Reasonable contact with baby when sick

Re: Reasonable contact with baby when sick

• [Deleted User] member

  January 2014

  I'm the same way. Stand up to your in laws. Your baby, your rules. I know my son hasn't had a flu shot yet, so I don't need him getting the flu to build his immunity. No way!

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• redhead610 member

  January 2014

  Nope. No people with a known illness go near the baby. Common sense. You cannot prevent everything, because germs are everywhere, but if you know you are sick, stay away! It is more than okay to say no to someone when they want to hold the baby.

   

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• atlvol member

  January 2014

  That is ridiculous. Tell her to STFU and take your baby and leave.

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• karen0477 member

  January 2014

  No, no, no....I'm not one for keeping my kids in a bubble, but I think it's extremely selfish of someone to bring any illness around a baby!! This flu season seems to be hitting especially hard, so no way in hell I want them being around someone I know is sick....I think you're going to have to stand your ground with them ......

  Karen - 36      DH - 39

  

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• Stina2012 member

  January 2014

  LadyBlue07 said:

  Take your baby back and leave. Blame it on the pediatrician.

  This.

  

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• NewbieMomie member

  January 2014

  Heck no that's not ok! What is wrong with your MIL?? I agree with PPS, stand up to her and stand your ground. Ask her if she's going to take sick time when someone has to be home with a sick baby!!

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• Dubs1978 member

  January 2014

  The Flu KILLS people. Like healthy adult people. To expose your LO to what could be flu is crazy on their part. Your LO will gain exposure naturally. Bringing over sick people for a "sick party" is not natural. Tell them to keep their crazy and sickness at home.
  
  I am all for building immunity, but since my LO started daycare Nov 1 she has been healthy SIX days. No sick people are coming through my door.
  

  
  
  

  
  

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• summerchild member

  January 2014

  Thanks ladies! I knew I wasn't crazy. It's so weird but the whole family seems to have that opinion! They constantly tell me that its better for him and will make him healthier. Even when he was under two months! I was very direct that it wasn't ok and am constantly having to grab my baby back and tell them no. Then they start going overboard and saying: "ooohhh don't let the baby anywhere near X person or share air space". B* please! It's all so passive aggressive. I just thought Id ask in case there is a group of ppl who might share their opinions on why intentional exposure is a good thing.

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• summerchild member

  January 2014

  LadyBlue07 said:

  Take your baby back and leave. Blame it on the pediatrician.

  She doesn't care about the pediatrician. She thinks she knows better than doctor recommendations because doctors are just afraid of getting sued and babies have survived since the ice ages in worst conditions

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• merc5411 member

  January 2014

  I'm not overprotective about LO being around germs.  I know I can't stop every germ from getting to him.  But I would be PISSED if that happened.  You don't have to stay home and live in a bubble, but you don't have to be irresponsible either.  ("you" in the general sense, not actually you). 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• NKF312 member

  January 2014

  100% no! Sorry she is making you question yourself, no sick people around baby ( psh I don't even want sick people around me)

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• karen0477 member

  January 2014

  Sharkababy said:

  LadyBlue07 said:

  Take your baby back and leave. Blame it on the pediatrician.

  She doesn't care about the pediatrician. She thinks she knows better than doctor recommendations because doctors are just afraid of getting sued and babies have survived since the ice ages in worst conditions

  I think in this case you really just need to stand your ground....I've said it before, there will be many, many things in your parenting future you have to stand up for, it's best to start practicing now....good luck, sounds like it might be tough.....
  
  

  Karen - 36      DH - 39

  

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• theuntaggablek member

  January 2014

  They are crazy and you are right. It is stupid to be around others when they're sick, and not healthy or polite to encourage sick relatives to sneeze on your baby.
  
  Since you asked (and I'm a nerd), in the 1950s, before there was a vaccine for measles and mumps, parents with sick kids hosted measles parties to try to get their kids exposed to the disease. When Susie got sick, her parents would invite friends so they'd be exposed to Susie's germs. A quick Google search shows chicken pox parties have gained popularity among the antivax crowd in recent years. I don't know if your in laws long for childrearing if the 1950s or antivaxers, but those are the subpopulations that might think it was anything but stupid to parade the baby in the sick ward.

  
  

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• Dubs1978 member

  January 2014

  Well the key to those parties was exposure to someone with a very mild strain. The idea had been in practice for a long time. They would gather around someone with a mild smallpox strain on hope of catching the milder form. But in today's world where we have vaccines for so many things there is no reason to get sick.
  
  Wow did I just drag a dead horse in? Sorry!

  
  
  

  
  

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• valstulas member

  January 2014

  Your ILs are being douches.  Your kid will be exposed to enough just by being in the community.  There's no need to look for opportunities to build his immune system.  In fact, it's actually pretty risky to bring a baby around a sick child with a fever.

  
  

  

   

   

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• Bmore721 member

  January 2014

  I am generally a pretty laid back parent (my dog licks my kid, and I'm like, meh), but I would be livid (steam out the ears furious) if anyone tried to undermine my authority or intentionally expose my kid to an illness.
  
  You are LO's parent. You. Not your ILs. And as a parent, you have to protect your child from danger. Even if that means giving your ILs dagger eyes or limiting visits until they respect your wishes. The flu can be deadly, so do not be afraid to let a little "momma bear" show. Good luck, OP!

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• summerchild member

  January 2014

  ken&kendra said:

  They are crazy and you are right. It is stupid to be around others when they're sick, and not healthy or polite to encourage sick relatives to sneeze on your baby.
  
  Since you asked (and I'm a nerd), in the 1950s, before there was a vaccine for measles and mumps, parents with sick kids hosted measles parties to try to get their kids exposed to the disease. When Susie got sick, her parents would invite friends so they'd be exposed to Susie's germs. A quick Google search shows chicken pox parties have gained popularity among the antivax crowd in recent years. I don't know if your in laws long for childrearing if the 1950s or antivaxers, but those are the subpopulations that might think it was anything but stupid to parade the baby in the sick ward.

  I actually think that is the case! They did express concern over "over vaccinating" the baby and how unnecessary it was and it actually cause worse diseases. Then they talked about how when they were young their parents sent them to get chicken pox if some kid had it.
  
  Fine, if that's how they want to live but not my baby. I just hate the "well we survived so its a good parenting choice" argument.

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• summerchild member

  January 2014

  lizabethann06 said:

  As a mother of a 6 month old with influenza who is currently laying across my chest moaning in her sleep with a 103 fever- you can never, ever be too careful. Trust your instincts. You are not overreacting.

  . T&p's!!! My heart breaks for her. The flu sucks!

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• theuntaggablek member

  January 2014

  Oh geez. Well if they're antivax chicken pox party-throwers who distrust the medical establishment, you've got an uphill battle. I
  agree with pp that you should try to make sure dh is with you and ally with him in dealing with his family.
  
  I'm generally a pick your battles with family person, but this is a fight worth fighting. Protecting a child from sickness is a sound and prudent thing to do.

  
  

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• summerchild member

  January 2014

  Dccornel said:

  Is your dh on your side? Kind of sounds as if he is not and you two need to be. Have the pedi explain to HIM if needed. He needs to start backing you up and helping you combat his family. The two of you are raising this child and he is a jerk face if he is letting this slide.

  DH ignores his family most times, so he goes in a corner or away from the "action" so to speak. He has stood up in the past about the sleeping on stomach issue. Last night, when I told him what was going on, he said, "I don't think they necessarily are thinking they want to bring the baby around a sick person on purpose, they are just stupid and aren't thinking about it at all." When I explained that I had multiple convos with his mom and aunts about their opinions on "exposure", he said that they are idiots but he doesn't think they want to get DS sick on purpose.
  
  In my assessment, between their actions and the discussions that follow, it seems to me that if its a relative or friend who is sick they think it is ok and even preferable to bring baby around to build his immune system. BUT Maybe they are just really idiots and think, hey so-and-so is not feeling well, let's take the baby over to cheer that person up?! Either way, there have been at least 3 separate instances this season where I had to draw the line and run an interference. The third time, I realized it was a pattern and brought it up to DH.
  
  His way of dealing with his mom is straight up telling her off right then and there, versus taking baby and dealing with it in a mature convo. He says its the only way his mom will listen and he's sick of putting up with her BS. I wanted to avoid a scene since it was his Grandpa's 85'th bday.
  
  It seems the general J 13 consensus is actively sick people, relatives and friends included, shouldn't hold or be around babies to the extent it can be avoided. Obviously, if parents or siblings are sick you do what you can, but it isn't unreasonable to keep the baby away from a person (even a relative or friend) who is actively ill.
  
  Does it matter if you are a FTM or BTDT mom? Because when I posed the same scenario to my coworker with 3 kids and her youngest also a J13'er, she said "you'll relax about that stuff when you have more kids"
  
  
  

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• ljs4117 member

  January 2014

  ...no. Wtaff?? I'd scream if someone purposefully took LO around sick people. I'm absolutely terrified of the flu. I don't think this is a matter of FTM or BTDT. It's a matter of not taking serious illnesses seriously. It's stupidity.
  
  And @lizabethann06 I'm in tears thinking about your poor little girl. I hope she has a speedy recovery.

  Our little Sweetpea 

  
  

  
  

  BFP #1 04/27/12 | blighted ovum, m/c 05/30/12 @ ?? weeks, D&C 06/01/12 BFP #2 11/06/12 | DD born 07/10/13 BFP #3 10/07/13

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• Hilaboo86 member

  January 2014

  My family says ignorant shit like this too. I just keep her the hell away when they are sick. Make excuses blah blah. I'm a bitch when it comes to LO though.

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• Clyde013 member

  January 2014

  I didn't read all responses but you are not stepping a foot into this house if you are sick. Fuck no you are not welcome. Come back later but neither baby nor mama need to be sick. Stay away.

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