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Anyone else's parents not ready to be grandparents?

e1514240e1514240 member
in Chit Chat
Couldn't really find where the most appropriate board would be to add my discussion but I'm hoping others can relate.

My husband (24) and I (25) thought having children would be way down the road but God's plans always reign over ours and I am 10 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, both our parents were shocked to find out we're pregnant. My mother-in-law couldn't be happier! Immediately created a baby board on pinterest and has been taking a poll with her students what they think the grandbaby should call her. It's comforting to see her embrace it and be excited for us. My mother on the other hand, hardly talks about it. Says she wants to be called really hip trendy names she makes up, nothing that would make you think "grandma". And surely doesn't bring it up unless she's bragging about it with friends and family. Its not a genuine happiness and its breaking my heart. A friend of mine suggested it might be cause it makes her feel old and she has always been one to show off her youthful spirit.
Guess I'm wondering if any one else has had this same experience or any advice on approaching the situation. For all I know it may be a completely different story once the baby is here and she gets to hold 'em. Until then I don't know if I should talk to her (she denies and excuses everything so it wont be an easy conversation) or just avoid her all together until her attitude changes. She bums me out and since this is something that we are trying to completely grasp ourselves, I need to be surrounded by support. We have always been close and if this is a midlife crisis of hers, how can I snap her out of it? I need my mom right now...
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Re: Anyone else's parents not ready to be grandparents?

  • moonpie28moonpie28 member
    My mom was this way with my first.  It was a huge bummer for a while and took a toll on our relationship.  But once the baby was here EVERYTHING changed. She loves him so much! And we are closer than we have been since as long as I can remember.  It was hard for her to grasp because she had been a young mother too, so she was only 45 when she became a grammy.  But now she loves them, and says that she would never have guessed that it would be this much fun, AND that they keep her young. I bet she will come around. 
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  • trishannetrishanne member
    My MIL refused to be called grandma when her first grand baby was born (to BIL). Insisted on being called "mama Edie." He now has two girls, 6 and 4 and they still call her that. I HATE it. Luckily at Christmas she made some comment that now "grandma" is ok. So luckily we won't have to deal with that when our LO comes.. Sorry, not quite what you were referring to, but thought of it when you mention she is trying to think of names other than grandma.

    I suspect it will change after baby comes. Until then, maybe just try to keep her in the loop, fill her in after appointments, talk baby names, share ultrasound photos, etc. Maybe ask her for advice. I think most grandmas love being grandmas, she just might need some time to adjust. Good luck!
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  • suburbanstepmomsuburbanstepmom member

    I am in a unique position here since I lost my mother when I was very young, and was raised by my father. I am 26 and DH is 28 y/o and even at our age(s) my Dad isn't very receptive to the talk of me TTC.

    I think, and knowing him the way I do I am pretty sure I am correct, that his concern more comes for ME than it does for HIM. Once he becomes a grandparent I think he'll be just fine but I think he's concerned that I am not ready and he's trying to be protective of me.

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