First day back at work...More than just the blues. Full fledged anxiety attack occurring

danielleacole · January 2014

Today was first day back at work. DD is 4months old so I've been lucky to have this long with her. I knew it would be hard, but not this hard. I cried a lot all day which I expected. But since being home, where I thought I'd be happy, I am even worse. I think just thinking about tomorrow (and every day after). To the point where I cried inconsolably for awhile, and am now suffering an all out anxiety attack. Nausea, shaking, the works. Ugh!! Please tell me it gets better! To make my anxiety worse, my supply was way down when I pumped today, prob due to being away from her and the anxiety. And what really just set me over the edge was she woke to nurse, and I couldn't. She tried and tried and must not have been getting anything, so freaked out. That has never happened before. I had to get a bottle from the fridge. My freezer supply is going to dwindle quickly at this rate. Sorry...sob story over. But Did anyone have quite this rough a time transitioning back?? Or am I a total basket case?

laurakaz13 · January 2014

wife07mom09 said:

Going back is hard. Crying is normal. That said if you are having a panic attack it is a little excessive. I'd talk to your ob about pp anxiety. It can occur up to first year. And if you are stressed your supply will suffer. You can do this. It will get easier but for me even 4 yes later it is still hard. Get some help give yourself some time to adjust and have dh help too

I was a bit sad, but I also agree that a full out panic attack is excessive. I would talk to your OB as well.

It does get much easier. Lots of women ask this question, but they're usually just a bit sad. Not crying uncontrollably. Time to talk to someone.

djm31012 · January 2014

Oh i know that feeling! Never had a full on panic attack...but definitely cried when I first came back. Also told my husband I wanted to sell our house so I can stay home haha. The truth of the matter is....it never gets easy, but it gets easier. you need to give yourself a solid 3 months to get into a good routine. Make the most of your nights and weekends and use all your PTO to be with your LO. At night, i come home and from 6-730 my night is all about DS. I eat/do dishes/clean/iron all after he goes to bed. Its hard, but its manageable and it gets easier. Give yourself time and like PP said ask for help where needed.

thedash · January 2014

Looking back I am pretty sure I developed PPD after I went back to work after my first. I wish I had gotten help but I thought I was just having a hard time going back to work and that it was normal. It was a rough time for my marriage and interfered with breast feeding. Please call your doctor for help. I wish I had.

litzo27 · January 2014

It does get easier! Much, much easier! The PP addressed most of what I was going to say so I will only add that you HAVE to try to relax for the feedings. When I have had issues letting down or baby had issues with nursing strikes we tried nursing in the bath or the shower: usually it relaxed both of us enough to get going well. Also having half a glass of wine while nursing is totally fine (if something like wine helps you relax). Try nursing a couple of extra times in the evening/night/morning. Your supply will adjust to all-day pumping soon. Also for the first several weekends do nothing but spend time with baby - don't clean, cook, go-out, etc. if you can. Spend some $ to have help with those things and just focusing on getting 100% one on one time. After several weeks it will be much easier.

jf198400 · January 2014

If you are having trouble nursing try taking a hot shower first or massaging with a hot washcloth. If you didn't pump a lot you may be developing a clogged duct, so heat and massage will help with that. It also may just be the stress. Try to stay calm, sit and rock with your baby and focus on her warm little body, the way she smells, the softness of her skin. Don't think about work when you are nursing. When pumping at work- look at a picture of your baby, bring a blanket or something with her smell, massage while you pump. This will help with your output. Also make sure you are staying well hydrated and pumping frequently enough.

It is natural to be sad, but if it is extreme, speak with your doctor. Ask for help with things like cooking and cleaning so you can focus your time at home on your LO. I found cosleeping helped me to feel closer with my baby and helped with BFing and I was less exhausted. Tiredness contributes to depression so do your best to get as much sleep as you can. I always had DH take care of middle of the night diaper changes so I didn't have to get out of bed. I can tell you it definitely gets easier over time. As your children get older they stay awake more so you get more time together. It's still not easy, but it is a million times easier than when they were infants. Good luck to you and again don't be afraid to ask for help.

mexicolombiana · January 2014

It sounds like you might need some help coping, good luck. It does get better.

GrantHenson · January 2014

I totally hated going back and still do. I have been back since the beginning of October. It does get easier in regards to the crying and anxiety but is very very hard. I suggest looking up an exercise called 4-7-8 breathing great for anxiety...I do it almost daily. I also thought that it would be hard but not this hard...has me seriously considering if there are other ways. Such as part time and or working from home. I am very lucky did not have to go back till my daughter was one....couldnt imagine at 4 months. Ask for help, trust your gut and take care of yourself.

In regards to breastfeeding I also had a hard time with pumping so now she just nurses at home when we can and in the bath is a great option.

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First day back at work...More than just the blues. Full fledged anxiety attack occurring

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