I suck :(

TJ1979 · January 2014

I am a terrible SAIFer, PAIFer, and IFer. I am so ashamed.
I announced at work yesterday. And I knew that one of my coworkers (and friendly acquaintance) has had IF and loss issues in the past. She has one sweet girl, but has not been able to conceive another. They are in the adoption process.
I totally meant to send her a heads up email or tell her privately ahead of time. And I was so nervous and stressed with the stupid cupcakes and going back to work for the first time in 2 weeks, that I flat out forgot.
She called in sick to work today, then at the end of the day sent me a message letting me know she is nothing but happy for me and not to think that my news made her sad. That leads me to believe that she stayed home and had a (well deserved) pity party, then chose to be the bigger person and forgive me. I am so ashamed and upset that I hurt her. I should really know better.
Is there anything I can say or do to help the situation?

luvboston · January 2014

No not really just let it go and perhaps buy her chocolate on v day for being a nice person.

mcgeeva · January 2014

Aye that is super tricky! In fairness it's not like you had it easy so hopefully she remembers that. It was a minor error not giving her heads up but also at the same time understanding your struggles you would of hoped this news from someone who didn't randomly get ku the first time trying wouldnt send her home. All you can do is say your sorry and listen if she wants to talk. Hopefully her adoption process goes fast

queenbone · January 2014

Well, maybe she was just genuinely sick? I'm sorry you are in the position of not knowing. I don't have any suggestions, but maybe let her know (via text) what your intentions were and that you spaced it.

kzawisl · January 2014

You don't suck.

I'm with @queenbone ...maybe she was genuinely sick, and don't want you to think that she stayed home because your news blindsided her.

ccam · January 2014

Did you answer her message? That would be the point that I would have said, "I meant to give you a heads up. I know how hard it is to be caught off guard..." or whatever. If not, I think I'd just let it go. It happens and I'm sure she realizes that.

pb_bride · January 2014

I would just drop the whole thing.

TJ1979 · January 2014

@ccam I really liked your phrasing. I used that, thanked her for her kind words and said that we are truly blessed. And now I shall say no more. And perhaps I will get her some chocolate for v day, like @luvboston suggested. She does love her some chocolate!
Thanks for talking it out with me, and thanks for not telling me what an idiot I am. I already know.

Mnerani · January 2014

You handled it great and of course, if/when their adoption process results in a second child, I'm sure that you'll make a big-happy deal out of it. Don't beat yourself up for too long

kbeach82 · January 2014

If it were me, I would just apologize and move on. No need to put more attention on the situation than is necessary. Letting her know that you did consider her feelings and intended to make her aware before the rest of your office (but simply forgot) might help to prevent any potential for awkward situations in the future.

TJ1979 · January 2014

Well, she isn't here today either. So perhaps she is legitimately sick, and not at home bc I hurt her. I still feel guilty though.

imoverit · January 2014

You did handle it well. I would still feel bad too (I just always feel super bad for hurting others or thinking I did).

Just know you did all you could and that this will soon pass. Im sure on e she gets back to work and you talk in person things will feel more smotthed over.

mcgeeva · January 2014

She definitely sounds like she's sick no worries!

mdiblasi10 · January 2014

I think you handled it well. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Dragonfly1226 · January 2014

You do NOT suck! If it was me, I would respond honestly. Tell her you meant to give her a heads up but it got away from you. Tell her that you know how difficult public announcements like that can be and that you are sorry if yours was upsetting. No IFer expects anyone to stop their lives, but knowing that you are thinking if her will probably mean the world.

As a fellow IFer I bet she is happy for you though.

Want a personalized experience?

I suck :(

Re: I suck :(

Choose Another Board

Search Boards