Working 24/7 afraid my LO doesn't recognize me

destinycochran1 · January 2014

Hello, I don't post as often as I'd like to so here is some quick background information on me. I am single 21-year old mom, my DD is 10 weeks old and I have been back at work now for four weeks.

My step mother is a SAHM to my 2yr old brother and she is a saint for watching my daughter all day so I can work full time. I dropped my LO off this morning and when I was giving her hugs and kisses goodbye she was antsy and fussy but as soon as I handed her over to my step mother she started smiling and cooing away and honestly it made my heart hurt a little bit. I know it seems illogical but I started wondering if she knows I'm her mommy. Due to my work schedule and school (I'm putting myself through college) I feel like I hardly get to see her. By the time we get home at night she's ready to sleep. We have our midnight feedings together and I am BF but I'm still so afraid she thinks I'm a stranger.

I know everyone says babies can identify their parents but I can't help but wonder does she really know who I am? Does she like me? Does she miss me? When she's a little bit older will she understand that I HAVE to work or will she feel like I'm neglecting her?

Did any of you working moms have the same worries when you went back to work, if so how did you cope?

jf198400 · January 2014

It's totally normal to have these feelings, we all have been there. Just like a child can love 2 parents, a child can love a parent and a care provider, there is no limit in the amount of love they have to give. It's a good thing that your dd is happy and well cared for. She also will not resent you for it, little babies do not know the difference and she will not remember when she's older. You are doing the best thing for her by working and educating yourself to provide a better future for your dd. Just make the most of the time you do have together, it's quality not quantity that counts.

destinycochran1 · January 2014

Great points. I guess I need to focus more on the time we spend together and not on the time we spend apart and keep looking forward to the future (and the weekends!)

JessAnnJ · January 2014

One thing that helped me feel better when LO was younger and it was the hardest for me emotionally was I focused all of my attention on her from the time we got home until the time I put her to bed. I ate and cleaned and did whatever else after she went to bed. I did not have a huge amount of time to spend with her but by focusing my energy on making the time I did have count I worried less about what I didn't have.

RibbitGrl930 · January 2014

I had the same feeling when i switched over to a new job a couple of months ago. I went from an 8-5 schedule to working 2-11 at night (my first job was the pits and even the ideal shedule didn't make up for it). Well, the arrangement was that I'd keep Jake at home in the morning then drop him off at DC before going in at 2. Unfortunately, my first week, I got so sick that I had to have DH take him to daycare in the morning so I could lirest before going to work, which meant that I didn't get to see him at all. I was so afraid he'd almost forget me after not seeing me except for a quick peek-in before DH took him away to DC. Luckily, that turned out not to be the case, and I was fortunate enought to slip into a daytime schedule after a few weeks.

emberlee3 · January 2014

Don't worry. You're doing a great job. I

ccam · January 2014

Just wanted to say - you're doing a great job! Good for you! And that baby definitely knows her Mom

Curls218 · January 2014

destinycochran1 said:

Great points. I guess I need to focus more on the time we spend together and not on the time we spend apart and keep looking forward to the future (and the weekends!)

I'm just back to work fulltime this week and saw DS for a total of 15 min last night due to a major delayed commute. I'm all for quality over quantity. This is the right mindset to have!

jjdillie · January 2014

You are doing a great job and your LO knows who momma is...never question that! I'm a single mom as well. I get about an hour with my LO each night. He most definitely knows who I am. My mom has been watching him since just before Christmas (he's been sick) and she always comments on how I am the only person DS gets that excited about. It's tough but you are making a better life for yourself and LO. Keep up the great work!!

2-Step · January 2014

I know this is hard, but try to focus on the fact that you are doing what is best for her. She is in a caring, loving environment, you are building a future for yourself and her. Believe me, she will appreciate it someday. Maybe not right away, but when she gets old enough to have perspective and realize that you put yourself through school, worked and raised her at age 21, she will be amazed at the example you set for her. Keep going, set yourself up with an education and you can be there for her more in the future during the times she will remember. As hard as it is on us moms, I believe that infants need care and love, but it doesn't matter as much who it comes from. When kids get older is when they start to really notice if mom or dad is there for them, sitting at the dinner table or coming to their dance recital.

If it matters to you to be with her more often, use your education to set yourself up for a career with some flexibility so you can be there more when she is a little older and will need her mom even more. Keep going, you are doing great!!

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