Am I abnormal??

thirsty85 · January 2014

we had our beautiful little boy three weeks ago. I have been struggling with wanting to have family around... not all family, just some. I seem to want to just hoard him to myself and my DH. I'm struggling with people always calling and wanting to come by. I just want alone time with my LO and with my husband when he is home from work. We have pretty much designated Saturdays for visits leaving Sunday to be our family day. I love my inlaws and my family, but feel like I just don't want them or anyone really around right now. Is anyone else feeling this way? I would like to know if my feelings are normal or if I'm being a super b*tch about this.

Crgardner957 · January 2014

I felt like this with my first. I didn't wanna share. I actually would pretend to still be feeding DS1 and he was just asleep on my boob, so that MIL couldn't ask to hold him. Looking back I know it was mean. But hey, it was my baby. She lived next door so she saw him everyday almost.

Edit: just make it known what days are family days.

thirsty85 · January 2014

that's exactly how i feel Ashleynh5!

Crgardner - so it eventually subsided? i am hoping it does because i don't like feeling this way, but i can't help it... i do! i am completely dreading going back to work - which isn't for 2.5 months!

imrachellea · January 2014

Not abnormal. My LO was in NICU for 10 days and my in-laws came in when she was still there. They were in town for almost 2 weeks, including our frat full week home with her. We got 3 days just us, the third day DH went back to work, and my parents and brothers just came in yesterday. It is SO stressful because all they want is to be around the baby and it makes it so hard to breastfeed or pump or anything. I've had to supplement with formula to get her fed during growth spurts because I can't get the time to do it. And on top of it all, I had DH home for three weeks so now I miss him like CRAZY. This newborn business is harder than I thought.

Crgardner957 · January 2014

thirsty85 said:
that's exactly how i feel Ashleynh5!

Crgardner - so it eventually subsided? i am hoping it does because i don't like feeling this way, but i can't help it... i do! i am completely dreading going back to work - which isn't for 2.5 months!

The older he got I stopped acting that way but it took a good 6-7 weeks to finally stop being this way towards her. I really hate I acted this way because I wasn't like this to anyone else. Will she be watching your LO when you go to work?

thirsty85 · January 2014

Glad your LO is home now!! I am with you... my DH was home for three weeks too and now with him back to work, i also miss him something terrible! It makes the weekend time when we can all be together that much more important to us. and with ppl in and out it makes everythign more difficult. the newborn thing is definitely harder than i thought as well, though absolutely love it!

swirl25 · January 2014

Nope, not abnormal. I feel it now but felt it even more strongly with my first, especially towards my MIL who is a complete baby hog. I didn't want her around and everything she did annoyed me. I even felt it a bit towards my own parents but not nearly as much. You're in mama bear bonding mode, so makes sense you would be feeling extra protective!

thirsty85 · January 2014

Crgardner957 said:

that's exactly how i feel Ashleynh5!

Crgardner - so it eventually subsided? i am hoping it does because i don't like feeling this way, but i can't help it... i do! i am completely dreading going back to work - which isn't for 2.5 months!
The older he got I stopped acting that way but it took a good 6-7 weeks to finally stop being this way towards her. I really hate I acted this way because I wasn't like this to anyone else. Will she be watching your LO when you go to work?

Yes my inlaws will be watching him two days a week when I go back. I hope by then I won't be acting this way toward everyone!! I don't like it about myself either, its foreign to me, but I can't help it at the same time!!!!!

thirsty85 · January 2014

SailorTink said:

I'm a baby hog as well. I don't want other people to have her! My DH took it personally at his folks' house at Christmas. I had to try and explain to him it was just my hormonal possessiveness. I THINK it's improving!

Yes! I'm thinking its those damn hormones too!! they are still a bit out of hand!!! I was hoping by 3 weeks I would feel better... physically i do, but emotionally??? not so much still.

mamashan12 · January 2014

I'm with you. I know we're lucky to have so many friends and family who are excited to meet her, but I really want some time alone with my new family. My MIL is especially overwhelming and has started telling people that she will bring them along with her for her next visit.... um, no. Or at least ask first. Between that and her numerous offers to babysit (I am nowhere close to leaving her with anyone!), it's really overwhelming and makes me want to hold my baby closer.

thirsty85 · January 2014

Thanks Swirl25 - and everyone. its comforting to know it is normal AND that it will pass - eventually (at least I hope lol)

thirsty85 · January 2014

YES shansbury82, I keep getting the 'if you guys want to go out"... um, no we don't. we want to be home and be a family!!!! Overwhelming is definitely how I feel.

Ansleyturner · January 2014

Crgardner957 said:

thirsty85 said:
that's exactly how i feel Ashleynh5!

Crgardner - so it eventually subsided? i am hoping it does because i don't like feeling this way, but i can't help it... i do! i am completely dreading going back to work - which isn't for 2.5 months!
The older he got I stopped acting that way but it took a good 6-7 weeks to finally stop being this way towards her. I really hate I acted this way because I wasn't like this to anyone else. Will she be watching your LO when you go to work?

So I was going to ask this as well because that's exactly how I am! I thought I was crazy.. Before LO was born I liked my MIL and I still love her but I HATE how she is around LO and I go on mama bear mode for some weird reason. She just always has to be the one holding him and talking in a baby voice to him repeating herself over and over again. They came over a lot in the beginning and my DH let her hold him on the way to the nursery (I wanted to be there when everyone held him..) and it's caused a lot of fights between me and him and now he thinks I hate her. Anyways, I just hate having to be around her all the time feeling like this and I hope it goes away soon. I don't want to be possessive of him

thirsty85 · January 2014

UGH! that sounds awful!! Sorry you are having to deal with that.... Sounds very stressful!

mrssturm45 said:

No, I feel the same way. I'm so sick of my ILs inviting their entire family to MY (&DHS) home without asking, mil has invited her sisters, cousins, coworkers.. People we have never met.. Then inviting herself her constantly as well.. And expecting me to hide & cover while i nurse because it made them uncomfortable.. My family knows what it's like and only comes when invited. They call to check on us & offer help. I want alone time with my h & my son. Every weekend they are here. I wish DH would tell them to back off.

thirsty85 · January 2014

I completely agree. I wish I could shut out the world for a month

How did your family take the 'no visits'? I have some people who completely understand and give us space.... and then others who just don't.... then i am left feeling bad like there is something wrong w/me bc i want alone time!!

Lpegirl2013 · January 2014

You're not alone!! I definitely had a meltdown or two the first week home when EVERYONE and their dogs were at my house! People seem to think it's my number one priority for them to meet my baby, when it most definitely is not! It's stressful trying to nurse while company is over, especially when you have a hard time getting a latch. I really think that contributed to me throwing in the towel with breastfeeding and now I pump. People were ringing the doorbell and knocking non stop and just thinking they can barge on it without even a call! I definitely turned into a mean momma bear towards the end. I didn't want anyone holding her but me! And the entire time someone else was holding her I was pouting.

lilypienmessimy · January 2014

Ansleyturner said:

Crgardner957 said:

thirsty85 said:
that's exactly how i feel Ashleynh5!

Crgardner - so it eventually subsided? i am hoping it does because i don't like feeling this way, but i can't help it... i do! i am completely dreading going back to work - which isn't for 2.5 months!
The older he got I stopped acting that way but it took a good 6-7 weeks to finally stop being this way towards her. I really hate I acted this way because I wasn't like this to anyone else. Will she be watching your LO when you go to work?
So I was going to ask this as well because that's exactly how I am! I thought I was crazy.. Before LO was born I liked my MIL and I still love her but I HATE how she is around LO and I go on mama bear mode for some weird reason. She just always has to be the one holding him and talking in a baby voice to him repeating herself over and over again. They came over a lot in the beginning and my DH let her hold him on the way to the nursery (I wanted to be there when everyone held him..) and it's caused a lot of fights between me and him and now he thinks I hate her. Anyways, I just hate having to be around her all the time feeling like this and I hope it goes away soon. I don't want to be possessive of him

This is my MIL!! I can't handle how she's like ok, hand her over. I'm like umm no. She says the "my baby" thing which makes me crazy, but that's a whole other topic! I definitely have weird feelings towards her with LO..it's bad and I can't help it. She also has her opinions about everything and I just keep thinking to myself how much she complains about her MIL to me, wouldn't she think she's being the same way? It's so irritating.

KMKaiser07 · January 2014

I'm the same way! I get so upset with how often my in laws want to see LO and when we do let them see him, I find myself upset as he gets passed from person to person. We don't even get in the door at my in laws before my FIL is rubbing his hands together all excited and snatches LO out of his carseat. What really got to me was this past weekend DHs grandma was holding him and he just screamed and cried for a good 40 minutes before finally falling asleep. I hated that she didn't offer me my baby as she wasn't having much luck calming him down. It was so hard on me to just sit there, watch and listen. I'm hoping it gets better and that I will be more open to sharing him.

thirsty85 · January 2014

yeah i get the "my baby" comments and they make me crazy!!! NO- HES DH AND MY BABY!!! i got this lovely comment the other day afer a visit where he slept the whole time... "its nice to see you but im here to see him, you've gone down a few pegs"... i mean i know i have im completely fine w that but dont SAY it!!!!!!!!

myeverything1203 · January 2014

Not abnormal at all. I wanted the exact same thing...no family....but for a straight month family few/drive up from our home state TX...FINALLY this has been the first week with absolutely no one here besides DH, DD and I. Woohoo. It is SUPER nice!

thirsty85 · January 2014

I had this hap at a visit and i let him cry a little then when he wasn't calming down i went and took him.. i didn't care if ppl got upset. of course once i took him and held him, he stopped crying!

clhathaway · January 2014

mrssturm45 said:
No, I feel the same way. I'm so sick of my ILs inviting their entire family to MY (&DHS) home without asking, mil has invited her sisters, cousins, coworkers.. People we have never met.. Then inviting herself her constantly as well.. And expecting me to hide & cover while i nurse because it made them uncomfortable.. My family knows what it's like and only comes when invited. They call to check on us & offer help. I want alone time with my h & my son. Every weekend they are here. I wish DH would tell them to back off.

DF's grandma did this to me at the hospital. Lo and I were sleeping and in she walks with her granddaughter turning on the lights grabbing lo out of the bassinet like she owned the place. The next day she did the same thing with her daughter except lo was nursing and I didn't have a shirt on. Once we got home she tried to show up at my house, I just looked out the window, seen it was her and hid in my room until she adventuly left.

Op, be a baby hog. You have every right to be possessive. They can see baby when you're comfortable.

Eta: that turned into a rant. Sorry for post jacking op.

cammyisagirlsname · January 2014

Exactly how I feel. Sick of people taking up all my time and though I have a long maternity leave, I feel as though it's being wasted by all these people coming here taking up my time.

thebobloblaw · January 2014

Yep I'm the same way. SO has told me I need to share her. I can't help that when she's not sleeping she either needs changed or to eat. Nobody seems to want to take on those tasks so back to me she goes! I feel bad but I'm not about to sit and listen to my baby cry while people tickle and poke her.

And MIL is driving me nuts too with the passive aggressive examples of how a child should be raised. The bible says to spank because that's the only way a child knows you love them. Not by spoiling. And then she asks to babysit. Lol. I don't think so.

Ansleyturner · January 2014

nursetrina said:
I feel the SAME way. Andplusalso... there are so many nasty bugs going around (Norovirus, Flu) that I don't want to go anywhere where people are touching him and I don't want them coming in my house touching things. My mom tried making me feel guilty saying "I never expected you would be like this" but whatever. He's my baby. People will get over it.

I HATE when people try to make me feel guilty about wanting them to wash/sanitize. I'm sorry I don't want LO to DIE!

I'm on my way to MILs now.. Wish me luck!

Caitlinh27 · January 2014

Exactly how I feel. It's actually creating a bit of a problem between DH and I because his mom always wants to come over here or wants us to come over there. I never want to because I don't want her holding LO. I don't have a good reason besides the fact that I'm selfish.

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