Shower or Not?

oughtonk · January 2014

We recently learned we were having twins and everyone of my friends is excited to throw us a shower; they want to do something coed because these are the first children for my fiance. My son is 5 now and from a previous marriage, we split the baby stuff down the middle because he was still very young and using it and I've given other friends a lot of what I took because I wasn't planning on having more kids. Now with the news of having two I feel like we have nothing and are virtually starting over. I know people say you shouldn't have a shower for a second pregnancy. In this case do you think it's okay or should I tell my friends to not bother?

Helenahhandbasket · January 2014

IMO, don't.

If you are on a budget there are lots of ways to get what you need. Any friends you can borrow baby gear from? Shop garage sales and consignment stores. Load up on out of season clothing.

I am sure you will get lots of gifts w/o having to ask for them.

oughtonk · January 2014

I actually don't like the idea of having a shower per se but I know my fiance is excited and this is new territory for him. It's definitely not a gift grabby mentality for me, I definitely didn't mean for it to come across that way. All I'm really interested in is celebrating with those closest to us and not the receiving of gifts. We are in a position that we can purchase what we need for the babies and have already started buying necessities and stocking up on diapers on our own. We were planning on one and now we get a bonus too :-)

oughtonk · January 2014

I just reread what I wrote and I should have read it first lol I always get so irritated at the girls who think a shower is a right and people should stick to the registry, etc. I just want my fiance to enjoy this time in his life. I'm definitely stressed about the thought of twins and what goes along with it but I know we've got this under control too; that was definitely my stress coming through.

EastCoastBride · January 2014

Eh, to me, twins are a game changer. While I'm primarily a "one shower" person, I'd gladly go to a shower for a good friend who was having twins.

But good is the operative word. Don't make it a huge event. Keep it to CLOSE family and friends.

t loves r · January 2014

Since fatherhood is new to your SO, it definitely seems appropriate for baby shower. Aside from inviting SO's family, like others have stated, I would only invite my immediate family and very very close friend(s). Congrats on your buns in the oven

RoxyLynn · January 2014

You've given lots of excuses as to why you think it should be OK in your case, but they're excuses and it's not. Save up, get what you need, and enjoy being a Mom for the second time around.

Mimaloo · January 2014

I'm not into the whole "omg you had a shower 5++++++ years ago so you can never have one again" camp.

That being said, If you were contemplating throwing yourself a shower, that's not cool but if you have friends who are legitimately excited to have one for you and your new twins then sure. Go for it and be grateful you have such nice friends.

zazu13 · January 2014

I agree wtih Mimaloo. If your friends offered and it's accepted in your circle of friends, by all means have the shower. I wouldn't bat an eye about being invited to a shower like this.

Congrats on the twins and welcome to the club.

dufferoo · January 2014

I was almost on the side of "have one since it's your husband's first and everyone's so jazzed," but then you started sounding all needy and gift-grabby, so I'm going to officially say, you guys should probably just buy your own stuff... EDIT ok now I read your follow-ups and I guess I'm just confused about your intentions... If you want a shower because you had to give away half your stuff and then you gave away more on your own like you originally stated, that seems pretty lame to me. Showers are fun, but not when the guests feel like they're just donating to a cause. On the other hand, if you genuinely want a shower just to indulge your friends who really want to celebrate with you, that's really not that bad in my book. I guess the test would be whether you feel the need to register this time around...

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

Darbie914 said:
Normally, I'm not a fan of second showers but the one time I feel like it's okay is if it's the first child for the husband. With that said, I would only invite his side and immediate family members from your side - I wouldn't invite anyone who was in attendance from your first shower.

With that said, I don't like your reasoning for wanting to accept the offer of a shower. Yes, you were not planning to get pregnant again and thus were very generous in letting others use your baby gear. However, 'needing things' isn't a reason to have a shower. It's basically saying you want a party so people can buy you the things you need for your kids and that's kind of selfish.

I mean, we all love presents and parties but if that's the main reason for wanting another shower, then I find that gift grabby.

Agree.

oughtonk · January 2014

I don't plan on registering if we end up letting my friends throw us a celebration. We have a registry going just to stay organized and we are shopping off it but not sharing it with anyone. I fully intend for everything to be bought well before this "shower" would occur. I talked to my friends some last night and told them I want people to come celebrate and not feel obligated to buy gifts, so now they've thrown around a slew of other ideas like a diaper shower, I told them lets just have a party, not a shower. It's actually stressing me out because I don't like being the center of attention and would much rather just buy what we need and be done with it but they are all genuinely excited about doing this for us. Even with my son I didn't want a shower and made the hosts limit it to less than 20 people. I'm going to sleep on it for a week or two before making a decision I think. My SO is all for it and I'm pretty apprehensive.

AnnaRuth93 · January 2014

I say go for it. Besides I think that not having a second is a very dumb idea for a couple of reasons, first if your first was born in spring and your second is born in winter you need different clothes for the different season. And second if your first is a girl and your second is a boy. And this is special, I say let them throw you a baby shower, you are going to need twice as many diapers, clothes, and twice as many everything. Go for it! Have a second baby shower I say.

laurakaz13 · January 2014

I wouldn't, but in my circle it's really tacky to have a second shower. However, since it's your DH's first time as a dad, I think it would be appropriate to have his side of the family invited to a small shower.

BC&LM · January 2014

I would say if your fiancé's family wants to throw you one, that would be okay since none of them attended your first shower, and it is his first. But I wouldn't accept one with all your friends and family who already attended your first shower. If they want to buy gifts, they will. If they don't, they won't.