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singingirl96 · January 2014

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12226499/gender-disappointment/p1

StefaniPenn said:

So before I'm bashed into the ground for this, let me give some background. I will be 24 when LO is born and this is baby number 3. I have two beautiful daughters. This is the last child I will ever have. Between my hubby and I we will have 6 kids. He has three: 2 girls and a boy. I have health risks that mean after this baby is born I will have a hystorectomy ( i think I misspelled that sorry). There are no maybes or later on down the roads. This is it. So my problem. I want a boy so bad. We have four girls and one boy and honestly the thought of more frills and girly things gives me a headache. Of course all I want is for the baby to be born healthy with no risks to him (or her) because of my risks. But I am so stressed about the what if. I will be devestated if we have another girl.Will this go away? How am I going to over come this when I can"t even think girl. I call the baby him, look at boy stuff, think boy names and I have to remind myself to think girl too. Did anybody else feel this way?

adorebella · January 2014

I don't think this is bad at all. She wants a boy, what's the big deal?

singingirl96 · January 2014

adorebella said:

I don't think this is bad at all. She wants a boy, what's the big deal?

DEVASTATED?

then she went on to saying this:

StefaniPenn said:

Whether you people agree with how I phrased things or not and whether you believe gender disappoimtment is an honest struggle that wasn't what I asked and I honestly do not care what your view is on it. I asked if anyone else had experienced it and how they had over come it. No this baby was not planned but that's not the point and just because I have 3 does not mean getting pregnant was easy for me. No I did not have to go through treatments but your assumption was way off and totally off topic. I plan to find out what I'm having to give me time to adjust. I'm sorry for some people's struggle on getting pregnant but again it has nothing to do with this. This is difficult for me. Having another girl will be difficult and if you think I'm stupid or insenstive for feeling that way don't read my post. I wanted to know how to get over this in a healthy way and I asked how others have done that. Thank you to those who gave support. To the rest of you, when I read the rules it was about building women up and being supportive during this time. Just because my problem doesn't register on your radar does not make me wrong. And if you feel like I am than don't read.

aylafsu88 · January 2014

I get that she wants a boy and I am sort of OK with that. What I do not get is having another child when she has major life threatening complications just so she can try for a boy. What I also do not get is that number of kids those two have between them at such a young age. That is a lot of kids and a lot of responsibility.

adorebella · January 2014

singingirl96 said:

adorebella said:

I don't think this is bad at all. She wants a boy, what's the big deal?

DEVASTATED?

then she went on to saying this:

StefaniPenn said:

Whether you people agree with how I phrased
things or not and whether you believe gender disappoimtment is an honest
struggle that wasn't what I asked and I honestly do not care what your
view is on it. I asked if anyone else had experienced it and how they
had over come it. No this baby was not planned but that's not the point
and just because I have 3 does not mean getting pregnant was easy for
me. No I did not have to go through treatments but your assumption was
way off and totally off topic. I plan to find out what I'm having to
give me time to adjust. I'm sorry for some people's struggle on getting
pregnant but again it has nothing to do with this.

This is difficult for me. Having another girl will be difficult and if
you think I'm stupid or insenstive for feeling that way don't read my
post. I wanted to know how to get over this in a healthy way and I asked
how others have done that. Thank you to those who gave support. To the
rest of you, when I read the rules it was about building women up and
being supportive during this time. Just because my problem doesn't
register on your radar does not make me wrong. And if you feel like I am
than don't read.

Yes I'm still not seeing the problem. She has a valid feeling, because all feelings are valid. She also recognizes it's something she needs to deal with in a healthy way and is asking for advice. All sounds legit to me

lewispm · January 2014

adorebella said:

I don't think this is bad at all. She wants a boy, what's the big deal?

This. I think a lot of people fear they will be devastated not to get the sex they are hoping for, but usually they aren't. I'll admit, I REALLY wanted a girl when we found out K was a boy and for a little while, maybe a day or 2, I was actually disappointed. I didn't know what to do with a boy, didn't like the idea of trucks and trains and bugs, and was just coping with the truth that I would not be having a girl. But now?? Now I am THRILLED to have my little boy and, to be 100% honest, I hope that my next one is a boy as well. I could not love K any more than I do and I now know that the sex of your baby is such a miniscule detail in the grand scheme of things.

I also don't think this person's confession was that bad. She will love her child regardless of the sex, but she is worried about how she will deal with the let down of not getting the sex that she wants for her child. And honeslt,y she will probably be fine. It is just a natural concern that, I think, is extremely common but rarely talked about.

SallySunrise · January 2014

As someone who at one time feared never having another at all, and would have given ANYTHING to have ANY baby, it's hard for me to read these posts. HOWEVER, I am fully aware that it is a common, normal feeling that she is completely entitled to and I do not judge her for it.

StokedWifey · January 2014

I totally get being disappointed. I've always wanted a boy first, but convinced myself I wanted a girl in the weeks leading to our anatomy scan. I felt a twinge of disappointment when they said it was a boy. I was disappointed for a few minutes, but jumped on the boy train.

For #2, I will be disappointed if it's a boy because I have wanted a girl also as long as I can remember and this will be our last shot. To say "devastated" kinda ticks me off and makes me feel bad for the kid if it's a girl. Especially with health issues, just having a baby should be a blessing and using the word "devastated" perturbs me.

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