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Mentally ill grandma

Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
in Single Parents
My mom has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was committed a couple of time (once with ect). She has something else in addition/instead of that-maybe schizophrenia? She's always had lapses in memory and problems staying with reality. Of course she won't take medication or see anyone. But I guess who can blame her if she had shock treatments in the 60s.

As an adult I've learned not to talk directly about anything being wrong with her and to just ignore her when she's being super weird. I kind of have to keep a relationship with her because my little brother is her caretaker and he's autistic so it would be really unfair to leave it all to him.

The point to my post: Its really hard to deal with her when she's being crazy about my pregnancy. She'll take something normal I've said and twist it around in her fantasies and then give me strange advice.

Plus I'm having trauma flashbacks about her weirdness being a "Mother" (she always capitalizes that word). It's ruining some normal mom experiences for me-like I'm terrified to breastfeed because she BF me until I was five and my little brother until he was six or seven. I was a teenager when she BF my little brother and it messed me up seeing her walk around with her boobs hanging out and my brother still nursing. She also didnt try to potty train him until he was around five.

Should I go to counseling before my baby's born or are these things going to work themselves out when I experience them myself? I don't know if my anxiety about these things is normal or not.

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Re: Mentally ill grandma

  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member
    I would definitely seek counseling. It's something I wish I had done before DS was born, because I have my own baggage that is really affecting the way I parent and my attitude towards parenting. It's something I hope to start up once I can fit it into my schedule and budget. 

    Also, while extended breastfeeding may not be the norm in the US (and less so when we were kids), it is the norm throughout the rest of the world. I am not saying you are wrong for feeling the way you do about your mom exposing her breasts or seeing your 7 year old brother (which is pretty old) breastfeed by any means. I would suggest maybe reading some articles about extended breastfeeding and looking at some images of other women from other places breastfeeding their children beyond infancy. I might help normalize the concept a little for you internally, and perhaps soothe some of the confusion and distress you might be experiencing about it. 

    One of the ladies on my BMB wrote this article awhile back, but shared it with us recently in a thread about BF. Maybe it'll help?


    I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. All the pregnancy hormones can really affect us on many levels, especially if we experienced trauma in childhood. I know that happened with me, and moved me to cut off contact entirely with my family of origin. It makes becoming a mom - and I hate to say it, but especially becoming a single mom - that much more of a struggle. 

    Hang in there, mama. Every day is a chance to transcend the crap in our childhoods that could so easily bring us down. You can do it. 



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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    I think every one could benefit from speaking to a counselor. I see one once every two weeks. In your case, I think it could really help if you're afraid of not being a "normal" mom
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    I agree with counceling. Ive been in and out of counceling since i was sixteen for various issues in my past.

    Je+suis has some great points about breast feeding. Im not trying to minimize how you felt and feel at all. They are legitamite feelings and emotions.

    Just remember you are your lo parents. If you go see a councelor you can do better for your lo because you will know better how to fight your deamons.

    And were always here for support. Ive learned having a good support system in place is one of the best things for you.

    Hugs momma
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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    Thanks you guys. Your responses and that article made me see that although I intellectually agree with all those points, my feelings are the same. I guess that's why I'm so upset about it. If I didn't think it was important to BF I would just not do it and feel fine.

    Ill make an appointment tomorrow. Maybe a counselor can help me work through some of it before my son arrives.

    Thank you!
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Im glad that your going to see a councelor. I think it will help you move past traumas
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