Am I in the middle of a failed adoption?

TonyaAU · December 2013

I was matched with a nice woman who is due this week with a baby girl. We were matched in September and have been in constant contact since - even making plans for places to catch lunch and dinner before she delivers (I live in KY and she lives in FL). We had discussed our Thanksgiving day plans. She had even changed her original plans to see her brother in GA once she found out it could cause issues with her being so far along, so she had decided to stay a few hours out to visit her children she lost custody of a long time ago. Our last talk was about finally getting an induction date from her doctor and our plans to catch up pre-baby.

That was the Friday before thanksgiving and neither I nor her case worker have heard from her since. My friends and family keep telling me to be positive and maybe she's so carried away with her holiday visit that she forgot her phone or ran out of minutes. I want to think that positive about all of this, but her due date is in three days, and still no word. If she's chosen to parent, I'm glad for her even if it breaks my heart and I drove two days to get here, but I just don't like being in limbo.

Ugh.

Dr.Loretta · December 2013

Unfortunately there's no way to tell. Maybe she's spending some alone time before she places. Maybe something happened. I'll be thinking of you.

ABMomofBBx3 · December 2013

I'm thinking of you. Limbo is horrible

[Deleted User] · December 2013

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plus12012 · December 2013

That is definitely a tough situation. I can tell you that our birth mom stopped contact about a week or two out from our adoption worker and from us and I was freaked out. But, she really needed that time to get herself together emotionally and prepare herself for what was coming. Hopefully, that's where your B-Mom stands.

MrsMuenich · December 2013

I mean, you totally could be, but being a BM is an extremely stressful process. It wouldn't surprise me if she just wanted space too. When I was a BM I was nearly clueless on how scary it was for APs; I didn't know to keep in good contact (to the point where I'm not sure if I did or not; I just wasn't paying attention) or to reassure them of my confidence in my decision. So, you know, it could be and it couldn't. At least you'll know in a few days. Ts & Ps for your heart (and hers) during this time.

daniandbri · December 2013

Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

IRR · December 2013

Just stay calm and you won't know until you know. Our EM was uncommunicative during the holidays too, turns out her charger wasn't working and she couldn't use her phone. She is due any day now and we are on pins and needles too. We have been through 2 failed adoptions. A year ago today was the WORST day of my life when after spending 3 days at the hospital with a baby that was suppose to be our daughter the EM changed her mind 20 minutes before we were getting ready to leave the hospital. The car was packed and we had to return everything we had just bought. I know the pain and if it happens you will get through it, but it totally sucks. Hang in there and don't count anything out until you know for sure.

hopeby2015 · December 2013

I hope you hear from her soon! Hopefully its just what the op's have said and its nothing to worry about!

CaptainSerious · December 2013

Thinking of you as you wait.

TonyaAU · December 2013

Thank you everyone for the support. Unfortunately, my caseworker finally got in touch with the doctors office (after no answer on any emergency contacts) and all they could tell her is that she gave birth last Friday when she was supposed to be out of town visiting family. Ugh, I wish she could have at least told someone - even if it was a text. I feel like she had been lying to me these past few weeks when we talked.

erinmc1 · December 2013

I'm so sorry. The not knowing is so stressful, but when it results in bad news, it hurts, even when you've been preparing yourself for the worst.

maryoosa · December 2013

That's terrible. I'm so sorry.

hey_its_jenn · December 2013

I am so, so sorry! We are here for you when you need someone to talk to. Positive thoughts for you and the baby!

Dr.Loretta · December 2013

I'm so sorry

CaptainSerious · December 2013

I'm so sorry.

Ihope · December 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this sending t & p your way

IRR · December 2013

No words, just sending a HUGE ((((HUG)))) your way. Take the proper time to grieve.

MagickalNarwhal · December 2013

Wow, I really sorry to hear this was the outcome for you. I will be thinking of you. Take very good care of yourself.

sumati · December 2013

oh no! I'm so sorry.

TonyaAU · December 2013

Thanks again, ladies. I had to take a break from the boards for a while but I'm regaining my joy and confidence with the whole adoption process day by day. I've been moved to the agency's emergency list for "baby born" situations which is good because I'm now very gunshy about getting close with a BM again.

Karen1024 · December 2013

Not to be a major buzzkill here and I really hope its just a case of an EM deciding to raise her child but this could be an adoption scam. Some women will match with several birth parents in different states at the same time. Sometimes they will match knowing they want to keep the baby. Our fraudulent birth mom had a regular M.O. of disappearing a week or two before the due date. It seems like this is becoming more common and as a victim I feel compelled to spread the word. Either way it sucks and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! I've been there three times but DD was worth it!

TonyaAU · January 2014

Not a buzzkill at all. I had the same thoughts, but everything happens for a reason. Just last night I travelled to St Louis for a baby born situation for a baby girl. Blizzard aside, everything is going smoothly. I'm still being cautiously happy until papers are signed tomorrow.

IdigDirt · January 2014

Thinking of you and your little girl. Sending all my "things that are meant to happen will happen with the best possible outcome for TanyaAU" vibes your way.

TonyaAU · January 2014

Thank you @IdigDirt! Went to the courthouse yesterday for custody transfer so it's official! I never thought I would see the day where I enjoyed a sleepless night

now just waiting for ICPC so we can head home

MagickalNarwhal · January 2014

That's great news!!

pleasebeonsale · January 2014

Awesome!

bumpuser794640 · January 2014

Congrats! Enjoy your new LO.

sumati · January 2014

Congrats!!

adoptmommy · January 2014

Congrats! I'm so excited for you!! Enjoy the snuggles & laughs

maryoosa · January 2014

Congrats!

IRR · January 2014

Awesome, congrats!

annalisel · January 2014

Congratulations! Enjoy this time bonding with your new little girl.

msditz00 · January 2014

Congrats!!!

daniandbri · January 2014

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! THATS GREAT NEWS!

TonyaAU · January 2014

Thanks again everyone! It was definitely a crazy experience. I was working Saturday when I got the call asking how quick I could get to St Louis for a baby girl born the night before. Needless to say I got there pretty fast lol.