the low turnout. 

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  • Yes they did. As I stated a lot of people even when finding out I was pregnant requested to be informed early regarding the shower because they wanted to be there but some would only be available with advance notice ex. Family members from out of town. It's also a combined shower ;explaining the large amount of guest which at this point 90 has responded.


    I don't see how its ridiculous for people to want to shower someone with love?
    To me it would be ridiculous not to do so.

    Is there a Rule book on how much love and respect a number of people should give someone at a time in their lives ex:baby shower,bridal shower, wedding? I would like that book and to know what's the right amount of people they should allow to be there or show their love and excitement for a new life entering this world.

    I've never had such an reaction to something so small. If you all are taken back by this what would you all think of our family dinners that's 25 to 30people? Andplusalso, that's a small dinner, thanksgiving is roughly 60-70 people.


    I can't help that I come from a huge loving family (church family included) but I can respect everyone's time and love by giving advance notice. I would like the same in return. I wouldn't want someone to wait 2 weeks before their event to send an invite,(unless its a last min get together, my family is famous for this with birthdays) in any other case a plan event would make me feel like I was a last min thought and they just assumed I have nothing going on verses in advance notice because I know they thought about celebrating that day with me.


    I didn't think this was a big deal ladies. It's actually minor to the fact that my baby may have to spend 3 or more months out of her life in the NICU. I'll be happy just having her here safe and healthy cherry on top would be if I make it to my shower. As I said its not world 1st problem/issue. Its a gesture of love and support from my family who as I also stated wouldn't take no for an answer and wanted a shower. I knew I was high risk and didn't want them to spend money and time in the event she comes early but wether or not she does they insisted and I'm very grateful for their love for my baby and family even before she's born.


    I only came on the forum and replied to the post because I do think about the thought, love, support, time and money my friends and family are putting into this and I felt happy at 1st to be able to suggest something being that there's not much I can do to help them. (Bed rest sucks) I know I can't be involved but you try laying in bed and the only place or thing you can do is pray, go to the doctors and get shots and u/s and back home week after week. You would feel as helpless as me. The original poster just so happen to make me think about my loved ones and how they would feel? I'm not involved but if I can suggest anything helpful I would.

    I don't see the need to act so judgey about someone else shower. In any case it won't change any plans they may have regarding the shower. It still remain minor in site of having a healthy baby that's able to breath on her own and live a healthy life.

    I hope we all have healthy little ones and focus less on minor things like the "rules of showers" or how much people is invited or if they RSVP 2 or 3 months in advance because that's not what the rule book says. Which I'm assuming is or was written by bliss berry her self.
  • Meh.**shrug** Nothing will or has changed. Everyone is happy about doing it their way no one has complained and 75% of the guest I'm told have replied. Its not in my hands. I'm grateful for everyone who is putting the shower together for us and however they see fit to handle it I'll go along with them. My Only request is cake. Cheesecake! Cakes with strawberry and French vanilla filling. (I had to close my eyes as I described and imagine those cakes)


    I'm just looking forward to each day I get to keep my baby inside,alive and as close to March as I can get her. Did I mention, I'm ESPECIALLY looking forward to the CAKE! They can give me all the cakes in the world as gifts.

    I wish I knew how to add those fancy cake pic I see some of the ladies insert. Please insert a cake for me.
    I'm over it. :P :P
  • This is one of my pet peaves. I think it is incredibly rude NOT to RSVP. People are so into themselves anymore that they don't think about the people planning or paying for the event. I totally disagree that the host should have called the non RSVP people. You already asked for them to RSVP, why should she have to call them to find out if they r coming. It's a shame.

     

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