Extended bfing

KatieB19 · January 2014

Hi all! I know I don't comment here much (and haven't been over this way in a very long time) but I was hoping someone might have some input.

DS turned 3 in December. We are still doing one nursing session a day (in the morning when he wakes), but I have been wanting to cut it out. The problem is that I am the one who cut every other session, and I have been telling myself that I was going to let *him* decide when to be done with this last one. Mommy guilt is pretty strong. I know that there are two people in this bfing relationship, and that it's as much about me as it is about him. I just really think I'm done, but I don't see him voluntarily quitting anytime soon. We've seriously been doing just this one session for a year now.

Does anyone have any advice? The last time I tried to slowly cut back (only letting him nurse a little bit, vs the 20 minutes he wants to do) was over 6 months ago and I was met with a lot of resistance. I'm not trying to make it hard for him. If you decided to wean your toddler, how did you go about doing it? Was it full of tears or did they understand? TIA

Emerald27 · January 2014

We have not weaned, so I am not speaking from experience...

but have you talked with him? Maybe ask him; "how much longer do you think you want to nurse (or whatever you two call it)?" You don't have to make it sound like it's not something you like or that you disapprove or it's wrong for him to be nursing or anything like that, but just a very positive and inquisitive way of finding out how he feels about it.

He may say "I will nurse forever, mommy!" or he might surprise you with some other answer.

It is good to approach weaning with compassion and to strongly consider our children's needs in making that decision, but it is also important that nursing be a positive experience for you, and if you're no longer enjoying it, it should change.

After you talk about it, you could discuss with him nursing a shorter time, nursing every other day (or some other compromise), or occasionally having a special treat instead. You can talk about it in terms that will help him understand that you are not withholding any love from him, but maybe that the bees (that's what we call breasts in this house

) )are tired, empty, taking a break, or whatnot, and snuggle A LOT instead. Maybe that would be a compassionate, gentle transition to dropping that last session.

TiffanyBerry · January 2014

You know, I thought that DD would want to nurse "forever" too. Like I was trying to figure out if I would say "no more" when she turned five, even though that was right before kindergarten. But about a month ago - around 3yrs and 7mo or so, she sat up after nursing before bed (our last session, as I had cut out the morning one a month or two prior to that) and said that she couldn't get any booby milk. I wasn't dry (probably still am not), but she decided she couldn't get any more out. She cried about it for a while that night, and off and on the next couple of nights, for a total of about a week or a week and a half of talking about it at night. (Turns out that she was also concerned that if we have another baby that there would be milk for the baby.) So, he *might* just stop on his own at some point. 'Cause I *TOTALLY* didn't see this one coming.

That said, I think @Emerald27 is right - he's old enough that you can talk to him. I talked to DD about ending the morning nursing session for about two months before we cut it out. She wasn't thrilled, but she handled it ok.

KatieB19 · January 2014

Thank you both. I'll try talking to him. Maybe we can make a countdown or something...

Angela814 · January 2014

I weaned my oldest right around the same age. I had always planned to let her self wean, but I ended up slowly initiating weaning right around 2y10m. In the next 4 months I slowly weaned nursing sessions by not offering and doing something else at that time. We started with the after work session, then before bed, which went much more smoothly than I expected. Morning was the last session we weaned. Some mornings we would get up right away and have breakfast; other morning she insisted on mommy milk first. At some point I just realized that she hadn't nursed in a while. And that was it.

KatieB19 · January 2014

Angela814 said:

Some mornings we would get up right away and have breakfast...

Yeah. That might work. But that would totally require getting out of bed earlier, lol.

TiffanyBerry · January 2014

KatieB19 said:

Angela814 said:

Some mornings we would get up right away and have breakfast...

Yeah. That might work. But that would totally require getting out of bed earlier, lol.

Seriously, this is one reason I almost regretted getting rid of that morning nursing session. We went from laying in bed, still eyes closed, for 20 more minutes to "speak for my animals!" before I've opened my eyes. BLERG!

ah625 · January 2014

Maybe you could try setting a timer, and when it goes off go do an activity he really enjoys so he's not dreading the timer going off. Set it shorter and shorter every 2 days or so (or whatever works for you obviously) until he's only nursing for a few minutes. He might decide it's a waste of time at that point and rather play.

Just an idea.

KatieB19 · January 2014

I am just sooooo not a morning person. I do think @angela814's idea of waking and just jumping into breakfast would be the best. I have a feeling that attempting to cuddle like I would like to do it going to turn into a frustrated toddler pursuit for boobs. Now to figure out when to make this happen, talk to ds about it, possibly establish a countdown (he loves counting down to things, we make those construction paper chains).

Man, I'm gonna miss those extra 20 minutes of sleep.

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