Not sure how to feel :/

tigerlynx31413 · January 2014

I'm not too sure how I should feel. I found out on Tuesday that I was pg, but after a 48 blood screening discovered that my hGc levels on Tuesday were 161 and by Thursday were down to 150. To be honest I had no clue I could be pg because I had a normal period back in early December. Four days after I finished I started spotting after sex. This spotting lasted for almost two weeks before I called my gyn. Considering everything, it was a shock to hear that my urine test came back positive. I still don't know how far along I was. I could have been 3 weeks or 6 weeks. I stopped spotting as of yesterday. I am disappointed that it has happened, but my Dr. even told me that had I not gone to see them to find out I was pg I would never have really known I miscarried. I go back in on Wednesday to do follow-up blood work. My DH and I were not trying yet, but were planning to soon (our DD is almost 10 months and we were going to try by her 1st birthday). I guess I just feel guilty that I don't know how I should really feel since I had no expectations yet of being pg. Sorry for the ramble.

AbbyBarnesRN · January 2014

Losing a pregnancy is painful, regardless of how far along you were or how long you knew you were pregnant. It is totally normal to feel sad, even if you weren't expecting to be pregnant. It's also normal to feel confused about how you SHOULD be feeling. I struggled a lot with guilt after both my miscarriages...the few moments of joy I was able to carve out made me feel bad, because I was so deeply sad about the loss, but trying so hard to maintain some sense of normalcy for my other children. Talking about it can help, but you will find some people are more understanding than others. You may also be surprised just how many couples have gone through this pain...sadly you are most definitely not alone. I wrote in my journal a lot. I sometimes found it hard to share my feelings with my husband because both times he was still adjusting to the idea of me being pregnant, and reacted with such a seemingly cool attitude that it made me feel like he wasn't taking my pain seriously. Now I am pregnant again and very anxious, and having a hard time getting some people to understand why I am not simply overjoyed about being pregnant. Every day is filled with worry, constantly wondering if everything will be ok. In the end I just have to take it one day (or sometimes one hour or one minute!) at a time and try to focus on my living children and everything I have to be grateful for, and this strategy is what helped me get through the losses as well. I suggest you don't ignore any feelings of grief that might come up, but embrace and work through them. It will make things a little easier when you do decide to try again. But be warned, knowing you've had a miscarriage makes it harder to go through your next pregnancy with the blissfully ignorant assumption that everything will be fine, as women who have never experienced a loss seem to be able to do. Message boards like this can be a helpful way to connect with other women who have been through the same thing; they are much more likely to identify with the way you are feeling, and much less likely to inadvertently make insensitive comments like "don't be sad, you can always have another baby!" that will no doubt leave you feeling worse than ever...good luck, and do whatever you can to take good care of yourself right now!

tigerlynx31413 · January 2014

Thank you so much! I'm still not sure about my feelings, but I'm not hiding them when I am sad. I'm going to try the journaling and see how that helps. I appreciate your feedback! This is my first known miscarriage so it's very new to me.

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