... so much for a Friday night.

kimberlymacrae · January 2014

So my DH straight up asked me "...why do you get sometimes frustrated with Ky at night?" I was so caught off. I said "Well, because I work a ten hours shift (5 days a week) come home and snag LO up so you can have an hour to yourself and yes, at 8:30p when LO is the fussiest he is all day I sometimes get a little short. But mind you, I am low on sleep, over worked and over stressed so I think it all washes out." Now he has me totally second guessing my parenting and how he views me. Sorry for the pity me post but I am lost... guh... I know after a good nights rest I will have my confidence back but sheesh.

blinnea23 · January 2014

Have you tried bathing with your LO at his fussiest time? I know DD loves it and it calms her right down.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad tonight

Violet1372 · January 2014

I totally understand this. I have sooo much more patience to deal with soph at night if I have been home with her all day (even if she has had a fussy day) but if ive been at work and then come home my patience is so short. I feel bad about it but DH is thr same way so we really try not to judge each other and just try to keep the other calm when we are having a moment

313Meg · January 2014

You have every right to get frustrated and you are loving LO through it. Doesn't mean you are numb. You are totally overworked and don't catch a break. And when LO cries and they are just plain fussy, it's hard for someone who just woke up from a 3 hr nap let alone full day of work. I'm sorry this had to happen on your night to look forward to the weekend. You are a great mommy and I can tell you that from what I've seen in TB. Your emotions are valid. DH can suck it.

Or give you a back rub and tell you sorry.

michaelaelaine01 · January 2014

Go easy on yourself. You are not alone in this boat!

JocelynB0911 · January 2014

Even though he's fussy, ky knows you're there lovin on him. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great.

llybeck · January 2014

Dude, seriously. There is no need to question yourself at all, this parenting gig is tough and I guarantee you that every single one of us can relate times a million to exactly what you are saying. I completely agree with @Violet1372, when I have been with DD all day it is much easier and less stressful to handle her when she is being fussy, work is a lot harder wind down from.

On the other end of things, I know I have been in your husband's position and (wrongly) asked why he gets frustrated with DD. She has a terrible cold/ear infection right now and he just wants to "fix" her so he has had even less patience with her lately and he didn't have a whole lot to begin with on a lot of days. I didn't want to upset him and I more just wanted to know if there was something else going on or if he needed a break or if there was something I could help with. I didn't ask in a rude way and I certainly didn't mean that he was a bad parent or that he was doing something wrong. But I should have worded it differently and said something more like, "I know work has been really tough lately and you haven't been feeling well either, are you having a hard time with that on top of DD being so fussy and upset?" But instead I just said, "why are you getting so frustrated with her?" and that went over like a lead balloon, it made him feel like shit which is completely understandable even though it was not my intention at all.

I'm not trying to defend your DH but I bet he didn't mean anything by what he asked. He's a SAHD, right? I really think it might be that he doesn't understand and he wanted to know if there were other issues or if talking about it might help you feel better and less "frustrated." Both SO and I work full time but I feel like I just have an easier time not getting frustrated with DD in general. SO picks her up from daycare so I usually take over when I get home like you do. Trust me, even though I feel like I "keep it together" a little better than SO, there are days I want to rip my hair out and I know I'm being a mega cranky bitch because I can't get DD to stop being upset, we've all been there. There is no reason to ever question or defend yourself, or your parenting, or feel guilty about being stressed over a cranky baby. It's not easy and most of us are only 3-4 months PP and 1-2 months back at work. That's not very much time to adjust to a whole new life and learn to balance work and home (not to mention trying to decipher a tiny, dependent, constantly changing human). Give yourself a break and know you are not alone.

happybride 276 · January 2014

What llybeck said exactly. You are an excellent mom. It's hard for someone who doesn't work to understand what it's like to have a baby and work (it was for me when I was still on maternity leave). I couldn't understand his frustration when I saw my son as my escape from the crappy parts of my life. Now that I am back to work I have far less patience than I would like. It's easy to feel guilt because of it, but don't. That's just wasted emotions. Try not to focus on the bad feelings and know it's just temporary. After some sleep, a nice warm bath, and a glass of wine you will be good as new. Doctor's orders.

Skalbrecht · January 2014

Don't feel bad - you are still meeting Ky's needs so you are a good momma! Being a working momma is hard! I can 100% relate. I want to roll my eyes at my husband sometimes who is also a sahd. Since I am bf'ing on top of working I am always the one who cares for her in the evening and during the nights and weekends...he always gets a good nights sleep and I don't (look here I am at 3 am!). Mommas deserve a break to do something nice for themselves too!

ravenclaw1 · January 2014

I feel the same way about H sometimes, so I get it. Boo is happy all day until right about the time H gets home from work. So he sees her fussy a very disproportionate amount of time, meaning it's easier for him to get short with/about her.

It's totally ok to feel that way- sorry you're bummed about it

PumpkinMommaaa · January 2014

I totally understand! I work all day and have DD as soon as I get home and alllll night. DH works third shift so he gets home. Goes to sleep. Sleeps for about six hrs then gets DD. Most of the time when he gets her she ets then goes to sleep until I get home. He's constantly trying to say he gets less sleep than me because even though I get up with DD at night, he doesn't see exactly how much she's up. He acts like its a competition for who has it worse instead of being in it together.

Don't sweat it. I know it's hard, but someone once said on here, in the advise for newborns post I think, to not take anything said in the middle of the night to heart. I've lived by this. But also in the most stressful times, we say things we don't mean. I'm sure your DH is proud of the mommy you've become.

jlp0528 · January 2014

Guuuurrrllll, don't you feel shitty! You are an excellent mama to Ky! Your job is hard work and being a mama is hard work, so coming home to a grump during fuss time and trying to be positive and upbeat when you are stressed and tired has to be tough. Don't 2nd guess or question yourself for anyone!! **my phone almost changed question to queso... Mmmm queso!!!**

Big hugs to you, you awesome mama, you!

kimberlymacrae · January 2014

@llybeck: Thank you for putting it into perspective. I know I get frustrated and I don't want to be. But everything that makes me frustrated isn't changable so I just have to really work on my mindset I guess. I worked 53 hours last week too so I was just totally burnt out.

@happybride276: That is exactly what I did and it did make me feel better. It's just hard when you don't have control on how burnt out you get. Plus I think we all forget to take care of ourselves and it rears it's ugly head in the form of frustration for me!

@Skalbrecht: You go girl. I couldn't imagine having the MOTN, evenings, weekends and working 100%. I am tired just thinking about it. I have weekends and evenings and by Friday I am pooped.

@ravenclaw1: Evenings are one of the worst times for LO as well. There are rarely any super smiley evenings. The mornings are the best!

@jpryber0528: queso makes everything 100% better.

@JocelynB0911: Thank you!!!

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