2yo not sleeping through the night -- tell me there are others

hbr.white · December 2013

Our DD is 2 yo and very rarely sleeps through the night. We have tried rocking her and putting her back in her crib, but this RARELY works. When she wakes up at night, she is awake -- standing up, asking for milk, awake. You are going to want to slap us on the hand and say, "Bad parents," but like a large chunk of parents out there we do shift work (in healthcare). When I get home at 10:30pm and don't wind down enough until about 11:15pm to go to bed, getting up at 2am to rock our toddler for an extended amount of time on the slim hope that when I put her back in her bed she won't start crying hysterically is nearly impossible. What do we do? Well, we put her in our bed. We all sleep. I know it's a terrible habit, but we all sleep. Tell me, please, that we are not the only ones.

GirlLeastLikelyTo · December 2013

Our two year-old almost ALWAYS ends up in our bed. He starts in his own, but almost every night around midnight, he makes his way over to our bed and crawls in between us. I love it, my husband loves it and we all have a good night's sleep. I would go mad if I had to constantly bring him back to his own bed. Honestly, it's not a big deal at our house. We figure he'll stay in his own bed eventually.

BeanNut · December 2013

Co-sleeping is only a problem if your SO have a problem with it. If it works for you, no big deal.

TiffanyBerry · December 2013

MANY children do not sleep entirely and regularly through the night on their own for many years. Many kids end up in bed with their parents for some portion of the night. It's normal, and it's not some horrid bad thing you are doing. Only our culture has this obsession with toddlers (who are, in reality, dependent upon us for many things) being totally independent for 10-12 hours at night in a dark room. Don't get me wrong, if that works well for the child, then that's a great thing to do. But if it doesn't, then it's a silly thing to do.

At 3.5yrs old, my daughter often wakes in the night (in fact, she's only started sleeping through the night more often than not in the past month or so), and I sleep with her (in her large mattress on the floor) when she does wake up. It gets us both more sleep.

For what it's worth, you aren't going to teach your kid to not wake up in the middle of the night. Everyone does it - even adults - to some degree or another. What she will need to (eventually, by the time she is MUCH older), is how to put herself back to sleep. Those are the skills to work on - being ok being alone, being ok being still, staying relaxed and calm. These are not primary toddler skills! They take time for many kids!

LSU628 · December 2013

Not to scare you, but my 4 1/2 yr old just started sleeping through the night or staying in her bed all night. We also fell into the putting the baby in our bed routine. It became a HARD habit to break. I either fought with her for hours on end with her wailing at the top of her lungs or she ended up in a sleeping bag on our floor. I think around 3 or so their imaginations kick into over drive and DD was scared to stay in her room alone. I bought this LED battery operated Christmas tree to decorate her doll house. I'm not sure if it's the extra light or a total coincidence but since putting the tree in her room 2 weeks ago she hasn't come in my bed once.

Angela814 · December 2013

DD1 didn't sttn until she turned 5. DD2 just started sttn at a little over 3. Both came into our bed when they woke up and went right back to sleep.

ddmmt9 · December 2013

My son is a terrible sleeper at 2 years and 4 months old. He wakes up at random times in the night and hop right in bed. sometimes we don't even notice and there he sleeps all night lol. They are young and sometimes they just can't get back to sleep on their own or they miss mommy and daddy and want to be with them. Its perfectly fine. Trust they won't be 15 in your bed they will go into their own room eventually.

dairygirl19 · December 2013

My 2.5 year old gets up in the middle of the night about 4xs a week lately asking for more milk and to rock.

You are not alone. I indulge her because it gets us back to bed fastest. I also think she wakes up scared so I'm not willing to let her cry at this point.

Sometimes, she's playing us though and then I put her back and shut the door.

We don't bedshare because H and I aren't fans and my kid hates it, but if it doesn't bother you, whatever.

FWIW, my kid prior 2 was practically born sleeping through the night, so don't feel bad.

tonychelle · December 2013

Maesyn hasn't slept good since the first time change! We cosleep too --- she doesn't typically wake up and stay up, but she does wake up 1-2 times a night wanting milk, wanting to go sit in the living room (haven't figured that out yet...) and sometimes with tummy troubles/etc. You are not alone!

beautiflaw · December 2013

Its actually very healthy to cosleep and bedshare. There's been a ton of research done on it and its not a "bad habit" or detrimental to your child at all. If this is comfortable for you and your child, keep doing it. Maybe since you both work she wants to spend time with you at night when she feels most vulnerable. Its a fact that when people are sleepy they feel more emotionally sensitive. She probably wants the cuddles and closeness. There's nothing wrong with that at all. If you enjoy that time with her and it makes you happy, don't worry about it. When your LO is ready, she'll transition on her own.

If you no longer want to share a bed with your toddler, you can help ease this transition along. Try reading the Toddler No Cry Sleep Solution. Its a great book and may help with your scenario. You may also want to try letting her go to a big girl bed instead of a crib, and putting a sippy cup of water on a nightstand or something. Does she have a nightlight? Or a favorite toy or blankie she sleeps with? These might help too.

I know you guys do shift work, but is there any way she can go to bed at the same time every night with a constant routine? If so, this might be what you need. Routine is soothing for kids and helps them know what to expect, and also what is expected of them. It sets their body clocks and prepares them for a regular schedule when they start school. A consistent bedtime routine is the only thing that works for our DD. She wakes up several times a night without it.

When we are sticking to our routine, DD rarely wakes up in the night. She's in a toddler bed and she feels safe at night because she knows she can leave her bed if she gets scared and come to our room. Sometimes she has bad dreams, and it takes a few songs and a drink of water to get her back to sleep. The only time she sleeps with us is when she's sick, and she's actually phasing out of that little by little as she gets older. But since she knows she can come to us if she wants, she's happy and stays in her room.

beautiflaw · December 2013

TiffanyBerry said:

MANY children do not sleep entirely and regularly through the night on their own for many years. Many kids end up in bed with their parents for some portion of the night. It's normal, and it's not some horrid bad thing you are doing. Only our culture has this obsession with toddlers (who are, in reality, dependent upon us for many things) being totally independent for 10-12 hours at night in a dark room. Don't get me wrong, if that works well for the child, then that's a great thing to do. But if it doesn't, then it's a silly thing to do.

At 3.5yrs old, my daughter often wakes in the night (in fact, she's only started sleeping through the night more often than not in the past month or so), and I sleep with her (in her large mattress on the floor) when she does wake up. It gets us both more sleep.

For what it's worth, you aren't going to teach your kid to not wake up in the middle of the night. Everyone does it - even adults - to some degree or another. What she will need to (eventually, by the time she is MUCH older), is how to put herself back to sleep. Those are the skills to work on - being ok being alone, being ok being still, staying relaxed and calm. These are not primary toddler skills! They take time for many kids!

THIS THIS THIS

For my DD all she needed was a toddler bed. She wanted to be able to get in and out, because then she could come to our room on her own. It took forever but she finally figured out that she can wake up, roll over and get comfy again, and drop back to sleep. I think what cemented the idea in her mind was that she can "think happy thoughts to have happy dreams." Before she drifts off to sleep, we talk about all the things she likes the most. She falls asleep with those nice things on her mind. And I tell her that if she wakes up in the night, she can snuggle her bear and think of those happy thoughts again, and fall back to sleep. I think we told her that every nap and bedtime for about 3 months, and now she does it without us. I will hear her whispering stuff to herself in the night, and then a few moments later hear her snoring!

I will say that I have moments when I miss sleeping with her next to me. She's in an independent phase now and doesn't want to cuddle with me at all!

ChelsiAnn13 · December 2013

My LO just started not sleeping through the night after being amazing. She is in a toddler bed and is starting to get up to go potty since she is potty trained so I am struggling as well. I have no advice because I can't figure out what to do myself. But I wish you luck!

Soon2BMrsN · December 2013

DS2 rarely sleeps through the night, and he only sleeps from ~8p to 5a anyway. He has just never been a great sleeper. I lie on the floor of his room while he falls asleep each night and usually have to go in once per night to replace his paci, cover him back up, turn his music back on, and lie on the floor again while he goes back to sleep. Then I sneak back to bed. This has worked fine for us for awhile, but I don't know what we are going to do come next summer. He will be moving into a bunk bed in ODS's room when I have baby #3. I am more nervous about this transition than actually having a third kid!

BelhurstBride · December 2013

When the night wake ups got to be too much for me I switched DD1 to a toddler bed so she could get up and come into our bed whenever she needed to.

Sometime after she turned 3 she started getting up less and less, but still has nights when she wants to come in our bed.

Lovenyc · January 2014

My 26month old son has always been a terrible sleeper thanks to never-ending ear infections. We moved him to a new room and a twin bed. It was a HUGE hit for 2 mohths...and then he got sick. He had the flu and an ear infection. I ended up in the bed with him for days because I just wanted to cuddle him and take care of him. Now we have been trying to get him back on track for nearly a week. He'll go to bed by himself. Wakes up once w a wet diaper. DH will change him and he goes back down...then he wakes up around 330...and then 430. He doesn't settle down until mama comes into bed with him. He'll then sleep with me in his bed until 7ish. We BOTH need the sleep. I feel like I really screwed up his habits by sleeping w him when he was sick...but that's what mamas do, right?

Soonergrlnks · January 2014

DD is 31 months. We have gotten into the habit of her laying with my husband and I until she goes to sleep and then I take her to her bed. I'd say it's 50/50 on if she comes back to our bed or not. Last night she stayed in her bed all night. Other nights I will wake up and she will be in bed with us. Dear Hubby doesn't mind and I think it helps all of us sleep better when she is in our bed.

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