Feeling Down

JessicaG220 · January 2014

Hi ladies,

I haven't posted here in a while and I just wanted to say hello and that I think of you all often.

I can't believe next week will be 9 months since Ava died. I always think, what have I done in these 9 months? And then I think, I haven't done anything even close to the significance of caring for my daughter. It's incredible to feel like you're wasting your life, not doing what you intended and so badly wanted to do. I miss her.

I haven't updated my signature, but I miscarried at 9 weeks in November. I had a D&C on Black Friday. That day has forever taken on a new meaning for me. I feel so empty. I fully planned and prepared for both pregnancies, and to continue to live a life that does not include my intended plans is so strange and depressing. Though I was only pregnant briefly this time, I really thought it was my second chance. Having that chance ripped away hurts horribly.

I am hopeful that 2014 will be better. AF has finally arrived and we are deciding when will be best to try again. Immediately after learning of the MC, I told myself twice was enough and I could not bear to endure this again. But as it always does, time has passed and I am determined to bring home a baby. I long to be a mother of a living child, as I know we all do!

Take care of yourselves, ladies. Happy New Year!

jess123456 · January 2014

Happy New Year, Jessica. I am so sorry for your second loss and I can't believe it's been 9 months since Ava passed away. I remember you introducing yourself on here last year.

Recurrent loss is absolutely heartbreaking and I am so sorry that we share this experience. I know what you mean about not thinking you can go through it again but then find yourself wanting to try again because you so badly want to mother a living child. It take so much courage to get back up again but you are still standing and I hope that 2014 brings you all that you deserve.

I can also relate to the feeling of not living a life with your intended plans and how isolating and depressing that can be. Please know that you aren't alone in feeling this way and that we are always here for you.

Sending you big hugs.

bunnybun4 · January 2014

so sorry you are feeling down and sorry to hear about another loss.

for me my second loss really, really threw me way, way back. I had so much hope and felt so many signs that this was our rainbow after going through something HORRID. I could barely make it through an hour without crying for several weeks. i felt so kicked when I was already down.

I am so glad you are starting to feel some hope again. I pray that 2014 is better to all of us. ((HUGS))

JessicaG220 · January 2014

I knew I would feel better after posting here. You ladies are so sweet with your kind words. I feel exactly the same way as you do. I had so much hope and I truly thought this time I would bring home Ava's sibling. I prayed and cried every day, and it still wasn't enough. It's made me question my faith, but I keep telling myself that there are just things in life that are beyond our control. All we can do is hope and continue to trudge on and remain positive for our take home babies. I have deactivated my FB account... And I already feel better not seeing those announcements pop up every time I logged in! One small step at a time, right? Sending so many hugs to you all!

cawettig · January 2014

Big hugs, I remember Ava's story also, I am so sorry that you lost your rainbow also. I hope 2014 brings a rainbow to your arms, like you said one small step at a time. You can make it, you are so strong