April 2014 Moms

Maid of Honor distress

My friend is getting married 2 1/2 months after baby is born. It's going to be hard enough as it is taking a day away from baby. Now the month before they want to rent a cottage for a Jack and Jill kind of thing 4 hrs from here. I cannot go to a cottage for a weekend when my LO is only a month and a half old. I'm afraid she will be upset with me though because there is only one MOH and one bridesmaid.

Re: Maid of Honor distress

  • I'm in the same boat as you! If you're not comfortable doing a weekend away, for whatever reason, just say so. It might be uncomfortable, and yes she might get upset or be disappointed...but what's worse? Being uncomfortable for a day while she gets over it, or being uncomfortable for an entire weekend because you caved and did something you didn't want to do? If she's a good friend, she'll understand. Shit, even if she doesn't...guess what! It's your life. You know what's best for you and your baby, and your baby comes first now, plain and simple. Good luck!
    I agree completely!
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  • Just tell her your situation. Maybe you can do something special with her another day. I am having twins and am freaking out over a wedding in August that I just have to attend. Everyone I would trust to watch babies will be there. I cannot imagine having to be part of a wedding so soon. I hope she understands!
  • Yeah, she needs to get over it. I was in a wedding 3 mos after baby and baby came with me.

    I stayed at a hotel with my parents rather than at the house the rest of the Bridesmaids rented because it would have been overload & none of them had kids yet (fortunately my parents were on the guest list). On the big day I went to the house to get dressed/hair/makeup and DH crashed the prep with baby for a few hours. I skipped the mani-pedis the day before & did my own in the hotel room while baby slept because I didn't want to spend an unnecessary afternoon away. I was BFing which was part of not wanting to leave baby if I didn't have to, but even if you're not it's totally reasonable.
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  • Another one in the same boat over here. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in Santa Barbara, CA on April 19 - had to cancel that because I'm due April 25 and live in Portland! I can't even attend the bachelorette weekend at the end of Feb because I'm considered high-risk now and can't get travel clearance.

    My very, very best friend just announced that she's getting married in September and I HAVE to come. And the wedding will either be in CA or ITALY. I was like - California.. I can make that happen. Italy... Um, NO. And now she's also having a bachelorette weekend in Palm Springs. Her suggestion was that I come and can pump while there. NOOOOOO thanks.

    And now one of my husband's best friends is getting married in August. It's only an hour drive away so not a big deal, but they recently told us they are hiring people to take care of all the kids and babies at the hotel during the wedding/reception (not at the hotel). And of course I'm freaking out about that already now, too.

    People should just stop getting married while it's inconvenient for me! Ha.

    Part of me feels like I'm being an antisocial wimp about all of this, but honestly, as a FTM I don't want to overextend myself or put too much stress on myself or my family. I am also taking off 12 weeks of work unpaid, so this late summer/autumn isn't the best time for traipsing around the globe.

    Sorry this is long, but weddings have me stressing, yo!
  • MissWhis said:

    Another one in the same boat over here. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in Santa Barbara, CA on April 19 - had to cancel that because I'm due April 25 and live in Portland! I can't even attend the bachelorette weekend at the end of Feb because I'm considered high-risk now and can't get travel clearance.

    My very, very best friend just announced that she's getting married in September and I HAVE to come. And the wedding will either be in CA or ITALY. I was like - California.. I can make that happen. Italy... Um, NO. And now she's also having a bachelorette weekend in Palm Springs. Her suggestion was that I come and can pump while there. NOOOOOO thanks.

    And now one of my husband's best friends is getting married in August. It's only an hour drive away so not a big deal, but they recently told us they are hiring people to take care of all the kids and babies at the hotel during the wedding/reception (not at the hotel). And of course I'm freaking out about that already now, too.

    People should just stop getting married while it's inconvenient for me! Ha.

    Part of me feels like I'm being an antisocial wimp about all of this, but honestly, as a FTM I don't want to overextend myself or put too much stress on myself or my family. I am also taking off 12 weeks of work unpaid, so this late summer/autumn isn't the best time for traipsing around the globe.

    Sorry this is long, but weddings have me stressing, yo!

    You can always RSVP no. If it doesn't fit your schedule, budget, lifestyle it doesn't fit. True friends will understand and crappy friends aren't worth putting yourself out like that for anyway. My husband's sister is planning her second destination wedding in Las Vegas in July. I am not flying 6 hours with a three year old and a 3.5 month old to Vegas, DH and I have been twice and it is mostly an adult destination. Nor am I leaving my Breastfeeding baby home while I go. This will be her second destination wedding in 3 years, and we didn't go to the first one either, as I was too pregnant to fly from NY to Hawaii. Doesn't fit our lifestyle or budget, since I will be out of work from April to September and we are hoping to sell our house and buy a bigger one soon. So oh well.
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  • Tell her ASAP. She should understand. When I got pregnant I told my friend she could demote me or kick me out because of the unknown. She was completely understanding and now says, "if you're comfortable with that."
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  • I wouldn't do it.  I'm not a big fan of the bachelor/bachelorette parties that are more extravagant than a dinner and night out on the town.  I have two friends who are getting married that are having a Bachelor WEEKEND in Chicago--people are flying and renting rooms AND paying for the grooms' dinners and drinks.  It just seems sooooo over the top.  Luckily, I'll be well into my third trimester, so I'm using the baby as an excuse to bail.

    If I were in your situation, I also wouldn't want to leave my baby so soon, and I'm sure my friends wouldn't want me to bring him along.  So you could do something fun like wrap a gift of snacks and a bottle of champagne/liquor for them to bring along if you want? 
  • I have never left my baby over night and he is 21 months. In fact DH and my's first date night (first night I didn't put DS to bed was just last Sunday! I am attached!! I would definetly not do a night away that early!!

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  • I agree with PP true friends will understand!

    I'm in a wedding 2 months after my due date. Bachelorette is a month prior. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. I will no doubt make an appearance, I'm just not so sure about being gone for an extended amount of time that soon... :/
  • I'm in a wedding feb. 8th which I will be huge for...my dress doesn't even fit but is currently getting remade :/ then I'm in another wedding may 30, 3 hours away. Ill be taking baby, DH and my mom with me. Both of these bachelorette parties are OUT. both of them are so far away that there's no way I'm traveling that far for an expensive ass weekend where I can't even DRINK or party. Sorry gals, I'm out :)
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  • This thread makes me gad I'm 30 and most of my friends are in the baby-making life phase, not the getting married life phase.
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    2014-08-24 15.22.00  2014-08-20 12.19.26
      
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  • Ha I am 30 and still a bridesmaid! I too have festivities at the end of May. It was discussed going out if town for the weekend. I was upfront and told the bride and other maids that I could not go or my hubby and baby would go with and we would have our own room. I can't leave a 6 week old while breast feeding. None of them have kids, so they were a little put of that I wouldn't consider leaving my baby for two nights. The plans are still up in the air. Boo!
  • I would bring the baby with you. Sounds like its jack and Jill so your DH would also be invited. If she doesn't want baby there then I would decline.

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  • I think if she is upset over this, she's not ready to get married. Then again, I have little patience for this kind of stuff. Its her wedding, her life changing experience. The whole world doesn't stop for a wedding. ::rant over::
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