In-laws Visit

Demilo99 · January 2014

They want to fly in and stay with us the week baby is born. We live in a 2 bedroom apt. I generally cook and clean when they come over. I won't be able to and I want to nurse. Is this going to be really uncomfortable or should I welcome the extra hands?

Littlemama01 · January 2014

You will likely not want live I visitors at 1 week pp. especially if you plan to nurse...you need to be able to whip output anywhere, anytime until you get comfortable with a cover, and get your latch figured out etc. also any company coming when you have a newborn absolutely cannot expect you to cater to them (cook/clean), I'm not saying they do but you said you normally do that. You won't want/ be able to. My MIL came when my babe was 4 weeks and she claimed to be coming to help...she was useless, changed 1/2 a diaper in 12 days visiting. You read that right, less than one diaper. At least by that point I was pretty capable myself. Tll them no, and I would also recommend asking them to get a hotel.

dunvilles · January 2014

I found it to be entirely too stressful to have my MIL stay with us. She stayed for 9 days when DS was 1 week old.... It was horrible. I was still healing from childbirth, learning to BF, sleep deprived, hormonal... all she wanted to do was hold the baby. That was her idea of "helping".

If you have any doubts, just tell the IL's to come at a later date.

mysticl · January 2014

My mom was here for 2 weeks starting the day before I was induced (coincidence, the induction was not planned but we knew it was possible). It was great having her here while I was in the hospital. She would stay with me during the day while DH slept, showered, did stuff around the house and then he would come spend the night with me and she would go back to our place. Once I was home from hospital she made DH nuts. And me a little bit too. She did try to help but she's older and has some health issues so I don't like to ask much of her. She left the last day of DH's paternity leave so that kinda sucked as we didn't have any time for just the 3 of us.

My MIL came when DS was about 2.5-3 weeks old. That's when I discovered I didn't like her. She drove us both bonkers. Cleaning without being asked (decided the basin I used to bathe DS would be the perfect storage spot for dirty sponges), edged our yard and threw the debris in our garbage can which is a code violation (again didn't ask just started doing stuff), set a time limit on when I had to wean DS, told DH I buy the wrong kind of dish soap and we need to buy what she buys, acted like we were wrong for having DS sleep on his back since we didn't die of SIDS, tried to redecorate to suit her taste and how she thinks the house should look, told me not to change the baby's diaper when he was crying because it was wet and to just let him "stay awake". The best was when she looked at my son and looked at me and said "I don't see anything of you in him".

If they are truly going to be extra hands that will be helpful and supportive go for it (but maybe see about them staying in a hotel). Otherwise, ask them to hold off for a little while.

Littlemama01 · January 2014

dunvilles said:

I found it to be entirely too stressful to have my MIL stay with us. She stayed for 9 days when DS was 1 week old.... It was horrible. I was still healing from childbirth, learning to BF, sleep deprived, hormonal... all she wanted to do was hold the baby. That was her idea of "helping".
If you have any doubts, just tell the IL's to come at a later date.

this!! Don't delude yourself into thinking they will be truly helpful. At one week pp you want to hold the baby, DH wants to hold the baby, you don't want to fight with grandparents for a week holding the baby. (An hour or two fine, but if they stay with you they will want a lot more than that). I would say no until further notice.

SharonB222 · January 2014

If ILs respect your style and are like a 2nd family to you, sure --- o/w heck no! My MIL is not that bad, even so I would be hard put to tolerate her during newborn for any length of time. I did allow SIL to visit 4 days pp for 4 days, but I am a STM, my mom was here to help me, and my SIL has more my style. When my MIL comes, she helps, she hinders - a touch more the latter IMHO. GL.

YummeeCookee · January 2014

somerandomchick said:

Having them on the first week might be stressful. I would probably delay. (You're allowed to TELL them they're coming at a later time instead of ASKING, btw). The first couple weeks are super important bonding and it's really nice just spending the time with yourself, your baby and your husband. I think the extra hands are more useful after the first two weeks or do. Babies can be sleepy for the first week or two until they suddenly flip a switch and become a lot more demanding! Also, by that point the sleep deprivation is starting to wear you out. This is the time when you WANT the IL visit where they just hold the baby as 'help', because your baby might be demanding constant holding and this way you can nap! For a lot of people their husbands only take a few weeks off max, so having family visit after DH goes back to work is very helpful. Both sets of parents hung out with is in the hospital a bit. Then a day or two after we checked out my mom visited for about a week--but she stayed at her cousins big house in the burbs instead of our small apartment, so she would usually visit kind of from lunch to dinner time but give us most of the day.

Totally agree. I feel like I wrote this! I also feel like my IL robbed me of something very special by intruding and imposing on us the way they did. Problem was the my DH saw no issue w it so didnt really pushback. His mom stayed for 2 weeks for crying outloud! Two weeks, in a 2 bedroom apt, w a NEWborn who I did not need assistance with. (They intruded the day after I was discharged from the hospital)

Littlemama01 · January 2014

somerandomchick said:

You will likely not want live I visitors at 1 week pp. especially if you plan to nurse...you need to be able to whip output anywhere, anytime until you get comfortable with a cover, and get your latch figured out etc. also any company coming when you have a newborn absolutely cannot expect you to cater to them (cook/clean), I'm not saying they do but you said you normally do that. You won't want/ be able to. My MIL came when my babe was 4 weeks and she claimed to be coming to help...she was useless, changed 1/2 a diaper in 12 days visiting. You read that right, less than one diaper. At least by that point I was pretty capable myself. Tll them no, and I would also recommend asking them to get a hotel.
You don't necessarily NEED a cover. If that's what you feel comfortable with that's totally fine... But I just want To say its totally fine to not use one. I wasn't sure until after birth how I was going to feel about NIP. But after labor and all that I decided I just didn't have time to monkey around with covers or shyness! Granted it is awkward to nurse in front of others before your baby has figured things out (or at the older pop off and look about stage). The first five days or so my daughter would get hungry and worked up and just scream and flail at my boob, too frustrated to figure out how to eat! That wouldn't be fun in front of company.

no you don't NEED a cover but I wouldn't be comfortable with my FIL seeing ANY of my boobs, just me.

lollipoppoop · January 2014

My DH and I had a no overnight guest policy since my fil wanted to stay the first week. I am so glad he didn't stay so I would advise against it for the first few weeks. I had an emergency c section and couldn't imagine having to entertain anyone

waittilltomorrow · January 2014

I agree with those who suggest to out off the visit. My il live close by and with my first child they used to drop in every day which was overwhelming and almost felt intrusive. When they were there they constantly wanted to hold the baby while it was sleeping and cute but as soon as it was feeding time or nappy change it was passed to me. Only to be basically removed directly from my hands again as soon I returned from the task. On reflection I was not confident enough to tell them to back off. If your il are anything like that I would definitely tell them to wait to visit, otherwise suggest that they stay in a hotel so you have space (not that it helped in my case!)

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