January 2013 Moms

I Need to Vent About Boundaries!

DD was born in a group of 7 babies in our church, all within a year of each other. The first baby and the last baby born in that year was to the same mom. Crazy right? Anyway, now that DD is almost 1 I'm getting the question, "So do you plan to have another anytime soon?" Well, yes I do, and I don't mind that question at all, it's the response of some people that ticks me off. "You don't need another baby, you have your hands full as it is." "The world is too bad to bring another baby into it." "You can't afford another baby." "Your house is too small." And the list goes on. Some people have been super supportive but some, even my own family, have become vocal about telling me I don't need another child.

I'm sorry, but the last time I checked, that was a personal decision between DH, God and myself only. It's no ones business as to when or if we decide to procreate again.

Is the world going downhill? Yes. So what. We live in a great area and are lucky to be surrounded by a wonderful church family. Our church also has a great private school, so that's covered. If we all refused to have kids because of the world situation the population wouldn't last too long.

Is having kids expensive? You betcha. But we've survived this long. You do what you have to do. You survive. Were there a few nights I ate Ramen? Yep. But my DD never went hungry.

Am I the only one sick of hearing this stuff? I'm 30 years old and have helped raise many kids over the years, so I'm not clueless about the responsibility. I've been working since I was 15. I bought my house alone at the age of 25. I have a stable career with job security and great benefits. I have a (mostly) supportive family. Sometimes though I feel like everyone still wants to treat me as a kid.

How do you handle these kinds of remarks?
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Re: I Need to Vent About Boundaries!

  • If I were you I just wouldn't answer the original question with a straightforward answer. I have no idea when we're planning/if we're planning to have another one so I'm always very vague or just laugh when people ask about a number 2.

    Otherwise I would have a blanket response to a negative comment along the lines of - "You know, I'd rather not discuss this. Our plan is to have another child but since we'll be the ones responsible we will decide when it is right." 

    I had to master the calm response over the summer when my mom kept getting on me about my choices to breastfeed/not give solids too early/baby wear/cloth diaper, etc. I finally gave her a very calm "I need you to please stop questioning my choices" and while it didn't completely end her comments she did chill out a bit. 

    GL
  • I don't know but we get the same boundary-crossing at church and it drives me batty. I think decaf is wise ^ with the blanket response thing. I'm still thinking of the best thing to say when DD has an eczema breakout and EVERYONE has to comment ("her dermatologist and I have it well in hand, thank you" still sounds too bitchy to me, but it IS nicer than "mind your own damn business"...). There's so much more I could say but I'll spare you. ;-) Just know that you're not alone.
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