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Parents being selfish either about naming the baby or just not caring at all.

babystacybabystacy member
in Pregnant after 35
My father does not like any of the names we have picked out. He said he is going to come up with a name to call the baby. I find it very rude and obnoxious of him. Whose baby is this anyways? My real mother on the other hand has done nothing! I mean nothing ok, she did send me a BPA free water bottle and something about how bad BPA is for the baby. I have not heard a word from her pretty much since I told her I was pregnant. Since it is NOT about my Mother she could care less! At this point, I really don't think my child will have any sort of relationship with my parents. His parents, I don't even know if he has told them. I have never heard a word from them nor have a met them in almost 8 years of us being together. This is the first grandchild on both sides. You would think someone would care! :( 
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Re: Parents being selfish either about naming the baby or just not caring at all.

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  • MommyAttyMommyAtty member
    My mother has never bothered meeting my 17 mo old and has yet to acknowledge this pregnancy beyond a text saying "congrats." But neither I nor my kiddos lack family or love. My family just isn't conventional. It's made up of long-time friends, newer friends, coworkers, cousins, neighbors. Just because you're related by blood doesn't mean you're close. And I remind myself every day to be the kind of mother I wish I had, not the kind of mother I actually had.
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  • Beachgal72Beachgal72 member
    I have seen the baby news cause some strange behavior among a few in my family as well. I am actually getting a bit of the opposite -- inlaws who acted as if I never existed previously suddenly are SO EXCITED about the baby but still indifferent to me as a person. It is annoying but I try not to let it bother me too much (easier said than done).

    I like what PP wrote about making your family what you want among friends, neighbors and those YOU want to be close. Do not let the negative reactions of others ruin this joyous time for you!
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  • wolcottmomwolcottmom member
    Just popping in and saw your post.  I have a 5 m/o and was in a very similar position as you - we didn't even have a shower b/c our families were being so odd!  I can tell you this - once the baby is born things will change.  In our case, some people became less interested (weird, right?) but the main players (my mom, my sister, my dad, DH's dad) all changed their tune.  What I learned was that people will do what they can.  For my dad, he never sees her, but contributes to her college fund.  My mom wants to watch her all the time.  His dad has not given us anything monetarily, but drives 5 hours to visit with her.  

    I know many people who are disappointed by family.  I've learned not to set expectations.  This way, when they (finally) do something great, it will knock your sock off!

    Good luck!

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  • MommyAttyMommyAtty member
    They may not change. They may get worse. They may get better. I agree with wolcottmom about not setting expectations. But the point is that you only have control over how you respond, not how they act. So my recommendation is to teach your child to build a family of those who love them and to count their blessings for that family they've built. Not to dwell on rejection by people related by blood and little else. And you teach that by living it yourself.
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  • 2redtulips2redtulips member
    I am sorry their reactions have been so disappointing. 

    I agree with the other ladies who have said to surround yourself with supportive people. I hope that will include your parents at some point, but I am sure that baby will be loved by your chosen community no matter what!

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    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    I have two bachelor degrees and am finishing a masters. I have a house, I got married, and I'm staying mobile despite having a degenerative (eventually fatal) neurological disease. I grew up in severe poverty and have supported myself since I was 16.

    Last Christmas was the first in 20 years that my mom invited me to. She's been very attentive and has been making an obvious effort to be considerate to me. I think finally getting pregnant was the first thing I ever did that made her proud of me. And that was the result of too many hard ciders one night and thinking I didn't need a condom right after my period. A result of my own stupidity in other words.

    Parents are dicks sometimes and there really isnt anything you can do about it. Step away and focus on yourself and your new family. Don't subject yourself to that.
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  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    I'm so sorry, but i also agree with what PP said about not sharing names. 1) I don't really care what anybody thinks about it except DH, and 2) SOMEBODY will hate EVERY name you suggest.

    Hang in there.
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