Home birth vs. hospital birth

ddembinska · December 2013

My last son was born in a hospital. I went in because I was slowly leaking fluid, and wasn't sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. I got there and I was 5 cm already. They ended up admitting me. The doctor broke my water, and then labor really started. I was in the hospital about 12 hours before he was born. He was born large, at 9 lbs 10 oz, and they used a vacuum to get him out. and I got cut. I didn't know any of this was going on until it was happening, and I didn't know I was cut until my mother told me over 2 hours later. It made me feel sour about the whole hospital birth experience. I feel like women are forced into stuff, and not at least consulted before decisions are made. My recovery was terrible after my son's birth, and I feel like it could have been avoided!

This time I wanted to do my labor at home, if not the birth too. I hate feeling like I'm not in control of the birth of MY child. Our bodies were made to do this, so why do doctors insist on telling us when to push? I don't know about you, but I felt the urge to push, nobody had to tell me. Why do doctors just decide to cut you cause it's taking too long? If the baby's heart rate is fine, why is that necessary? Am I making you miss your favorite TV show? I don't need to be hooked up to IVs or unnecessary machines. The best way to labor is moving around, not laying down in a bed, but with all the equipment they put on you, you can't move! I think that a healthy pregnancy should have a minimally invasive birth. My son was born into a slight chaos, because of the doctor making decisions left and right...without me. My baby's father was in basic training, so I had nobody to back me up when I felt like I was being forced into stuff. My son was apparently being watched after birth to be sure he didn't code because of the vacuum birth. I didn't know this until the next day! WHY would you not tell me EVERYTHING that's going on with my kid??? Then the dumb nurse literally poked his little foot 9 times because she couldn't get enough blood to take blood sugar. All he needed was to be with his mother and nurse. It took way too long to get him to me, and his blood sugar got dangerously low. 5 minutes nursing and wa-la, he was better.

I just feel like I want it to be different this time. Way different.

Women who have done both, or even women who have only had 1, what is your take on this? Am I being irrational? The birth of a child is a big thing, and I feel like women's feelings and instincts are forgotten during the whole thing.

WashingtonQueen · December 2013

You don't have to let them do any of that to you. You have a say. Stand up for yourself.

I had a midwife for both pregnancies and birthed in a hospital. I would have gone to a birth center if I had a choice but there are none around here. I am personally uncomfortable with home birth.

Do your research and advocate for yourself. Did people in the hospital try to push me around a bit when my midwife wasn't there? Yep. Did my husband or I let them? No. In fact, I fired a nurse from my care because she was being a bitch and trying to do things without my permission.

magentawarped · December 2013

It sounds like most of your problems stem from lack of communication. Some mothers are content to lay back and let the doc do his thing...if you want to know what's going on, you have to ask. If you felt the vacuum and cutting were unnecessary, speak up, and say something before it happens. They don't know you don't want intervention unless you say so. Personally, I'm too worried about risks to do a home birth, but I wouldn't try to say that no one should do it. If you're low risk and want to try it, go for it. My doctor and the nurses damn well listened to my wishes, though, because I made them heard.

theseaword · January 2014

I don't think there's a wrong decision to be made, as long as you do your research and prep either way. It's not something I would consider, as with with my first son I had an internal tear that required immediate surgery, and DS swallowed fluid and needed to be under oxygen. But I don't think home births are risky or bad. There's usually contingencies for transfers to hospitals if things go awry. I do agree with PPs that being prepared to advocate for yourself may have eliminated some of your issues with hospital birth.

CopperT0p · January 2014

We are hoping to have a VBAC at home with this baby, but will go to the hospital should the need arise.

I had a poor post-birth experience with DS in the hospital. My midwife had to leave shortly after he was born to attend another birth. The pediatrician on call did not discuss anything with us, the nurses took DS for what they said was a routine check of his temp. An hour later I had to send DH hunting for DS because they didn't return him. They promptly brought him back with an IV in and mumbled something about his white blood cell count being borderline high. I thought DH was going to rip a strip out of the doctor (literally).

This time around should we have to go into the hospital, we will be making it extremely clear that no procedure or medication is to be applied to myself or baby without our consent. DH knows that I will be fine and that his job is to not leave the baby's side if he leaves our room. Last time we were naive in thinking they would talk to us about anything going on with DS before they acted on it. We know better this time.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

Sounds like your hospital & OB sucked. Mine was nothing like you describe at all. Both births I was listened to & my desires (within medical reason) respected.

If you want a home birth I would look to get it set up. 30 weeks is seriously late to get everything arranged.

It seems like this post was made to stir the pot? I just get this vibe about it.

Chichigo · January 2014

You might want to write a birth plan and discuss it with your OB prior to your birth. I didn't write one because I knew that the OB practice avoided most interventions whenever possible, and that the hospital encouraged newborn policies I wanted, such as immediate skin to skin, early breastfeeding, and delayed testing/eye ointment/injections. When admitted, I reminded my doctor I wanted to allow My labor and delivery to take the most natural course possible, and he respected my wishes. He also told me to call for him when I changed my mind about no epidural, and was impressed that I delivered well wirthout it

FemShep · January 2014

ddembinska said:

My last son was born in a hospital. I went in because I was slowly leaking fluid, and wasn't sure if it was amniotic fluid or not. I got there and I was 5 cm already. They ended up admitting me. The doctor broke my water, and then labor really started. I was in the hospital about 12 hours before he was born. He was born large, at 9 lbs 10 oz, and they used a vacuum to get him out. and I got cut. I didn't know any of this was going on until it was happening, and I didn't know I was cut until my mother told me over 2 hours later. It made me feel sour about the whole hospital birth experience. I feel like women are forced into stuff, and not at least consulted before decisions are made. My recovery was terrible after my son's birth, and I feel like it could have been avoided!

This time I wanted to do my labor at home, if not the birth too. I hate feeling like I'm not in control of the birth of MY child. Our bodies were made to do this, so why do doctors insist on telling us when to push? I don't know about you, but I felt the urge to push, nobody had to tell me. Why do doctors just decide to cut you cause it's taking too long? If the baby's heart rate is fine, why is that necessary? Am I making you miss your favorite TV show? I don't need to be hooked up to IVs or unnecessary machines. The best way to labor is moving around, not laying down in a bed, but with all the equipment they put on you, you can't move! I think that a healthy pregnancy should have a minimally invasive birth. My son was born into a slight chaos, because of the doctor making decisions left and right...without me. My baby's father was in basic training, so I had nobody to back me up when I felt like I was being forced into stuff. My son was apparently being watched after birth to be sure he didn't code because of the vacuum birth. I didn't know this until the next day! WHY would you not tell me EVERYTHING that's going on with my kid??? Then the dumb nurse literally poked his little foot 9 times because she couldn't get enough blood to take blood sugar. All he needed was to be with his mother and nurse. It took way too long to get him to me, and his blood sugar got dangerously low. 5 minutes nursing and wa-la, he was better.

I just feel like I want it to be different this time. Way different.

Women who have done both, or even women who have only had 1, what is your take on this? Am I being irrational? The birth of a child is a big thing, and I feel like women's feelings and instincts are forgotten during the whole thing.

I'm confused. You didn't actually know you were cut, but you're complaining about being cut. Your baby's blood sugar was dangerously low, but you're complaining about the nurse testing his blood sugar. You needed a vacuum assist (most doctors won't do this unless absolutely necessary because it increases the chance of complications significantly), but you're complaining about the vacuum assist. And you had a 9lb 10 oz boy (!!!) and had a rough recovery. Well, yeah. I'm sorry, OP, that you were disappointed in your birth experience, but in my own personal experience with 2 pregnancies/births, more than anything, an OB wants a healthy, safe delivery. They'll make interventions when it's in the best interest of mom and baby, not for their own convenience. Perhaps you need to find a new OB, or a new hospital, but I agree with PP that your original complaint sounds a bit misguided at best and blatant pot-stirring at worst,

jessib10 · January 2014

I had a less than desirable experience with my first birth too. I live in the same county but at the opposite end and am closer to a hospital meant specifically for women and newborns. At my first birth the nurses took my daughter off to the nursery and fed her formula without my permission. They took her immediately after my csection to run tests on her and I didn't see her (really see her) until I was nearly out of the recovery room.

The hospital I'm delivering at this time doesn't have a nursery, any and all tests are performed in your room with you right there. I have all the confidence that my experience will be a complete turn around from what I experienced the first time.

But to answer your question, yes, women do have choices. It's up to you to exercise your rights as a patient.

Avion22 · January 2014

I agree that 30 weeks is really late to start planning a home birth. Also, if your husband is still on active duty and you have Tricare, there are some hoops you will need to jump through. There are a few posts on this on the Military moms board, so it's worth taking a look. Personally, I haven't thought about it because it's not an option for me (I'm on active duty myself...and Tricare definitely won't cover it for me). I'm also about a 45 minute drive from a medical facility and that's too far for my own personal comfort level. But under the right set of circumstances it's something I would possibly consider. Definitely be your own advocate. Have a birth plan, and involve someone else (your H if he's home this time, a parent, a friend, a doula). Make it clear that you want to know everything that is going on and why. It's okay to be a bitch about this :-).

laurakaz13 · January 2014

Confused by your post as well. The "interventions" you mention seem to have been necessary and beneficial to you and your child. I don't get your complaints at all.

ufsandra85 · January 2014

agree with checking with tricare because very few areas offer home births that are covered by tricare.

ddembinska · January 2014

Clarifying: Not stirring the pot.

My issue is that they were making decisions without asking. He informed me that he was breaking my water bag as he was doing it. I wasn't consulted on anything. When I first arrived at the hospital, everything was fine. Baby looked perfect, and I looked perfect. He could have let things go on their own and it probably would have gone smoother. He would rush into my room, check me, then rush out. Once I was -almost- completely thinned out, he decided that I needed to push now. No particular reason, just cause I could. I was perfectly fine just breathing through my contractions. He was coming down nicely with every contraction, and I could feel it. His heart rate was perfect, and all my vitals were too. There was no need to rush his birth at all. Once they started rushing stuff, it became chaos. I did end up kicking people out because there was literally like 15 people in there. I felt like my crotch was a museum display. They kept letting the student in, even after I told them firmly NO. Throughout this whole process, he was monitored. His heart rate never fluctuated, nor did I feel any intense pain. (besides the obvious, I was unmedicated) Nothing that indicated that an intervention was needed. Besides the chaotic birth, afterwards was shitty. The nurse who assisted was literally jamming a fist into my stomach trying to get the blood clots to come out. She was impatient with the fact that I had just pushed a baby out and she needed to chill out a little. That same nurse, I told her I needed to get up and use the bathroom during labor(urine), she said I would be fine. Well, I'm sure you can guess how that turned out with a baby coming down. I got snappy with them quite a bit, but it went in 1 ear and out the other. I am for sure going to labor at home, and just go in at the last second. I have already written out a birth plan, but I felt like my needs/wants were ignored last time. Pricking his foot 9 times was the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. It said his blood sugar was low, but she said she couldn't get enough blood to know "for sure." At that point, he should have nursed. That's all he needed in the end. He was breathing fine, his heart sounded good, he didn't have any issues with swallowed fluid, nothing at all. Why continue pricking his skin?

My Mother showed up after his birth, and I told her that she was not to leave his side. When she clarified that I was NOT circ'ing him, they gave her a dirty look and asked her about 5 more times in the next hour.

I am not returning to that hospital, and I did switch OBs. I'm just afraid of dealing with the same thing again.

tesskerr · January 2014

Here in new Zealand we generally labour at home as long as possible, and meet our midwife at the hospital to push the baby out. We are not encouraged the receive drugs/epis/intervention etc. Obviously, if there is problems, a Dr would intervene.

However, we are also educated in what could happen. We general attend anti-natal classes to prepare for birth. That way, if we need cutting, forceps etc, we are prepared. I would highly recommend doing as much research as possible.

iverske9 · January 2014

I prefer hospital but have two close girlfriends who had a combined 5 children all at home births and they loved the experience. One had midwives at the process the other did not. Only you can decide what you believe is for you.

Good luck

shiway · January 2014

You are absolutely right! And 30 weeks is NOT too late to change providers. I had my first in a birth center. AMAZING!!! Not only was everything discussed with me but leading up to the birth everything was discussed and if something had to be done I had the trust already established with my midwifes. I had a 63 hr labor. Never once did some one say I was taking too Long or something was wrong. It was just what my body and baby needed. Time. Never ever would a hospital be that patient. Not only would a birth center or home birth be a better option for you but also a doula! Take control! You have to goose the provider that respects you as a mother. Good luck!

Flm0819 · January 2014

I need to just say this as an L&D nurse...the reason your nurse was pushing so hard on your stomach was infact so you wouldn't hemmorhage after birth...you have no idea what a blood clot can do inside your uterus if not removed...take it from me...that is one intervention you want after delivery...my nurse never checked my fundus with my DD...3 blood transfusions later I wished she had...

Tassie06 · January 2014

Don't be a hero. The complications you could have during labour and delivery are far worse if you do it at home then at a hospital. Speak up when you're at the hospital or just let the doctors and nurses do their job.

Tassie06 · January 2014

I also know a girl who tried doing the home birth but at 7 cm was rushed to the hospital and ended up having a section.

Jags8 · January 2014

Might I suggest hiring a doula?

ufsandra85 · January 2014

Jags8 said:

Might I suggest hiring a doula?

Completely agree with this especially since most likely tricare wont pay for a home birth. There are a bunch of doulas who even give military free services!

WashingtonQueen · January 2014

@Tassie06 Although I am not personally interested in homebirth, it is not a horrible thing. When done under the proper care it can be wonderful. In no way is a homebirth mother trying to be a hero and it is not the death sentence you try to make it out to be. Please do not post ignorant statements.

Tassie06 · January 2014

WashingtonQueen said:

@Tassie06 Although I am not personally interested in homebirth, it is not a horrible thing. When done under the proper care it can be wonderful. In no way is a homebirth mother trying to be a hero and it is not the death sentence you try to make it out to be. Please do not post ignorant statements.

No, you're right. It many cases it can be completely safe. In my case both my son and I would have died if it wasn't for an emergency c-section. So to ME a home birth would be ridiculous. But I will apologize if it came off rude.

tiggernorton04 · January 2014

Just wanted to say I am planning a home birth this time around and am really excited about it! Go with your gut!

CosMayah · January 2014

I am pregnant with my 5th and will be having my 4th home birth. My first was a hospital birth due to the midwife accidentally causing a rupture of my membranes during an exam at 34 weeks. It was traumatic, I was young and uneducated about my choices. By the time I was pregnant with my daughter I was more prepared and confident and had a great home birth. My 3rd was 11lbs, no tears, no problems and yes, at home. The 4th easy as well. You are within your right to have a birth you desire, however, when dealing with the medical system, one should be informed of their policies, which may conflict with your proposed birth plan. Laboring at home for as long as possible is the easiest way to get around all their protocols and help with pain, relaxation and a sense of control.

Home birth vs. hospital birth

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