Community› The Bump Month Clubs› February 2013 Moms
February 2013 Moms
New Discussion

A Moment of Truth (Long)

Drea926Drea926 member
in February 2013 Moms

There were many "crunchy" things I wanted to do as a mom. I wanted to BF for at least 6 months. I wanted to have DS sleep in our room for at least 3 months. I wanted to baby wear more. Well, best laid plans right?

My troubles with nursing caused major anxiety and almost spiraled me into full on depression. I know stopping was the best choice but the whole issue is something I still have trouble coming to terms with.

DS was the noisiest baby in the world, so when we experimented one night with him in his room that plan got changed as well. He also could roll at 2 months and became increasingly mobile from there. Wearing him was not his cup of tea. Another idea I had in my head gone.

Before I became a mother I thought these were the "correct" things to do and that if I didn't do them I would be a failure. So one by one when things didn't go accordingly that is the record I played in my head. "Failure, failure, failure."

This was the first 6-8 weeks of DS's life.

Now I am much more confident in my choices. I do feel good about myself and I will even say I think I am a great mother. But I am still sensitive about things. I don't want the "failure" record to play again. I've been doing a lot of self work about letting go of my "trying to be perfect", but it is a struggle.

This why I'd just prefer to have fun now. I'd like to move on from these topics and just enjoy. But I don't want to leave TB so I guess I will have to continue to work on myself.

If you've read this all the way through, thanks.

image

View Full Size Image    View Full Size Image



Report Reply to Post

Re: A Moment of Truth (Long)

  • musicalmama5musicalmama5 member
    I think you are an awesome mom!

    First off, about BFing, I'm really sorry that you had such a hard time. DS and I have had a super easy time nursing, so sometimes I forget that it's not like that for everyone. This part makes me the most sad about your post just because nursing has been one of my favorite things about being a mom so far. But if it wasn't like that for you, then I think you totally made the right decision. Happy mama = happy baby!

    As far as bedsharing goes, I can understand where you're coming from there as well. We had a period of time where I refused to bedshare because DS was so noisy/wiggly. But the the 4 month wakeful hit and bedsharing saved my life. But only because I was nursing and didn't have to move to tend to him. Would have been a different story if I was FF. 

    And DS didn't like to be worn much when he was a newb either. He still doesn't like it much unless we're walking. 

    And if you want to talk about expectations while your'e pregnant not being met once the baby arrives.... I read Babywise while I was pregnant and totally thought that I would do CIO and have DS on a super strict schedule and he'd be STTN by the time he was 2 months old. HA!
    image

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • djm31012djm31012 member

    I am with you. I had very realtisitic BF goals of 6 mos. The beginning was so easy for us. Then I got MRSA and battled drs until I finally took myself to the emergency room and got the diagnosis. THEN I battled lactation consultants who told me to "nurse through it." I am sorry..if you are telling me that eating broccoli will make my baby gassy, how can you say that taking 4 different antibiotics including 2 IV drips will not get passed through to my baby. Screw you i am NOT nursing thru it im done!  And so I stopped. I pumped and dumped until I dried up and when i was done i was HAPPY and FREE to have my husband do 2am feedings so I could sleep. I definitely got looks from people when I said I was relieved to be done, but thats ok...i knew that me being happy made me a better mom. I made it almost 3 mos, I wanted to go longer but it wasnt in the cards for us.

    I too am confident and proud of the mother I am. Do I make mistakes? Of course--I have never done this before and even if I had, there is no playbook that tells you what to do when. Its all based on your own personal judgment. My son is so loved and so cared for and so happy all of the time and to me, that means I win. If you co-sleep/babywear/cloth diaper/nurse til they are 5 and they are happy and loved...then you win too. I personally liked this board better when people asked questions like i still tend to do "Is my sons eating habits normal...what fever is too high....my daycare did this, is that ok?"  The arguing is so silly to me. Its an online forum of strangers! Who really cares if they do something different than you?! we are all rockstar moms because we all love our DDs and DSs endlessly and would walk the ends of the earth to keep them safe and healthy.

    end quote.

    Report Reply
  • RosebeanRosebean member
    I think what makes you an amazing mama was the ability to adapt to what worked for you and your kid. Our society puts out these markers that a new parent should meet to make us feel like we are doing the job the right way. But each family is so different it really should be celebrated for those differences. From my experience, I know I spent several months comparing my parenting choices to a friend with a baby born weeks after DS, and the day I let that go was the day I enjoyed my parenting more. And I am perfectly proud of my son, just the way he is. In my mind, talking to any new parent, I keep reminding myself that every parent has the right to make their decisions differently. There is no right or wrong, Just enjoy being a mama for all it's worth and be the best you can.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • 843andme843andme member
    I am SO glad that I was not a part of any online forum when I had my first child ( almost 7 years ago...yikes where does the time go?) I would have been up all night worrying (more than I already did) about my choices as a parent. These boards bombard you with different methods and opinions and I think I would have been one big ball of guilt and stress all the time. I can say I have done absolutely different things with each of my children. My first I breastfed only 5 months and he was out of our room by 5 months and NEVER slept in our bed. My second was basically the same. My third I breastfed until 9 months ( when I unexpectedly got pregnant with number 4) and I am still breastfeeding and bedsharing with her because it basically is easier right now for me. Honestly my kids I used "non crunchy" methods with are better sleepers by far and my bedsharers are all over the place with their sleep schedule. It is what it is...it will all work out and they will all be fine. I guess what I am trying to say is don't let heated debates on an online board make you feel like you should be doing something different than what you are already doing. If you hit a bump in the road, you and your family will figure it out, and your kiddo will be fine. Honestly, the first year of my first son's life, I would go to bed just happy he was in one piece and be proud of myself :P I kind of miss those days of being that naive, I had only one child to give my attention to and just did the best I could. It just seems harder and more stressful these days with all the information that constantly changes and is being thrown at mothers, and to be honest online posts and debates on controversial topics seem to just add to that stress. When I come on this forum, I like the light and fun stuff that makes me laugh. :)
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 
    "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
                         Mom to 3 wonderful boys( 6, 4, 20 months), and one little lady ( born 2/17).
    Report Reply
  • TarheelMama202TarheelMama202 member
    kleigh926 said:
    There is no "correct" way to do anything except making sure that your child is loved and cared for. If your baby is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter if he was breastfed or formula fed, just that he was fed. It doesn't matter if you cloth diaper or use disposables, just that he was clothed and diapered. It doesn't matter if he slept in your room or his room, just that he slept however it worked out best. It doesn't matter if you baby wear or not, just that you're both happy with however you choose to transport/hold him.

    You are not a failure because your best-laid plans didn't work out. You're succeeding because you realized that what you had planned wasn't working out, and you changed and adapted so that everyone is happier and better off. THAT is the closest to perfection that we're ever going to get as mothers :)


    View Full Size Image
    image
    BFP- 5/23/12 EDD- 1/23/13 DS born 2/2/13

    Baby BOY #2 coming in May!
    image



    Report Reply
  • TarheelMama202TarheelMama202 member
    Ah, I meant to quote Kleigh926 and say...

    I see you with that ticker change today! Moving up from poppyseed to appleseed! :)

    View Full Size Image
    image
    BFP- 5/23/12 EDD- 1/23/13 DS born 2/2/13

    Baby BOY #2 coming in May!
    image



    Report Reply
  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member

    I feel you on this, too. I have to fight off the "failure" recording, as well. What's worse is it's subconscious, too. When I find myself getting really overwhelmed at silly things (like an overly wakeful or fussy DS), if I take a moment to search internally for the real reason I'm upset, 95% of the time it's becasue I feel like a failure for not being able to soothe him or put him to sleep. Ridiculous.

    There are a lot of things I wanted for my child, even before I got KU that I am having to let go of. You do what you gotta do, you know?  You sound like a wonderful mom! It's a tough journey no matter which path you take - or maybe, no matter what path takes you ;) 




    image
    image

    Report Reply
  • DublinMamaDublinMama member
    Drea926 said:

    Thank you ladies. I really appreciate all the kind words and support.

    I guess I was in "pouring my heart out" sort of mood, but I'm glad some of you can see that I'm not always about wine and sex. ;-)

    But those are cool, too.  :P
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"