I'm shaken up and pissed

ASmallWonder · January 2014

DH just called to say that my SIL (his brother's wife) was in an accident this morning and totaled the car. She's ok, thank God but the accident was caused by her falling asleep at the wheel. Why? Because she's a nurse who does overnights and she adamantly refuses to arrange adequate care for their two kids so she can sleep. They have a babysitter who comes for only a few hours while she attempts to sleep (mind you, their master is on the first floor so she can hear the kids the entire time so she's not even really sleeping). This isn't her first sleep related accident either. A few months ago she dozed off and hit the guardrail on the highway on her way home. Jesus FUCK. She could be KILLED! (or kill someone else) I'm literally shaking over this.

She has two sisters who live nearby and my BIL was really pushing to ask them for more help (they're willing). She told him that doing that makes her feel like a failure as a mother. Jesus fuck x2. Those sweet babies and my BIL need my (awesome) SIL alive. I told DH that his brother needs to take a stand and guide that family to sanity. I don't normally say that one person needs to run a family but in this case, I believe he does. I'm sick over it.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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FordFalcor · January 2014

Oh my. Yes, something has to change now.

Her biggest failure as a mother would be losing her life in a (mostly) preventable way.

I hope they make some serious adjustments after this.

((Hugs)) deep breaths, lady.

RissNRuss · January 2014

Ugggggh asking for help/accepting help is not failing! I hope your BIL puts his foot down and gets her to come to reason- for the longevity of their family and her job!

LiLi23 · January 2014

Holy cow. This scares the crap out of me bc there have been more times than I'd like to admit that I've been nervous to drive home bc I'm so tired. I have taken to driving home with a coffee for the past couple months. But shit, that's so scary. I hope she stops being so stubborn and letting others help her! Hugs, girl.

BC&LM · January 2014

Steamboat1679 said:

That is ridiculous. Not only could she hurt someone driving, but what if she provides improper care as a nurse? She could easily kill her patient. That is so dangerous.

This is what I was going to say. I would be just as worried about her administering the wrong dose of medication as getting in an accident. She needs to wake up (no pun intended) and smell the roses.

cafecreme · January 2014

Thank god shes safe, and her kids weren't in the car with her! She needs someone to take the kids out of the house for a few hours- every weekday!!

ASmallWonder · January 2014

I just don't get it. People need at LEAST 6 hours of sleep every night (and shit, they really need more). Just because her sleep happens during the day doesn't make her immune to the same biological needs we all have. I get that she wants to be with her kids but their life choices don't allow for that right now so she needs to live in the reality of what is and stay safe and keep everyone around her safe. She has a mom and two sisters with kids who are older and I hope that once they hear what happened they really do an intervention with her. Unfortunately, we're not close (though we get along) so for right now, I'm leaving it up to her closest family and my BIL to knock some sense in to her and will get updates from DH.

KellenHi21 · January 2014

I hope major changes are made and that she accepts help. So glad she's ok.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

NurseMommy13 said:

I'm completely guilty of working overnight, only getting 3 hours of sleep, and then having to get up with LO. 99% of the time we don't go anywhere and I nap when she naps. If I drive, it's just across town to my mom's, so I can nap while they watch her. I'm not someone who can fall asleep anywhere, especially a car (even as a passenger) so I don't worry about the short drive. Having said that, when I have to return to work, I do send LO to the sitter so I can sleep. But it still sucks. Which is why I'm so glad to be able to finally go to days soon. So glad your SIL is ok! It is very scary. I normally grab and cup of ice and munch on it all the way home on mornings that I'm super tired, just for something to do!

She's got two kids though, which is even harder. I try not to rub her nose in it but the hard fact is that, because she's so tired, the kids don't get out and don't get exposure to things. I know she thinks she's doing the best she can but I honestly 100% believe that they need to be in daycare or will a FT nanny. She's trying to be a SAHM AND a working mom and you just can't do both well and in her case, she can't do both safely.

GingerBabyTX · January 2014

I'm so sad that she feels the need to be both (a SAHM and a WM) so much so that she's endangering her own health & safety as well as the health & safety of those around her.

I'm very glad she's okay, and I hope that your DH's husband can help her realize that that's not what makes a great mom.

flerlgirl · January 2014

omg, I'm glad she is okay, but she can't keep going like this. FX that she realizes the need for extra help after this.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

And on top of this, I've got to convince them that their car seats both need replacing before either kid rides in the car again. That'll probably go over like a lead balloon since I've given them data on no BundleMes (they use it), straps can't be too loose (the almost hang off), no strap covers (again, in use) and how their kids can't forward face at 1 (oldest was switched ASAP at 1). Ugh.

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