has anyone chosen to forgo treatment?

jb2rn · January 2014

I am DOR, and knew that before we conceived my son. Got the bad news at the RE, the donor egg speech, and then got a BFP. Lucky girl, I know.

So, when we started TTC this go around, we knew we had a poor chance.

We said "no treatment", because we can't afford IVF. And really, with my issues and age (I am 37), we would need IVF. IUI or TI wouldn't really make a difference.

Anyone else just choosing to try the old fashioned way?

I swing between wanting to give up trying, or seeing if mayyyybe med would make a difference at all.

It doesn't help that DH is an eternal optimist and says "If it happened once, it can happen again" and "you need to get off the internet"

annibes · January 2014

DH and I are slowly and carefully deciding whether to go forward with IUI. We are possibly MFI (lousy morphology) and got very luck with our son after 2 cycles of trying.

Our DS has autism and originally, we decided not to have fertility treatment because of our chances of having another child with special needs. Now that reality has set in, we are covering our bases and getting genetic work ups for the whole family. If we all check out, then DH and I will discuss IUI with the RE.

DH also has bilateral varicoceles, which can cause sperm issues. We are also considering surgery to repair this, which could be helpful.

Good luck with your decision!

KC1212 · January 2014

I am not doing treatment. I did strictly acupuncture/herbs for awhile but, I'm not even doing that at the moment. I took a mental health break

But anyway - I'm not well versed on your DX but, did the doctor tell you IUI would make zero difference or do you think that?

I've heard that success with IUI is much greater on Injectables than it is clomid... Just throwin that out there.

How long have you been trying for #2? And how long did it take to conceive #1? (These are both factors I would consider)

I realize I don't have answers

but, wish you luck.

I think bottom line, you need to sit down with an RE again and see if there are other less expensive and invasive options.

bcw2009 · January 2014

We are in the beginning of that decision making process right now

Our "diagnosis" is unexplained/mild MFI (borderline low morphology-everything else fine). DS was conceived on our honeymoon-I had NO IDEA how lucky we were! Currently we are on cycle #19ish TTC #2 and we have an appointment with the RE at the end of the month. Our currently plan was to try on our own for 3 months post HSG and then start treatment. Here we are and I just honestly can't decide if I want to pursue treatment. There is a huge part of me that just wants to be done and enjoy my DS who will be 5 in a few months. But, I know that is mostly because I hate the monthly disappointment and feelings of failure-which I know would only be worse and more intense with a failed treatment cycle. I would really love to have another child and I know DH wants to expand our family desperately. So, I guess I am in a little bit of a different situation because if we didn't go forward with treatment I would want to be done trying. I don't think I want to keep going the old fashioned way all that much longer. Sorry if that was not very helpful...at least you know you are not alone...best of luck to you deciding...it is so hard!!

77abbi77 · January 2014

HI there!

Fellow DOR girl here. I have an AMH of .35 (was .33 in August and just had it retested. I know that fluctuations happen but I am surprised it is not lower) and an AFC of 9 the one and only time it was checked so far. 1 RE has given me a 10% chance of IVF working for me and another gave me a 25% chance. Neither of which seem promising enough to put my family through the financial turmoil it would cause for such a measly chance. I was also given a 75% chance of my cycle getting canceled if I tried IVF so that would be even harder to fork out the money knowing that could happen before I even make it to transfer. That being said, my RE also feels that with injectables and IUI I also have about a 25% of pregnancy per month and he seems to feel that I can get pregnant that way. But I struggle because my husband had to get a second job to pay for the 3 IUI's that we have already done (he has a great corporate job by day and is waiting tables at a cute little restaurant by our house 3 days a night). All 3 of my iui's failed obviously and I hate that my husband is missing out on time with the family that we have right now to give us a chance at having another. I am just so torn on whether or not we should continue with treatment. We are on a break right now for mental and financial reasons and I am really struggling with what our next move is. Donor embryo has actually been a big though for me. It is actually much cheaper that IVF (if you ovulate regularly they will allow a natural cycle for the transfer so the whole thing was quoted at 4 grand) and is basically giving me the chance to give birth to my adopted child. At the same time I am 31 and feel like maybe we should just try a little more.

Anyway, as you can see I have no idea what the right thing to do is. I read so much and there are very inspirational stories like yours that make AMH seem like to biggie unless you have to do IVF and other stories that just make me feel like giving up and focusing on my blessings. Even though I have always focused on my blessings. such a tough thing. I am sorry you have to go through this.

tuscanbride2007 · January 2014

We are actually in our last medicated cycle. DH does not want to pursue other avenues so we are starting to discuss our end date. SIF sucks.

lcloffredo · January 2014

We knew that we would have problems this time around due to hormone imbalances. My DH wanted to start meds right away but I wanted to wait. It's been a little over a year and we are about to start our third cycle of meds. My DH just handles it all so well but I get more emotional about it. Just wanted to say that I kind of know where you are coming from and to just do what you feel is right for you guys at the time.

sailorgal · January 2014

We do not plan on doing IUI or IVF. I think for me, it's partly a control issue. If I make the decision that I'm done and we're not going to pursue certain treatments, then we're done and I feel like I can live with that....that I had the control to make the choice that we'll be a family of 3. If we do IUI or IVF and it doesn't work, I wonder if I will feel out of control. I don't know, that's just where I'm at right now. It's also getting to the point where I'm not sure that I want such a large age gap between kids. Minimum gap now is 4.5 years. And it will take awhile til we could get to IUI or IVF so I think the age gap will end up being more than we want for our family.

So we're doing timed intercourse, supplements, charting, vitamin B, Robitussin and I go for my first ND appointment on Thursday. I've done some various prescriptions. We have not done clomid due to the side effects including risk of multiples.

designer303 · January 2014

We had decided to forgo treatment and got pg naturally through charting, but lost the pregnancy and it was a lot like @sailorgal said about control, but now that I was KU and lost it I feel like all that control was taken away and I just want to be PG so badly again that I'm not sure what I'm willing to do even though DH and I had totally decided not to go down the treatment path again. We are planning do a natural cycle with our RE once we are cleared to try again, as we are hoping that will help make our decision, because if they tell us that it just wont happen/ stick wihtout assistance, I'm betting we will sign up again, but I guess I'm hoping that we don't (very conflicted on this topic if you couldnt tell)

jb2rn · January 2014

KC1212 said:

I am not doing treatment. I did strictly acupuncture/herbs for awhile but, I'm not even doing that at the moment. I took a mental health break But anyway - I'm not well versed on your DX but, did the doctor tell you IUI would make zero difference or do you think that? I've heard that success with IUI is much greater on Injectables than it is clomid... Just throwin that out there. How long have you been trying for #2? And how long did it take to conceive #1? (These are both factors I would consider) I realize I don't have answers but, wish you luck. I think bottom line, you need to sit down with an RE again and see if there are other less expensive and invasive options.

We TTC for 8 cycles (charted the whole time) to conceive our son. I also did acu for 5 cycles.

We have been trying only 5 cycles thus far this go around. So not long at all, I know, I am just not hopeful.

We live in Germany right now, and I have thought about a referral, but I hear they make you try Clomid first, and Clomid isn't great for DOR patients.

I ovulate on my own, so through talking with my prior RE, and friends that have my Dx and are my age, they say it's not very helpful to do a IUI or TI.

I have no issue with doing IUI with injectables, I would be totally game for that.

I would also like to go back to acu, but I don't speak enough German to do it here. We move back to the states this summer, so hopefully I can restart then.

I am taking supplements (Vit D, ubiquinol, and a B complex). I O every month, I even have a better LP and less spotting than I did the first time we TTC! I would guess I am shooting out an immature or poor quality egg. I O on the early side, which is common with high FSH/Low AMH patients.

thanks for your support, guys. I guess we just need to talk it over a bit more.

77abbi77 · January 2014

hi again @jb2rn I just had a quick question for you:

When do you ovulate usually if you don't mind me asking? I also tend to ovulate on the earlier side like CD 13 and I was not aware that was due to our challenged ovaries. Boo. Also, I just was wondering why clomid is not good for DOR patients. I just took clomid this month which was OK'd by my RE while we wait to do another IUI. I did it because we are still waiting to figure out our plan, IUI would have been to difficult to do with family in town, and I just wanted to try something so I felt like we gave it a shot. Sometimes I wonder if he even looked at my chart before giving me the prescription. I'm just a little worried and wondering why it is not good for us DOR girls.

GraceyandTroy · January 2014

I love this post because it is exactly the kind of questions I keep asking myself and I am so encouraged to hear other women are feeling similarly. I hate hate hate the "what ifs" and not feeling like I have control over my own life and body. I want lots of kids, not just one. But then I feel guilty because I have one, I am a mother, and should be happy about that. But then I mourn for the loss of my plans and dreams of having a full home. I worry that the cost of treatments will just be wasted and the cycle will fail. I worry that continuing to try and try for ever will take me away from DS and DH. DS is still young, so I don't carry the same burden I did at nine months into ttc the first time around, but I feel like the clock is just moving faster and faster.

Thank you for starting this post and thank you to the pps who have already shared. It's so encouraging to know that I'm not alone. This is why I love this board.

jb2rn · January 2014

GraceyandTroy said:

I love this post because it is exactly the kind of questions I keep asking myself and I am so encouraged to hear other women are feeling similarly. I hate hate hate the "what ifs" and not feeling like I have control over my own life and body. I want lots of kids, not just one. But then I feel guilty because I have one, I am a mother, and should be happy about that. But then I mourn for the loss of my plans and dreams of having a full home. I worry that the cost of treatments will just be wasted and the cycle will fail. I worry that continuing to try and try for ever will take me away from DS and DH. DS is still young, so I don't carry the same burden I did at nine months into ttc the first time around, but I feel like the clock is just moving faster and faster.

Thank you for starting this post and thank you to the pps who have already shared. It's so encouraging to know that I'm not alone. This is why I love this board.

You are welcome. Thank you for the support. I have many of those same feelings - I don't want to take away from enjoying and experiencing my sons childhood. I want to be fully happy. And it's difficult. I have had time to grieve in that I should have not been able to have even one child, but hope is a tricky thing. You just think maybe you will get lucky twice.

jb2rn · January 2014

77abbi77 said:

hi again @jb2rn I just had a quick question for you:
When do you ovulate usually if you don't mind me asking? I also tend to ovulate on the earlier side like CD 13 and I was not aware that was due to our challenged ovaries. Boo. Also, I just was wondering why clomid is not good for DOR patients. I just took clomid this month which was OK'd by my RE while we wait to do another IUI. I did it because we are still waiting to figure out our plan, IUI would have been to difficult to do with family in town, and I just wanted to try something so I felt like we gave it a shot. Sometimes I wonder if he even looked at my chart before giving me the prescription. I'm just a little worried and wondering why it is not good for us DOR girls.

Hi Abbi,

I didn't mean to freak you out. I have heard Clomid is bad from other DOR ladies, as it can drive up your FSH even further. However, I was not told that by an MD. So, talk to yours about it.

I usually O on day 12-14.

good luck to you.

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