Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
sunshine2929
member
Re: relationship falling apart
Things were tough for H and I for a while. A baby let alone new house adds so much stress on a relationship. We bought a house in June so I know what it's like. We had to have several serious conversations and it wasn't like "you make me feel" or "you do this" none of that. It was I understand how tough this is on u, and it's tough on us. This is how I feel and I really want to help us get on the same page.
What do you need more from me... And this is what I would like more from you. I don't know if that would help. I know it's hard not to say you are a jerk and selfish... But that won't resolve anything. IMO. I would also make sure H wants to be on the same page and fix things. Go see a neutral party like couples therapy.
I hope you guys can climb back out of this hole!!! I'm sure this is super super common! Good luck mama!
If you are truly upset maybe you should talk to a counselor. Adding kids always adds a lot in any relationship.
We just can't seem to get on the same page. We're not even in the same book right now.
Good luck!
@kennazebrowsky- he's definitely not a nurtured. He thinks you just gotta suck it up- so annoying but it is what it is
@ellabelle2010- hope it gets better for you as well. And yeah we aren't in the same book either anymore
@blinnea23- we definitely need to make time for each other, just really hard with the hours he works
Thanks ladies for your support
BFP Oct 16, 2012 M/C Nov 10, 2012
BFP Dec 31, 2012 EDD Sept 12, 2013
I agree with @kennazebrowsky: maybe you guys can start to see someone? Is this something that he'd be up for? I'd start at first with seeing the therapist by yourself for 5 or so sessions and then start to see the person together. I say this because a lot of the times there are under lying issues that both of you have to get straight. It helps 100%.
Also you have to communicate communicate communicate. If you want a nap turn don't expect them to jump up and take the kiddo for you. You have to say "I need this _____, you do that ______, etc." Make sure your tone isn't all Major Payne. Boys are so dumb.
Also sometimes a good night's sleep and a hot shower can really lift you spirits! See if a family friend or family member can take LO for a couple hours and you just take care of yourself. Don't nurture DH, don't do ANY chores, watch your shows, take a nap and a long hot shower. Maybe a glass of wine?
BFP 01/05/2013. EDD 09/18/2013. Low Progesterone. Gestational Diabetes. Rh Negative. Baby Ky-Mani born 100% healthy 09/17/2013. TTC#2 12/2013. BFP 02/01/2014! "Baby RaggaMuffin" due 10/07/2014.
I am really sorry you are struggling! I think most couples go through really tough months during the baby's first year. Is there anyone at your husband's work who could kind of commiserate with him? I think men need to vent too and it helps to get perspective-just like for us.
With that said, DH and I hit a breaking point about a year and a half ago with our lack of communication. We were both very angry at each other, not listening to each other, and making the matter worse. I felt like even though I loved him, I'd made a mistake marrying him. We went to see a couples counselor, and I can't recommend it enough. All those things I'd nagged DH about he actually listened to when he heard it from someone else. I finally felt heard. And I learned some things that I was doing wrong too. The counselor also pointed out some really amazing, positive and loving things about our relationship that we were too angry to notice. That gave us the confidence to work on our problems.
We're not perfect, but counseling did give us some pretty awesome tools for improving our relationship. With the baby and DH's constant struggle to land a better job, it's been very stressful. But I know we're going to be fine.
I'm always here to chat, of course. You still have my number
Bunny: 10.9.13
Jellybean #2 Due: 2.1.16
F16 July Siggy Challenge: Favorite Summer Activity
Hiking and Baseball Games with the Fam
I don't know your relationship but I know for us that a big thing was me actually making sure that I really do ask for specific help. I was constantly saying that he didn't help but I just expected him to do it or I would just say, "you need to clean more." He didn't know what that meant, it seems obvious but actually saying specific things like empty the dishwasher or vacuum the entryway or play with DD made a huge difference. Eventually he started doing more without me asking but it certainly wasn't overnight.
I know partly my SO is just lazy, he was babied and never had to do anything for himself but I knew that from the get go. A lot of times it feels like he's being a selfish jerk but I have come to understand that most of The time, he genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing and can't figure out when I need something. The thing is, buying a house and having a kid changes everything, it's a huge adjustment. So the things that never seemed that bad or that you never really noticed have now been magnified and blown out of proportion. Were your issues with him all prior to LO or did it really peak after LO was born and maybe during pregnancy?
Talk it out calmly and see what you both can do to make it work, be specific about your needs and wants and communicate them fully. I hope things get better for you soon, I know talking to my doctor has helped me as well with feeling overly down. I know you said his schedule makes it hard to spend time together but even just an hour after LO goes to sleep can make a huge difference, try focusing on each other and not the issues you are having. And like PP said, find time for just you as well, get your hair done or go shopping, it doesn't need to be extravagant but even a little time away will help. Good luck, hugs
If your dh is working 60 hours, I bet he's exhausted when he comes home. Might it be worth looking into a part time job so he can cut back his hours a bit? That way you'll see each other more and you will have some time away from LO to recoup?
Just tossing out ideas.
A glass of wine sounds heavenly but with EBF and the frequent feedings, I'm so paranoid to have one. Lo is up every 2 hours at night again, going through the 4 month wakeful I think.
I definitely think we need a night out together, i gotta start pumping so we can make that happen!
You ladies are awesome and have made me feel so much better. I dont post a whole lot but I'm always on here and dont know what id do without you all
BFP Oct 16, 2012 M/C Nov 10, 2012
BFP Dec 31, 2012 EDD Sept 12, 2013
I hope you find a solution that works for you hon. Often just saying "I need your help" in a kind, soft tone makes those men of ours realize that they need to go easy on us when we are sleep deprived. I often tap my cheek to get my dh to give me a kiss on the cheek then I whip around and kiss him on the lips. It's takes off the tension and just breaks the ice a bit. Obviously not in the midst of a major fight, but you get the idea.
A walk and a little fresh air helps things too sometimes!
1. A glass of wine is aok with breastfeeding.
2. Marriage or individual counseling could be really helpful to get past the rough patch. Insurance may cover it. One of your employers may also offer a limited number of sessions for no or low cost.
3. Even though our relationship has improved overall, the low/challenging spots are much more so than pre-lo. Dh is truly doing his best and when he is being selfish/etc., it's utterly unintentional. For us, it's important to remind ourselves and each other that each of us really us doing our best.
4. And time us a major challenge for us right now, as dh works full time, is a full time student and gas been taking as much OT as he can to make up form Yloss of income. One thing that has helped us is tocelebrate small, special moments. between the two of us and as a family.
5. Hugs. It's hard, even when it's great.
Bunny: 10.9.13
Jellybean #2 Due: 2.1.16
F16 July Siggy Challenge: Favorite Summer Activity
Hiking and Baseball Games with the Fam
We are nowhere near what I have described and my SO is pretty adamant about not arguing in front of LO because of what he endured growing up. I just wanted to point out to you that your statement is unfair without knowing the situation of that home.
Staying together for the kids is not always the answer.
BFP Oct 16, 2012 M/C Nov 10, 2012
BFP Dec 31, 2012 EDD Sept 12, 2013
Like pp said, a good place to start is checking with insurance if they cover some visits for counseling. I used to work for a major blue cross and blue shield company and when I did most companies covered some visits but it had to be billed as family therapy, not marital therapy. Not that yours is like that but just in case!!
Big hugs and positive vibes, mama!
BFP: 1/17/13 EDD: 9/20/13 Dalenna Rose Born: 40 wks 4 days 9/24/13
FTM to my sweetpea Miss D.
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I truly hoe that things get better for you.
A big ole eff-you and the horse you rode in on.
My first son is from my prior marriage and in NO WAY is he from a so-called broken home. My divorce was the best thing to happen to both of us. He has two parents who love him dearly but also are HAPPY in their new lives; I'm remarried and my XH is engaged to be married. I'd much rather my son see what a healthy relationship is like (me and DH) vs. an unhappy, unhealthly, loveless marriage (me and XH).
OP -- I'm very sorry you're going through this. I strongly recommend seeing a counselor; if he doesn't want to go as a couple, please still go on your own. I hate the stigma that's attached to seeking therapy but it really is a life-changer.
Also, check out the book "Babyprooing Your Marriage" and "5 Languages of Love".
After that he appreciated me a lot more and understood that I need rest sometimes too. And once we got into a routine things got much better because I wasn't sitting in the house alone with LO, bored and pissed off.
I do hope things get better thoughts and prayers coming your way love