Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
KH826
member
Re: Pregnancy Check-in
19w6d (20 weeks tomorrow)! - EDD is June 3rd
Our anatomy scan is this Wednesday. I am excited, but nervous. I am always nervous to see baby again when I haven't for a couple of weeks.
The theme of this past week for me has been more sleep challenges and lots of "strange feelings" ... I will explain the strange feelings first, b/c I know that sounds ominous (it isn't meant to, but I just don't know what else to call it). So I have been feeling lots of pulling/stretching/cramping/fluttering the last several days. I think it is likely that the cramping feeling is in fact stretching of some kind and/or round ligament pain. The fluttering could be a mixture of gas and early movement, but I just don't really know for sure so I am hesitant to call it movement. It is kind of unsettling, only because I am admittedly a worrier when it comes to this pregnancy, and any new feelings that I cannot explain are worrying. Unfortunately, I am not able to label each feeling and say "oh that is stretching and it is normal, oh that is movement - yay!" - so to me right now it all just feels like unknown strange feelings. I know I will feel loads better after I see baby on Wednesday.
In terms of my sleep challenges, it seems to stem from two things: 1) Having to get up to pee 3+ times a night (that just started last week. I was at 1-2 times a night before that); 2) I am totally unable to get and stay comfortable. Laying on one side for more than 45 min to an hour is uncomfortable, so I toss and turn all night.
Oh, and one more little gem... on Friday night I had my first episode of swelling. My left foot/ankle swelled to twice the size of my right one. I think it was b/c I had worn heels twice last week and on Friday I was on my feet a lot and worked a stressful 11 hour work day. Neither the heels nor the longer work day on my feet had been my norm for at least a month, and I think my body was just not used to it. I elevated my feet a lot this weekend and drank lots of water and by Sunday my left foot/ankle had returned to normal size. My BP remains normal and the swelled foot did not hurt at all. I don't think I need to be majorly alarmed, I just need to keep an eye on it, and I will mention it to my OB at my next appointment. I was originally nervous that this was too early for me to have swelling, but I did google it (I know, I really should stay off google), and I found a lot of women who said they started experiencing swelling around 20 weeks. So that made me feel a little better...
QOTW: We haven't signed up for birthing classes yet, but I know the 2 that I want to take. Both are offered through the hospital where we will deliver, and my OB said that I should sign up about 25 weeks and plan to take the classes around 30-33 weeks. So that is my plan at the moment. I have also been looking around to see if I could find an LGBT specific birthing class in our area, but I haven't been able to find anything (we are in Philadelphia). I really like the idea of a class that is centered around families like ours and partners/non-birth parents who are not necessarily "dads" -- I think it would be nice, but I haven't found anything... I am hopeful that the classes offered through our hospital will be welcoming and inclusive, but only time will tell, I guess.
Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012
5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN
Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer! *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581 *********William George born June 4, 2014*********Just realized while typing my EDD that it's exactly 6 months from today. Eeek. My EDD from my second pregnancy is also in two days. Bleh.
I am trying to organize my daycare research today as I was starting to get overwhelmed. I started a spreadsheet and have been doing more research, contacting places for rates, and comparing them. It's interesting that the places I thought would be our best options are starting to fall toward the bottom of the list.
I have to go back to the orthopedist to have my foot checked -- yes, the one I broke in August. It started getting sore recently and then I noticed it was bruised on the top. I didn't do anything to injure it so I'm guessing that as my joints and ligaments are loosening, it is causing stress on the fracture, which is probably not 100%. Ugh. A word of advice -- do not break your foot two months before an embryo transfer! I was just getting back into exercising (walking, not running, which my OB told me not to do due to the risk of re-injury) and I feel like what I'm allowed to do might become very limited, which is not going to make it easy to control my weight gain. Or, worse, I am afraid they are going to want me to go back in the walking boot, which screwed up my hip (and would probably screw it up even more now). My wife keeps reminding me that in the history of shitty things that have happened in the last couple of years, this is pretty minor. And it's true, I'd rather have a bum foot, a bum hip and a live baby than a perfect foot and hip and no baby. But I'm not happy about it.
Other than the foot, I feel good. Just SUPER impatient for those Mat21 results to come in.
QOTW: This is SO not on my radar right now. Sounds like I don't need to sign up for about 10 weeks or so, so I'm officially not thinking about it --AT LEAST until I have my fetus signed up for daycare!
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
Together 11 years ~ Married 4 years
IUI #3 - April 2014 - Monitored, 100mg Clomid CD1-5. Ovidrel w/ one 24mm follicle on CD13, back-to-back IUI w/ donor sperm CD14-15... BFP on 5/1/14 ... EDD: 1/10/15
Oh, little baby is keeping me aprised of her living status but making me feel gross, for which I am grateful. The nausea has been distracting for sure, but no barfing thank goodness. My smell and food aversions continue to escalation which is just *weird* but I'm choosing to think it interesting and focus on the novelty of it vs. how annoying it is. I'm re-learning how to be vegetarian and have now limited J to cooking any meat on the grill outside. She made bacon and collards today and I had to go outside 1 minute after coming in, and then worked in our small front bedroom with all the windows open at 40 degrees. Fun! But I'll take it! My big win was last night, when I slept from 10:30 - 6:30 and woke up feeling like a million effing dollars. I don't know how I did it but it was heaven!
My IRL friend M took my yoga class w/ me Saturday and thought it was hard! She's 31w and been doing yoga all along - so tonight I tried her normal studio and I thought IT was hard! But all relative/what you're used to. The teacher at hers is a wise older woman who I loved. She made me tear up after class - she said "this baby is already teaching you a lot, and the baby you lost is still teaching you a lot." I loved her, and the class. I'm going to alternate studios as her Monday class is earlier and I love that, but I've grown attached to my other place too. I'm going 2-3x/week total. Or that is at least my stated goal
Tomorrow I'm going to see the counselor who specializes in reproductive challenges, including loss. My yoga teacher tonight knew this woman well and said "she has lived a long time and will help you." I'm hoping. Oddly I've been less anxious (due to the reassuring m/s) but still feel like there is some grief I need to address. I'm excited for her to guide me as it sounds like she knows her stuff.
Next appt. is Wed. at 9w! Yay! And I had to move my NT scan/Mat21 blood draw up 2 days to 1/29 due to a work trip sprung on me today but no complaints on that front! We'll get to know the gender 2 days sooner
QOTW: Seattle has a pretty amazing childbirth community. Doulas are everywhere, I had about 8 prenatal yoga places within spitting distance to choose from, etc. I am a big fan of childbirth educator Penny Simkin - she's an amazing woman - and lucky for me she lives in Seattle. Her childbirth classes usually fill up well before the class hits end of first tri (if you wait to sign up past 10w you will be waitlisted), so we are signed up for her hospital birth classes. Her book, "Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn," imho, blows "what to expect" out of the water. I know her personally as I did her doula training way back when, and also sat in on/assisted her childbirth ed classes for several years. I've heard the content 10 times but it'll be so different being in the drivers seat so-to-speak! So, that's our plan.
Another tidbit - she has a pretty great book called "The Birth Partner" that is the only book I'm asking J to read. It is 100% focused on supporting the birthing mom in labor, and a great reference esp. in early labor. We'll have a doula because I don't want J under pressure to remember everything, but it's a great base knowledge for your mate with or without professional labor support, and esp. at home before you are allowed to go to the hospital.
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
It looks specifically at Trisomies 13,18 (both fatal) and 21 (downs), as well as Turners'/sec chromosome abnormalities...which is how you "get" to find out the gender. I believe its not possible, or iffy for twins but that could be old info. Its a simple blood test, no intervention. Its done between 11-13w. My doc prefers earlier in case there is a problem you have more tome to make "difficult decisions"....
Results take 1-2 weeks, last time we knew by 13w (it only took 1 week). I did have a friend get a false positive for turners, because as women age they develop more XXX chromosomes which the test misread as the baby's; so that is the risk. She had the amnio and baby was/is perfect.
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
I'm 24 weeks & 6 days EDD 4/29/14.
I feel pretty good except more tired than usual, I took naps both weekend days. Baby is hopping around, right now I'm lying on my back in bed and it feels like he's pushing off my cervix to bounce into my belly. Must be fun. ;-)
I have to take my glucose test before my next appointment on the 23rd. Not looking forward to that. I had a hard time choking that gross syrup down last time :-(. Other than that I unpacked & put away a bunch of newborn stuff this weekend. I feel much more prepared now (I think my back pain from the other week scared me into being afraid that at any point I could be out of commission).
EV & I are meeting with R (our midwife from Kaden's birth) on Wednesday. I'm hoping to get some advice and feedback on either having a home birth or recommending a doula for a hospital birth (if she herself is not available).
QOTD- no birthing class this time. Last time we took a great LGBT class in the East Bay (there's one in Seattle too) through Maia Midwifery. I will however read lots of books. Thanks @2mamazinseattke for reminding me about the birth partner book. :-)
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle