Am I wrong?

tealowl · January 2014

Girl on BMB doesn't want childs grandmother to hold her baby ever, because grandma smokes cigarettes and smells like it.

I think that's overdramatic, considering grandma lives 10 hours away, so it would be minimal visits.

Would you let someone hold your baby that smells like smoke?

I was a casual (weekend) smoker for years, and DD has certainly smelled cigarette smoke on me plenty of times. But I've never smoked in my house or car, that's icky. S/O is a daily smoker.

pantherRN · January 2014

Short answer, yes.

ETA: yes I would let a smoker hold my child, especially in that situation. Not yes you are wrong.

Valancyy · January 2014

I would, especially since it's not going to be all the time.

My H and I talk about how both of us grew up in households where both parents smoked. There was always smoke around, dirty ashtrays. Sounds pretty gross now. There's a picture of my 1st birthday party where my dad is holding me with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

None of our parents smoke anymore, thank goodness. I'm not saying it's okay to have smoke around your kids, definitely not. I wouldn't freak out about someone holding the baby a few times a year who smells like smoke.

pantherRN · January 2014

Scraps,

My FIL smokes in their home, but not constantly. I'm not going to deprive him and my MIL of seeing their grandchild.

Second hand smoke is no good, sure. But minimal exposure is likely to not be a health risk. Especially if the baby is in an otherwise non-smoking environment.

tealowl · January 2014

ScrappyLika said:

What would you think if grandma wanted to babysit the baby in this situation....

She smokes in the house daily (pretty much chain smoking..) but says she won't do it when the baby is there.

Sorry I'm no help-I kinda took this as an opportunity to ask my own question lol

See, that's a hard question. What if she smokes right before the baby comes? Then there's smoke in the house. When you pick your baby up, they will smell like smoke from just being in the house for the whole day.

Is there a difference if the person doesn't smoke just when the baby isn't there? I don't know...

I've told S/O he can't smoke in his car after the baby is born, I don't want his car seat to reek. Yuck. No. He's not going to like it, but that's gross to me.

Personally, I wouldn't choose a sitter that has a smoky house to watch my kid all week while I'm at work.

But if I needed an emergency sitter and that's the only person available every once in a while? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know anyone close to me that smokes in the house, other than S/O's dad. So that situation isn't going to come for me...

ksuRN09 · January 2014

BPaws said:
DF used to smoke when we first had DS. I would have been a colossal biatch if I'd refused to let him hold our child.

Did I make him change his clothes head to toe, splash water through his hair, wash and disinfect his hands AND brush his teeth before he came in the house after a cigarette? Why yes, yes I did. Guess who quit smoking after less than 3 months of that? ;-)

I'm not against it. DS also goes to my parents house where my dad smokes in the house on occasion (not when DS is there). But, I would prefer at least hand washing and clothes changing before hand.

That is brilliant! I might have to try that with DH! Although, he's doing very well in the quitting department right now.

As for the third hand smoke debate, it is very real and can cause problems. I have kids come in with bronchitis or asthma flare-ups that are directly related to second and third hand smoke exposure. And a lot of pediatricians will tell you exactly that.

That being said, my parents smoke but I would never keep them from grandchild. However, as BPaws said, I don't think it's asking too much for a hand washing and at least a smoking jacket or something that they can take off if they're holding the baby.

MC03 · January 2014

If it was an occasional visit (with a grandma 10 hours away) then no, I wouldn't make a big fuss about it, although I would probably ask for clean clothes, or at the very least a clean sweater and washed hands. But if it was going to be regular contact I would have a problem with it, and would probably make certain conditions (like @BPaws mentioned). I would never let a smoker babysit LO, even if they didn't smoke while they watched the baby. If they regularly smoke in the house, the house and everything in it (towels, blankets, etc.) will smell like smoke, and chances are great everyday when you picked LO up they would smell like smoke. Thinking about a baby smelling like a smoker is really sad to me. Also this is from the AAP on third hand smoke: https://www2.aap.org/richmondcenter/DangerFromThirdhandSmoke.html

Rocknroll64 · January 2014

I just don't understand why they can't refrain from smoking for a few hours when they know they're going to be visiting an infant.

I wore one spritz of perfume once before holding my nephew and he smelled like it for hours afterward. No way would I want my baby smelling like an ashtray.

likeanoldtimemovie · January 2014

My husband smokes, but he only smokes outside. Never in the house or car. He usually wears a hoodie/sweatshirt/tshirt and peels it off when he comes back in around the kids. Oh, and sanitizer, too. There's not much more I'm willing to ask of him; I think he does a terrific job.

My mom also smokes and so does FIL. They follow DH's lead on getting rid of the smell.

Lola825 · January 2014

I think it was more in the wording of your response.... But yes, you are incorrect that third hand smoke is not a real thing.

That having been said, DH smokes, my dad smokes, FIL and MIL smoke. Will I make them shower before holding LO? No. But I probably will be hesitant to hand the kid over the minute they come in from smoking. As a non-smoker who is nauseated by the smell currently (not always, but during the 1st tri for sure) that shit lingers!!

I have no idea how ideally it'd go with the smokers in my life. DH wants to quit and likely will before LO is born but we see my Dad many times a week and he has no plans to quit. If anyone finds a magic, easy answer please let me know!

Rocknroll64 · January 2014

cruelsound said:
If you are going to put restrictions on who holds the baby due to how they smell, or their vices or whatever, you're list is going to need to be WAY longer than cigarette smoking granny.

Cigarette smoke is probably one of the grossest smells. I think I would rather have someone with beastly BO hold my baby.

Rocknroll64 · January 2014

cruelsound said:

Rocknroll64 said:

If you are going to put restrictions on who holds the baby due to how they smell, or their vices or whatever, you're list is going to need to be WAY longer than cigarette smoking granny.
Cigarette smoke is probably one of the grossest smells. I think I would rather have someone with beastly BO hold my baby.

I know it's gross, I'm just saying, you don't know what else people have on their skin when they hold your kid. Or shake your hand. Or whateve.r

That's very true....but if I can smell it to the point that it's probably going to make my baby smell the same way then sorry you can't hold my baby. Take a shower first.

MC03 · January 2014

cruelsound said:

Rocknroll64 said:

If you are going to put restrictions on who holds the baby due to how they smell, or their vices or whatever, you're list is going to need to be WAY longer than cigarette smoking granny.
Cigarette smoke is probably one of the grossest smells. I think I would rather have someone with beastly BO hold my baby.

I know it's gross, I'm just saying, you don't know what else people have on their skin when they hold your kid. Or shake your hand. Or whateve.r

I think the difference is third hand smoke has proven harmful effects.

pjaimeal · January 2014

cruelsound said:

If you are going to put restrictions on who holds the baby due to how they smell, or their vices or whatever, you're list is going to need to be WAY longer than cigarette smoking granny.

1) Cigarette smoking granny, 2) Drunk uncle....

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