Baby name and MIL

ssmiles48 · January 2014

I have a tough situation that I would appreciate advice on. My MIL and I have had a very rocky relationship. She has said and done hurtful things to me since DH and I got married 2 years ago. Recently, we have tried to work things out and are doing better, but in my book, she is still on thin ice and not to be totally trusted. DH and I are expecting our first child, but we don't know the sex yet. We told her our girl name, unaware that the middle name was her former middle name. (She uses her maiden name as her middle name since marriage, and this is not the kind of thing DH pays attention to.) It is a fairly common name, but she made a comment to the effect of "I know you wouldn't want to name the child after me!" in a coy way. We were pretty set on this name and have been for a while, and now it's really bothering me. I don't want her to tell everyone this baby is named after her, because it most certainly will not be. I also think when my mother finds out that it is MIL's middle name (and trust me, she will make it known), she will be hurt as well. (MIL has not been nice to her either.) I know that there is only a 50% chance that it's even a girl, but we want more children in the future and will most likely use this name either way. What would you do?

cMichelle0423 · January 2014

Honestly, I would look into other names.... I have a similar relationship with my MIL and I would never let her think I was naming any of my children after her... that would automatically ruin the name for me. me If you're 100% set on the name, maybe try a different spelling so it's not exactly the same as her name? Either way good luck... If your MIL is anything like mine, I know you'll need it haha

JessWhatINeeded · January 2014

I'd pick a new middle name. There are enough girls names I like it wouldn't be hard for me. I could see where it might be more difficult for others if you were set on one though.

WashingtonQueen · January 2014

New middle name!

jhasselt · January 2014

I would pick a new middle name, but some people do that no matter what. My daughter is Elise and my MIL thinks we named her after her middle name Ellen. I responded and told her that we also named her after my mom since her middle name is Marie and my Mom's is Marilyn... Whatever, my daughter was only named after me, we share middle names. So, random story makes the point, they will think what they want to think. If it's an important name to you keep it otherwise pick a new mn.

Ashleypixie · January 2014

New one! Imagine if things get even worse in your relationship with her? The middle name would haunt you forever. Let's hope that never happens but hell, I wouldn't risk it after all I've been through with my MIL. My father in law is much worse and my son is named after him so I feel for ya.

ssmiles48 · January 2014

Thanks everyone. The first name is Charlotte (which I know is popular, but has more sentiment to us than its popularity). The middle name was Catherine. If it helps, some other first names we liked are Susannah, Vivian, Isabelle, and Violet. I also love Evelyn, Amelia and Hazel, but my husband doesn't. I'm not sure how any of these sound as a middle name though. I would appreciate suggestions, but keep in mind that we tend to like traditional/ old fashioned names.

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.

NerdyLucy · January 2014

ssmiles48 said:

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.

"DH and I decided that __________ is a better fit."

I'd probably try to keep the answer short, sweet, but to the point. If she presses, then repeat. If she's doing it in front of people, she'll be the one to look childish.

ssmiles48 · January 2014

Ashleypixie said:

New one! Imagine if things get even worse in your relationship with her? The middle name would haunt you forever. Let's hope that never happens but hell, I wouldn't risk it after all I've been through with my MIL. My father in law is much worse and my son is named after him so I feel for ya.

Funny: If we have a boy, it will most certainly be named after my FIL. My husband is the IV, so a boy would be the V. No debating that one, but I don't have too much of a problem with my FIL and it's a nice name.

emmy236 · January 2014

I'm interested in the name too. If it's like Ann I probably wouldn't care. But most likely I'd pick something else and just tell MIL that you want you baby to have her own unique name. I like my MIL but sometimes she says mean things without realizing. before I was ever preggers she asked about future baby names and she hated our boy name, which was Reed after my father. Like she totally forgot it was my dad's name. Then when I was pregnant they weren't happy because it caused tension with SIL and everyone on DHs side was awful. I then made sure DS was named after men from my side. I wasn't about to honor someone who thought it was ok to be horrible to a pregnant lady.

ssmiles48 · January 2014

emmy236 said:

I'm interested in the name too. If it's like Ann I probably wouldn't care. But most likely I'd pick something else and just tell MIL that you want you baby to have her own unique name. I like my MIL but sometimes she says mean things without realizing. before I was ever preggers she asked about future baby names and she hated our boy name, which was Reed after my father. Like she totally forgot it was my dad's name. Then when I was pregnant they weren't happy because it caused tension with SIL and everyone on DHs side was awful. I then made sure DS was named after men from my side. I wasn't about to honor someone who thought it was ok to be horrible to a pregnant lady.

I love the name Reed! It was the name of my dad's best friend/ brother in law (his sister's first husband) who was killed in Vietnam and has always been high on my boy list!

Paradisemoon · January 2014

ssmiles48 said:

Thanks everyone. The first name is Charlotte (which I know is popular, but has more sentiment to us than its popularity). The middle name was Catherine. If it helps, some other first names we liked are Susannah, Vivian, Isabelle, and Violet. I also love Evelyn, Amelia and Hazel, but my husband doesn't. I'm not sure how any of these sound as a middle name though. I would appreciate suggestions, but keep in mind that we tend to like traditional/ old fashioned names.

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.

Since you asked for a polite response mine would be "We haven't decided yet."
If you're up to it "None of your damn business" works well in your case too.

NerdyLucy · January 2014

Paradisemoon said:

ssmiles48 said:

Thanks everyone. The first name is Charlotte (which I know is popular, but has more sentiment to us than its popularity). The middle name was Catherine. If it helps, some other first names we liked are Susannah, Vivian, Isabelle, and Violet. I also love Evelyn, Amelia and Hazel, but my husband doesn't. I'm not sure how any of these sound as a middle name though. I would appreciate suggestions, but keep in mind that we tend to like traditional/ old fashioned names.

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.
Since you asked for a polite response mine would be "We haven't decided yet."
If you're up to it "None of your damn business" works well in your case too.

Ah yes, this is even better. My response was under the impression that OP would be telling MIL the new name, but I'm definitely in the camp of keeping it under wraps til later.

ssmiles48 · January 2014

ssmiles48 said:

Thanks everyone. The first name is Charlotte (which I know is popular, but has more sentiment to us than its popularity). The middle name was Catherine. If it helps, some other first names we liked are Susannah, Vivian, Isabelle, and Violet. I also love Evelyn, Amelia and Hazel, but my husband doesn't. I'm not sure how any of these sound as a middle name though. I would appreciate suggestions, but keep in mind that we tend to like traditional/ old fashioned names.

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.

I forgot to add Cecilia to this list. I'm not sure how hubby feels about it either though.

mysticl · January 2014

ssmiles48 said:

Thanks everyone. The first name is Charlotte (which I know is popular, but has more sentiment to us than its popularity). The middle name was Catherine. If it helps, some other first names we liked are Susannah, Vivian, Isabelle, and Violet. I also love Evelyn, Amelia and Hazel, but my husband doesn't. I'm not sure how any of these sound as a middle name though. I would appreciate suggestions, but keep in mind that we tend to like traditional/ old fashioned names.

Also, if we change the name, what will we say when she asks? I'm looking for a short, polite response because she will be sure to ask and put me on the spot in front of a crowd.

Don't tell her in advance if you are changing it. If you have a girl then name her the "new" name at her birth. If MIL asks say "one we met her we just knew that she was a fill in new name here". I know someone who had two names picked out for their daughter that they were going back and forth over. Once they met her they picked a different name.

ssmiles48 · January 2014

I am really going to try to talk hubby into Amelia. I also like Vivian as the middle name now that you mentioned it, @Darbie914.

One thing I'll add: I would love to keep the name a secret until birth, but I'm not sure if I will be able to do it because A) I'm horrible at keeping secrets. and

Our families are both crazy about monograms and personalization at showers.

emmy236 · January 2014

Love Charlotte! What if you did Charlotte Kate instead of Catherine? You could tell mil you didn't like having CC as the initials. I like Vivian and Isabelle too.

Thanks! We love the name too and it fits DS perfectly. It's funny you mention your connection to the name because it's how my dad got his name. My dad was born during WWII while my grandpa was fighting in Europe. He had a very good friend whose last name was Reed who died in combat. He suggested it to grams through a letter because he didn't get to come back home until after my dad was born.

queenbone · January 2014

If you know she will never let you hear the end of it, and it will grate on your nerves forever, I would look for another 'fairly common name' to use.

BulgariHeart · January 2014

Absolutely change the MN. I vote for Charlotte Vivian!

mrstengallonhat1 · January 2014

I would also try to find another name. I have a similar relationship with my in-laws unfortunately, so I wouldn't want a name that would remind me of that forever!

Tassie06 · January 2014

Absolutely find a different name. You'll NEVER stop hearing that your baby is named after her. And especially if she's not a nice person. Don't give her the satisfaction!

Cricket Bug · January 2014

Love Charlotte Amelia!

AinsMegWill · January 2014

New middle name

Skeemer · January 2014

Idani said:

Team new middle name!

+1

SmileyJay · January 2014

Although this name felt perfect, it isn't "the one" because of this issue. There are literally endless possibilities out there. When she asks about the name again your DH needs to say "we just didn't know that was your middle name and didn't want my wife's mother to feel left out" which is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Let us know the name and we may be able to help come up with some new middle name options!

JKGordon · January 2014

Try a shorter middle name (like Ann, Kate, Marie), and then you can just say that 2 long names was a mouthful.

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