when/how to go to bed?

Emeraldeyed315 · January 2014

LO naps in her PNP during the day no problem. At night, she cosleeps with me in bed. I can't seem to put her to sleep in bed or the PNP at a "good" bedtime for a baby though. I try following her tired cues. We do a bath, book and then bedtime but unless I go to bed too she won't fall asleep and just cries. If I let her stay in my arms she falls asleep. Is this a bad routine to be in (the falling asleep in arms instead of in bed/pnp?) I love cosleeping, but would like time at night to reconnect with my husband and unwind too. How does your nightime routine work if you cosleep? Any tips to help her be happy sleeping in the room by herself?

Emerald27 · January 2014

DS takes a bath, gets a clean diaper and jammies, brushes teeth (with assistance), reads a book with daddy, and then I sing him a lullabye and nurse in bed until he falls asleep. I wait 5 mins or so, until he's deeply asleep, and then I slip away for time with DH.

There's nothing "wrong" with her falling asleep in your arms. It's only a problem if you don't like it. And if you don't like it, you should change it. If it doesn't bother you, then it's fine.

Everyone has sleep associations. The easy one for babies and toddlers is nursing or being rocked to sleep. For adults it's having blankets just right, sometimes having a fan running or reading a chapter of a book - conditions must be just so for us to fall asleep easily. It's natural and normal to have sleep associations, so with our babies, we can allow them the natural sleep associations they prefer, or if it's inconvenient we can try to help them develop different sleep associations, like having their back rubbed, a pacifier, or singing.

You might be able to lay with DD until she falls asleep and then slip away.

jesuisfatiguee · January 2014

I bedshare with DS, but he goes to bed before I do. We do our bedtime routine and then I lay down in the dark with him (with some white noise going) and nurse him until he finally settles and falls asleep, then I barricade him with pillows and sneak out. Sometimes it takes 20 minutes, sometimes it takes an hour (or anywhere in between), but it works for us pretty well at this point. I think I had a harder time getting him to sleep and stay asleep without comfort nursing before he was 6 or 7 months old, though. It just took time for us. He also didn't really establish a bedtime until about 7 months, which is anywhere between 6:30 on "school nights" and 7:30 on weekends/holidays, because he naps a lot less at daycare during the week than when I'm home with him.

nosoup4u · January 2014

I laid next to/nursed my kids until they were 18+ mos. I still lie next to DS2 while he falls asleep, tho he sleeps in his own bed now. When they were too little to roll, I would rock and nurse them and then lay them down on our bed to sleep, and then eventually would put them in their crib after they fell asleep nursing. Whatever worked, some nights it would be onnourbbed, even when they were bigger. Don't stress about the how!

SidraJedi · January 2014

There are some nights that I can get DD to sleep and then sneak away and some nights that she is up until I get to bed too. I just roll with the punches. I don't do/feel the same thing every night. I don't expect her to either.

musicalmama5 · January 2014

I see by your ticker that you LO is 5 months, which (if I'm remembering right) was a weird time for us too, sleepwise. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about creating bad habits or any of that.

I totally understand needing time for yourself and with your DH. Have you tried letting her fall asleep in your arms and then slowly getting into a position where you're lying next to her (possibly still latched) and then slowly slip away?

Emeraldeyed315 · January 2014

musicalmama5 said:

I see by your ticker that you LO is 5 months, which (if I'm remembering right) was a weird time for us too, sleepwise. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about creating bad habits or any of that.

I totally understand needing time for yourself and with your DH. Have you tried letting her fall asleep in your arms and then slowly getting into a position where you're lying next to her (possibly still latched) and then slowly slip away?

Thats what I try every night haha. I nurse her downstairs and wait awhile while she is sleeping to put her down. I even tried using a hot pack to warm her bed before I put her down, but she still awoke when I laid her flat.

A PP mentioned nursing in a dark room...I think I need to try nursing her to sleep side laying in our bed instead of downstairs. I will give that a try tonight. Thank you for all your help!

ReeceFamily · January 2014

DD always fall asleep in my arms/at my breast, and I've decided to just go with it until she outgrows it. We get jammies on, brush teeth, read books, then nurse - always in our bed. As she gets older (she's almost 1 now), there are more nights when I can slip away and go do my thing. If not, I stay with her and read or websurf on my phone or my laptop. It's kind of nice, and I get a ton of reading done.

This Sunday, I did our night-time routine, she fell asleep nursing on our bed, and then I brought her down the the family room and she slept in my arms while I watched Downton Abbey. It was lovely, I haven't really watched t.v. in ages.

Emerald27 · January 2014

@ReeceFamily I love Downton! What did you think of S4 Ep.1?!

youenjoymyself · January 2014

I nurse and rock my baby to sleep every single night. She's 10 months old. Once she's done nursing and asleep, we move to the bed. Sometimes she wakes and nurses back to sleep, sometimes she rolls away from me and continues to snooze. This routine leaves me with little time to myself or with my husband, but it works for us.

Emerald27 · January 2014

@jennylyna If you wait several minutes, will she fall deeply enough asleep that you can slip away for a half hour or so with DH? My DS had trouble staying asleep when I would get up, but I always returned to him quickly when he woke and then stayed with him. Over the course of a week or two, he would sleep longer without me there by his side.

Now he is in his own bed next to ours, and he sleeps up to 3 hours by himself at night before waking for me. This allows me to have time with DH and sleep a bit in my own bed with lots of room before I need to move down to his bed.

ReeceFamily · January 2014

Emerald27 said:

@ReeceFamily I love Downton! What did you think of S4 Ep.1?!

I know, right? I actually kind of had trouble getting into it, I think they haven't hit their stride yet. I think things will pick up when the new love appears in Mary's life?! I'm also excited for Sherlock, it's a good month on PBS

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youenjoymyself · January 2014

@Emerald27 You know, I'm not sure what would happen if I were to try to leave her. I've never really tried. I think I'm selfish with my sleep. Going to bed with her at 7:30 or 8 ensures that I get plenty of sleep. Her sleep is so erratic and different every night. While I would LOVE to have some alone time with my husband, I also treasure every hour of sleep I can get!

Emerald27 · January 2014

I totally understand, @jennylyna! I'd probably jus go to bed when DS does, except that DH really needs one on one time with me. Since I've asked him to understand that I don't want to leave DS overnight while he's so young, and all getaways are family ones, I try to respect and indulge his need for some alone time in the evenings. There are lots of nights when I go to sleep with DS, but at least a few times a week, I go spend time with DH after DS has gone to bed.

Aubs0009 · January 2014

We usually nurse in bed. DD usually gets drowsy during this time. I will put her swaddled in the co sleeper and she usually falls asleep shortly after.

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