Any other bumpies here that have lost their mom?

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

Hi Ladies. Kind of a sad post sorry in advance. I had to say goodbye to my mom 4 years ago this coming June. It was quite sudden and turned my world upside down. My son at the time was about 8 months old. I have been struggling with feelings of sadness this pregnancy not having her around to share in the excitement, the daily phone calls, the belly updates, shopping together etc. I know she is watching over me and my babies and I feel like it is not just coincidence that this baby I am carrying is due in June. I just want to know if anyone else here can relate and is dealing with this. I miss her so terribly and I just feel kind of ripped off you know. It took me a long time to even want to get pregnant again after the loss and now I just wish she was here so badly..... I am also scared that this time she won't be with me for the birth and even though my husband is terrific and super supportive I just know it wont be the same. Any thoughts? advice? thanks all, much love.

Savvy122 · January 2014

I don't have any advice, but I can certainly understand how you're feeling. I lost my mom just this past June, also very suddenly. It's been devastating for me and I really do feel like I'm kind of going through this alone (I have no relationship with my father and my stepfather, who raised me, passed away when I was 20). My H is fantastic, but no one can really fill the void of losing your mom.

Sending you big hugs. You're definitely not alone. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

abastian00 · January 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss

My mom is still with us, but has been on/off chemo for the last three years for ovarian cancer - so I live every day with the fear of not having her around, and I know I would be feeling the same way as you are right now. It's impossible to replace a moms' love or presence, but I'm so glad you have a supportive partner in all of this. I'm sure she is super proud of you and will definitely be with you for the birth in spirit! I also don't believe in coincidences, so I'm sure this pregnancy is happening for a reason

elsa1688 · January 2014

I lost my mom 4 years ago almost exactly. It was also incredibly sudden (diagnosed with cancer and passed 6 weeks later). This is my first baby and it really sucks. I feel so cheated that I won't have anyone to call at 3 am when I need help and that she won't be able to meet my children. My dad moved to California also so it just feels so weird that my baby will not be close to my parents growing up.

Luna C · January 2014

My mom cut off contact years ago, and my father (who I was very close to) passed away in an accident nine years ago, so I definitely understand where you're coming from.

I've had some moments of "I wish dad was here," or "I want to ask dad about X," but nothing too difficult so far. I think it's going to really hit me once I have a LO to bring home and I realize how much my dad would want to see him/her and how much my LO is missing by not knowing him.

I was blessed with a really wonderful dad -- he would've been a fantastic, doting grandpa.

cncrod722 · January 2014

I also lost my mom in Dec of 09 at the young age of 47 to cancer. As sad as I am that she'll never be able to meet any of her grandchildren or hear her name change from mom to grandma (we're having the first). I like to think that God wouldn't have given my husband and I this blessing if we weren't strong enough to handle it. Don't get me wrong I would love to have had my mom around for all of this. She was my go to person and being a FTM it really sucks not having her. But again going through her passing I realized I was stronger than I ever thought I was and I know with her love and support being sent down to us I will learn to be even stronger and handle this just the way I was meant too.
I believe the same for all you other women out there. I think most of us believe in a higher being and because of that I think he or she or whichever form yours may take, believes we are Strong Women and truly ready for our new futures. We just have to find it inside of ourselves because its there in all of us!

Annalouhoo · January 2014

My mom passed away this past June as well. It's been sad for me to not have her this time. She was so close to my older children, and it's hard knowing this baby won't have a relationship with her. We weren't trying to get pregnant. We were going to try in 2014. So, I feel us now being due in June is really special.

catsinawindow · January 2014

I lost my mom almost 10 years ago. This is the third PG that I've been through without her. So far, this one has been the easiest (I guess bc I'm not a FTM) and my miscarriage was the hardest (because I really didn't have anyone to talk to, and I knew she had losses, so I really wished I'd been able to talk to her about it). I don't really have any advice to give, just ((hugs)). It's hard.

kellyjayne · January 2014

I lost my mom to breast cancer in March, and this pregnancy has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for us. I am an only child, and my parents were always two of my best friends. My mom was convinced that she was going to make it, even on hospice care, and one of the last coherent things she said to me was that she had a lot to live for, and would be at our wedding in July, and would hold her grandchildren. While she isn't here physically, I do believe that she was at our wedding and will watch over and protect our baby. That being said, there are days that I am full of anger and sadness because it doesn't seem fair that our kids will never know what a special, intelligent, caring woman their grandma was. My husband and dad along with our friends are so supportive and loving, so it helps but there is nothing that will ever fill the void. No real advice other than take it day by day, let yourself cry and feel sad, and try to celebrate the happy memories and know that she is watching over you and, although not physically, she is with you. Hugs!!

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

To all the lovely ladies who responded to my post.... THANK YOU SO MUCH xoxoxo Its hard to know where to turn sometimes and just knowing that I am not alone is a big help. It has been very hard without her here physically but I have realized so many things about my own inner strength through it all and in my truest heart I know that she is with me just in a different way, its just a hard reality each day. I also do not believe in coincidences and hopefully our new arrival in June will make it an easier month to bear in the coming years. My mom also passed from cancer. She had an inoperable tumor on her liver and died only 6 short weeks after finding out how sick she was, also quite young at only 49. I don't think its something I will ever fully get over but I am trying hard to accommodate the reality into my new life without her. I appreciate all the kind words and sentiments so much and after a really sad morning (dreamt of her last night) I am feeling a lot more peace after reading each of your comments so thank you again. May each of you also find peace in knowing that we are in this together!

chaysefaith · January 2014

Not my mom, but I lost my dad 11 years ago in a motorcycle accident. I was 16 at the time and still struggle with feeling very jipped. I am the youngest of 4 girls- my dad wasn't here when I got my license, when I graduated high school, he won't be here to walk me down the aisle, and he never got to hold my daughters. I miss him like crazy and I just wish he was here to be a part of this crazy life.

this1life · January 2014

Hey ladies. So, while I don't have experience of having lost a mother, I work in mental health a do a lot of grief counseling with women. A book that many of my clients who are dealing with impending motherhood/parenthood and the loss of a parent have found helpful is "Motherless Mother: How Losing a Mother Shapes the Parent you Become".

I have read it, and while I can't personally identify, I can see how it could be a helpful resource. Sorry for all of your losses.

noryang · January 2014

My mom left when I was two and has basically been out of my life my whole life. (I don't count when she FBed me after 20 years of no contact. Seriously who does that???) When I first found out we were having a girl almost three years ago I FREAKED. I was terrified that I had no idea how to be a mom to a girl and really no idea how to be a mom because I had never had one. (Now I am freaked that I have no idea how to be a mom to a boy.) But I am finding my way.

I think what I am trying to say is that you will have moments of sadness and very much missing your mom. But you will find your way. And many things will make you smile when you remember that your mom is watching and loving every minute of YOU being a mom.

temursgirl · January 2014

this1life said:

Hey ladies. So, while I don't have experience of having lost a mother, I work in mental health a do a lot of grief counseling with women. A book that many of my clients who are dealing with impending motherhood/parenthood and the loss of a parent have found helpful is "Motherless Mother: How Losing a Mother Shapes the Parent you Become".

I have read it, and while I can't personally identify, I can see how it could be a helpful resource. Sorry for all of your losses.

Thanks for the recommendation... I have been looking for something like this. Today is actually mum mom's 3 year death anniversary. She died suddenly shortly after our wedding. She actually wasn't a helpful or supportive mom and very well may have done nothing with me during pregnancy, but there's still a feeling of loss. I can't ask her if she experienced the same things or what I did as a baby (my dad has no idea, except a general impression I was a nice baby). I'm hoping other people in my life will step in. It's the small things really that I would ask my mom, like what maternity clothes do I really need, or how to distract my overly enthusiastic MIL.

fferreiralynn · January 2014

Yes. In October I was 5 weeks along. She had breast cancer. Sorry for your loss. The holidays were hell this year, it really hit me that she is gone. I feel the anniversary of her death and the birth of my LO will be just as hard without her. Don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic to have my baby but I feel it will be bittersweet.

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

Thanks again ladies, I think perhaps this post was needed for all of us. @this1life thanks for the book recommendation, I will def check it out. To all the other motherless and fatherless mothers thinking of you and so appreciative of your support. I love the bump and all my fellow June 2014 bumpies

My mom definitely had her issues with alcohol abuse etc. but I know she loved me and I am feeling very thankful for the time we did have together and that she did get to see me get married and meet my first born, silver linings right? all the best to you all and feel free to pm me anytime to chat more. @snlt1012 thanks for sharing, sorry for the loss of your dad, how are you doing? things better? been thinking of you.

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

fferreiralynn said:

Yes. In October I was 5 weeks along. She had breast cancer. Sorry for your loss. The holidays were hell this year, it really hit me that she is gone. I feel the anniversary of her death and the birth of my LO will be just as hard without her. Don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic to have my baby but I feel it will be bittersweet.

so sorry for the tough holiday season, I clearly remember the pain of my first Christmas without my mom and it does get a bit easier but not ever the same you know. I feel you.

mrsedwards8812 · January 2014

My mom died 3 days after my birthday, 20 years ago. Being a child, I was devastated, of course, but some of the bigger, adult events in my life- the pregnancy and birth of my son, marriage, divorce and now having been remarried and being pregnant again- have been super hard. I feel like I have no one to turn to. It didn't bother me as much with my first marriage and child because I guess I felt that I was used to it...I was so young when she passed, it was normal for me not to have her to turn to. Maybe it has something to do with having been a mommy now...whatever it is, this wedding and pregnancy have been much harder to deal with without my mom.

emandjp · January 2014

I lost my Mom to breast cancer 8 years ago. This is my second pregnancy without her and I wish I had some advice but I don't. It seems that when I'm pregnant, I miss her even more. I am very close with my Dad and have a wonderful, supportive husband but sometimes....a girl just needs her mom. I know she's watching over me and my family but it's still hard years later.

When I had my daughter, I brought photos of her and taped them on my IV stand...it really made me feel like she was there.

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

@emandjp what a great idea to put photos up of your mom during delivery etc. I am totally going to steal that. I really love the thought of at least seeing her face for the strength. Thank you.

fferreiralynn · January 2014

@/emandjp I am totally bringing pics of her. Good idea! Thank you!!

fferreiralynn · January 2014

@Lindsleigh77 Thank you

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

Hi Ladies, I'm back. Just having a weird day. Found out that we are expecting a little girl this morning and I am overjoyed, thrilled, ecstatic and so relieved that my baby is healthy and growing strong but I just wish I could tell my mom. I know she knows but its just a tough one. She would be so happy and I can feel that she is proud of me but as happy as I am I feel sad too. I just miss my mom and needed to vent somewhere without starting a special snowflake thread lol. I hope no one minds.

sjn00 · January 2014

I lost my mom when I was 11, she passed away June 27th, 1999.. It is definitely an odd feeling having a baby in June as well... It never gets easier, I always miss her, especially being pregnant. If I have a little boy he will be named after her and my dad- who has also passed away. Helps me cope a little bit better. We'll see come Monday!

Shineoncrazy · January 2014

I'm so sorry to everyone who has shared their losses. My birth mom left when I was 6, and it ripped my heart out. I haven't had contact with her in over 20 years. I'm thankful for the other strong women who stepped in to help me overcome the trauma (like my amazing step-mom), but it's never quite the same. In some ways I feel I've been blessed with a little girl so that I get to experience the love and joy I missed ten fold.

You guys will definitely be in my thoughts in the coming months!!

mschware · January 2014

I also lost my mother 4 years ago, on my birthday

I agree that being pregnant has saddened me even more about my mother. I tend to think about her more throughout the day now than before and I always wish I could go to her and ask her questions or tell her thank you for putting up with all this pregnancy crap for me! My mother always told me she hoped to at least live to see me have my first child and to see my little sister graduate.. And she didn't get to see either. The delivery room is also a worry of mine.
I'm sorry you're feeling so emotional right now, but know you're not alone! I think your love and yearning for your mother will make you strive to be the best mother you can be for your child. At least it does for me. My mother had me at 18 and had so much love for me and I now see how much love I already have for my baby and it makes me love my mother even more. We are all here for each other through this and just know your mother is with you too. Someday your child will get to meet their grandmother and you will see her again too

mercy0606 · January 2014

I lost my mom two years ago very suddenly. She was only 56 and the sweetest woman ever. Sometimes I get angry that I won't have her here when I have my first baby. Most days though, I look forward to telling the baby about his grandmother and I know she is here somewhere, watching over us. I hope you find some comfort in knowing many of us understand your pain. XO

Lindsleigh77 · January 2014

Thanks ladies it's so comforting to know we are thinking of one another. I have also found out from my ob this evening that there is a cyst on baby girls umbilical cord. It's been a rough day, trying to stay positive that all turns out good though. So sorry for all of your losses.

@sarajoy00 my mom passed in June as well. Hoping this baby brings happy thoughts to that month now.

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