Freaked out about having a #2?! Help me out??

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

My DH and I are going to TTC #2 starting this May. I'm excited, but terrified! Is this normal?! My 3 year old is great! He's so fun and a pretty easy kid at this point. He sleeps great and I feel like my life is pretty level right now. We know we want one more child, for sure, but I'm getting nervous as I change the calendar every month.

I'm terrified of getting no sleep again and feeling like a zombie all day long AND having a preschooler running around on top of it! I know in the grand scheme of things...this is a short time and it will pass, but I'm freaking out. My experience with my first has set this fear in me. The whole c/s, tongue-tie, colicky, NEVER sleeping, PPD/intense insomnia...ugh!

I'm doing really well now...I feel great! I'm still on a low dose of my meds, but I've discussed this already with my dr. That really isn't the problem. Just scared, in general.

Any help advice or kind words??

Thanks in advance!

thejucheidea · January 2014

@MandJS: Unrelated, but I love the quote in your siggy.

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

MandJS said:

I think your feelings are normal, but you may want to consider talking to someone (professionally) just as an added precaution? Yes, it's totally a game changer adding in the second, but it's also SO amazing and rewarding.

I do still see my therapist from my past PPD. :-) She is great! I've shared these fears with her as well. She always tells me that I can recognize things better this time around more-so than last time. I've got people to reach out to now, right away, unlike last time. She feels that it will def. be hard, but I'll be more prepared for motherhood. I guess I'm just fearful of not knowing what 2 will be like. I already know how hard having a baby is and I do feel a bit more prepared, but two?! I have no clue!

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

I'm terrified scared to have #2 as well and we are currently TTC. DS is a wonderful kid and I'm well rested now but I struggled with the newborn stuff. I was a bitch, felt like I was crazy and my marriage was basically falling apart until I got my shit together and chilled out. I'm hoping that I will have learned from all of that and be a little more sane with the next kid. Having DS is so wonderful so I'm sure adding another kid will be even better. I think fear is normal

Me too!!!! Geez...it is crazy people do feel the exact same way! Thanks!
Good luck TTC!! That is exciting...and scary! lol

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

I'm terrified scared to have #2 as well and we are currently TTC. DS is a wonderful kid and I'm well rested now but I struggled with the newborn stuff. I was a bitch, felt like I was crazy and my marriage was basically falling apart until I got my shit together and chilled out. I'm hoping that I will have learned from all of that and be a little more sane with the next kid. Having DS is so wonderful so I'm sure adding another kid will be even better. I think fear is normal

Me too!!!! Geez...it is crazy people do feel the exact same way! Thanks!
Good luck TTC!! That is exciting...and scary! lol

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

I'm terrified scared to have #2 as well and we are currently TTC. DS is a wonderful kid and I'm well rested now but I struggled with the newborn stuff. I was a bitch, felt like I was crazy and my marriage was basically falling apart until I got my shit together and chilled out. I'm hoping that I will have learned from all of that and be a little more sane with the next kid. Having DS is so wonderful so I'm sure adding another kid will be even better. I think fear is normal

Me too!!!! Geez...it is crazy people do feel the exact same way! Thanks!
Good luck TTC!! That is exciting...and scary! lol

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

Sorry...don't know why my post showed up three times!!

Yea...I feel the same way too! My friends didn't really help out much the first time, so I'm def not expecting much this time either. We shall see!

octbridemaryland · January 2014

The transition from one to two was super difficult for me. Like you, I dreaded being exhausted and sleep deprived again. Adjusting to less sleep wasn't nearly as hard the second time, despite my newborn son having reflux.

That said, emotionally and psychologically, it was much much harder. Once I learned to let things go a little, life got much easier.

My advice:

1.) Get help for after the baby is born

2.) Keep your sons schedule as consistent as possible

3.) Be easy on yourself

4.) Baby proof - For your sanity, limit your sons access to things.

I reached out for advice after my son was born. The feedback was extremely helpful to me. A lot still rings true despite the fact that my kids are older now. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/8104367/really-need-advice#latest

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

octbridemaryland said:

The transition from one to two was super difficult for me. Like you, I dreaded being exhausted and sleep deprived again. Adjusting to less sleep wasn't nearly as hard the second time, despite my newborn son having reflux.

That said, emotionally and psychologically, it was much much harder. Once I learned to let things go a little, life got much easier.

My advice:
1.) Get help for after the baby is born
2.) Keep your sons schedule as consistent as possible
3.) Be easy on yourself
4.) Baby proof - For your sanity, limit your sons access to things.

I reached out for advice after my son was born. The feedback was extremely helpful to me. A lot still rings true despite the fact that my kids are older now. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/8104367/really-need-advice#latest

Very helpful tread...thank you!

Kimbus22 Yes...the PPD add to things, that is for sure! I just pray I can keep my sh*t together. I'm worried the lack of sleep will bring on the depression/anxiety/insomnia. Some may think I'm not ready if I'm this fearful, but my son is 3 1/2 and I'm 30 and we really don't want a much bigger gap than we will already have. I'm WAY better now than what I was even a year ago. I feel ready...only a bit fearful. If it wasn't for the lack of sleep/possible nursing problems because of meds/PPD worry...I'd be great! lol

I keep telling myself a great quote I read on here too, I'll share..."you will never regret the child/children you have, but you may regret the child/children you never had." It is true and I like it.

kerbear135 · January 2014

OP, I feel you. DD hasn't been a difficult baby by any means, but that doesn't mean the thought of #2 doesn't scare me. I like your quote- I'll have to use that as my mantra too as we begin to seriously discuss TTC #2.

mobraniff · January 2014

My mom tells this story. When she was in labor and pre-op (5 c-sections) with all my siblings my dad used to get up really close to her ear and whisper "remember that smell? that beautiful new baby smell. that perfectly pink smell?" She talks about it now as a testament to my dad's compassion and caring for her at that moment. But as I am walking the path toward baby two as well, this thought is was sticks with me. Remember the first smile, the first I love you, the first crawl, the first proud tear. Definitely being pregnant is not a bag of roses and sleep deprivation sucks the big one. But watching my little man run around only makes me want to do it all over again... what silly minds we have?

Ardmhs83 · January 2014

mobraniff said:

My mom tells this story. When she was in labor and pre-op (5 c-sections) with all my siblings my dad used to get up really close to her ear and whisper "remember that smell? that beautiful new baby smell. that perfectly pink smell?" She talks about it now as a testament to my dad's compassion and caring for her at that moment. But as I am walking the path toward baby two as well, this thought is was sticks with me. Remember the first smile, the first I love you, the first crawl, the first proud tear. Definitely being pregnant is not a bag of roses and sleep deprivation sucks the big one. But watching my little man run around only makes me want to do it all over again... what silly minds we have?

VERY TRUE!! Great stuff! :-)

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